bad reaction to budoir pics

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned.  Honestly, for me part of it was having proof of all the hard work I put in before the wedding.  Yeah it’s selfish but oh well!

Post # 4
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well that is a bit odd on his part. 

Post # 5
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Weird. If the photographer was female, I don’t see the big deal. He sounds like he is being kind of prudish about something nice and sexy you did for him. I say keep the photos for yourself. I’m sure you look amazing! I just can’t imagine a man being upset that his partner had sexy beautiful photos done for him?

Post # 6
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

He’s entitled to his opinion. I think that you two clearly have great communication and as long as you appreciate his honesty, it’s a non-issue 🙂

Post # 7
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

Ouch! That sucks he didn’t take it like you thought he would. This is something that maybe should have been communicated beforehand. Not saying to have out-right told him about the session but mention it hypothetically. Because I mentioned it hypothetically about my friend doing it and my FI was very vocal about not wanting me to do the same. He didn’t even care if it was a woman taking the pictures. To him my body is sacred and some of those photos (although classy and clean) you are in lingerie. Some men just feel like this should only be viewed by them. You don’t know who the third party is that are printing the photos either. 

Post # 9
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d be super annoyed & I’d take the photo’s away from him.

Post # 10
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Glad you guys were able to come to an understanding. 

I totally understand his perspective and have real difficulty understanding the idea of these pre-wedding lingerie shoots that seem so popular lately, especially when done as a surprise (since I think many grooms would probably feel similar to him, e.g., I know my FI would not want me to do it. He loves seeing me in lingerie but that is very different than taking photos of me in lingerie). Subcultural differences maybe.

Good word to the wise that brides considering doing this as a surprise for their groom might just want to bring up the idea with him first.

Post # 11
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2000


I can understand being nonplussed about the money spent. I’ve been in relationships with women and I would not have given a toss about boudoir pics, and spending a lot for them would have been utterly baffling to me. But I think I would have kept my mouth shut if I knew the effort put into them and the thought process behind them. So like him, I don’t think they’re for me present-wise.

But on the other side of the equation, I couldn’t handle being with someone with your husband’s reaction vis-a-vis his being werided out. It’s uptight boardering on controlling. He may feel icky that someone else gets to look (which I also do not understand or have time for), but no person has any right to tell me where and when and in front of whom I can choose to feel sexy. 

He sounds like he has issues. Not with a capital “I”, mind you, but regardless of what you said—he does sound like a prude. And that’s no fun. Sorry you didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for.

Post # 12
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@libertine_lady:  I’m sorry you found out it wasnt for him after you had the photos done. I know some guys love it and some hate it. I hope that they made YOU feel amazing even if its something your FI has to get used to. I have to say I quite fancy doing a shoot, I tested the waters with my then FI after reading about them on the Bee. His reaction showed that he was totally not into the idea either. Dont know why, just not for him, so he is not the only one. But I hope that you can be proud of them and look back when your old and grey and think. WOW….I was HOT!

Post # 13
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve always felt budoir shoots were more for the person in the photo… like a self-esteem booster. I mean if you want to give the gift of yourself in lingerie to your SO, unless it’s a case of long-distance, doing it in person would be way more amazing than a few photos (no matter how artistic)!

you had a good experience and you’re happy with the photos, so I’d say it was a success!

Post # 14
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think it is weird or evidence of ungratefulness if a boudoir shoot just isn’t something that your partner is keen on. My DH is far from prudish and neither would he be bothered about someone else shooting pictures of me in lingerie (although as a photographer I tend to dislike having my own photograph taken anyway) but he’d just think that it was kind of inappropriate and be a bit baffled as to why I’d done them. I agree with him but accept that this isn’t the same for other couples.

However, I do think that anyone considering a boudoir shoot needs to think very carefully about the possible reaction of their partner. Contrary to popular opinion, not all guys are knocked off their socks about this sort of photography and it doesn’t make them strange, jealous or wrong. If, on the other hand, you’d find a boudoir shoot empowering then go for it. But as a pp has said, most of these shoots are more for the person in the photographs. 

Post # 15
11604 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can understand his feelings.  You dressed provocatively in front of another person, and he’s not okay with that.  I’m sorry you didn’t get the reaction you were looking for, but at least you had an honest and open conversation about what he was feeling and you’re on the same page going forward.

Post # 16
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@libertine_lady:  I think it’s good that he was able to tell you his feelings, and didn’t feel like he had to pretend for you if they were making him uncomfortable. This wasn’t a sweater from Grandma you can fake smile and nod for.  He knew you were expecting a huge reaction, and that might encourage future gifts along those lines.

I just think about how I would feel if my (male) partner got boudoir photos taken – I would find it a bit weird too, even though I’m into him, it’s just not my cup of tea.

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