(Closed) Bad Relationship with Mom ruining my relationship with others – advice?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s horrible! Your mum sounds absolutely crazy!

To be honest, I’m not sure what you can do, other than consider cutting her out of your life – if this were just one or two incidents, then I think it would be fine, but it sounds like this is an ongoing issue that just isn’t going to get better.

If you feel comfortable with it, I would recommend writing up a list of all the things that she’s done to discuss with her and how it made you feel e.g. “When you did X, I felt Y,” and talk about how you feel that she’s really hurting you and you’re not sure how to cope with her in your life anymore. If she’s a halfway decent mum, she’ll (hopefully) realise that she’s been out of line and try to make things right. If she doesn’t, then you’re going to have to seriously consider telling her that you can’t cope with a relationship that makes you feel like shit and, even though she is your mum and you love her very much, you’re not going to be able to speak with her again until she can treat you properly.

Post # 4
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i will respond to this later when i have time – can definitely relate.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, as hard as it would be I would have to cut her out of my life completely. I know that sounds really harsh but you can’t allow someone to steal from you and ruin your life because they are mentally unstable. It really sounds like she needs psychological help. 🙁 Im really sorry you are going through this but she really sounds horrible and Im not sure there is really anything you can do to help her.

Post # 6
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so so sorry to hear about this.  I know this is going to sound harsh but I think you need to keep your mom at a distance for a while.  In your post you said “I do not know what is mentally wrong with her”.  There actually might be something actually mentally wrong with her.  I’m not a therapist or anything but the way she acts doesn’t seem right. 

I feel for you – because I have a similiar situation with my sister.  While her antics are different – she still causes me grief and heartache.  For example at my wedding shower she informed me that she won’t be attending our wedding dinner or reception.  Why you may ask?  Because her cat needs insulin shots.  That’s right – she is using her cat as an excuse.  I have 2 dogs and if roles were reversed I’d find someone to take care of my dogs or board them.  She won’t even consider this option for her cat.  Let’s face it – my sister just doesn’t care to be a part of my wedding day.   

So I’ve decided to take a step back keep her at a distance.  I’m sad – she’s my only sister and some day when my mom passes away she’ll be my only close relative (my dad passed away 10 years ago).  At the same time I refuse to keep putting myself out there and getting hurt. 

You mentioned you are in college – are there any free therapy options that you can take advantage of?  You sound like a pretty tough cookie but it might be beneficial to talk to someone who’s a trained professional and can hear you out and give you good advice. 

 

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