Badly explain your job!

posted 7 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 91
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I sit in rooms or on the phone with people and listen to them talk about pictures & words on a computer screen. I push buttons with letters on then formulating messages in a blank white space and send them thru cyberspace. I review lines and lines of text and talk to people on the phone in Brazil and India about whether the tool they built on the computer looks like the text description, then I teach people how to use said tool.

I’m an IT Project Manager.

Post # 92
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I take large sums of money from people with the promise they may receive a piece of paper in return.#badlyexplainyourjob

Post # 93
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I am racially abused by Japanese children while making them repeat phrases they will never learn, watching them play sports and coaching them so they don’t end up as a zit on society’s face. While doing this I am looked down on and patronised by Japanese members of staff for doing all the things they can’t/ won’t do. 

Post # 94
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I walk around different stores pointing out things that are dangerous and then call and send email notes to their boss to get all those store managers screamed at.

Post # 95
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I appease and validate peoples horrible decisions based on how much money the love of their pet is worth. I also clean poop, vomit, blood and urine 20 times a day. I sit on animals recovering from anaesthetic so they don’t knock themselves out due to confusion. I prepare and examine specimens from ear bacteria to urine crystals, and cells from lumps and bumps. I train 2 others on the proper technique to “crocodile Dundee” a large dog, and ninja grip a feral cat. I have to maintain customer service better than the front desk at a 5 star hotel, no matter what has happened, how many people Ive been angry at for neglect or the people that won’t do what is best for their pet, it doesn’t matter who or how many we may have lost or had to put down for so many shitty reasons that day, I am happy to see you at the desk, I sympathise, take your payment and give your animal a fuss and a treat. I save a lot of animals lives and get paid less than someone working on a checkout at a grocery store.

Im a head veterinary nurse.

Post # 96
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

I give people millions of dollars, then nag the crap out of them to spend it right and watch their every move to make sure they don’t embezzle any of the funds or do anything corrupt.

Post # 97
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I pick things up and put them down. Then I teach other people how to pick things up and put them down.

I’m a personal trainer. 

Post # 98
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I get paid to stick various things in people’s orfices.

(Nurse).

Post # 99
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

I tie people to their bed and sedate them, put tubes in all their orifices, and watch them “sleep.” I keep them alive so they can go home and kill themselves, by drugs, alcohol, or just plain poor lifestyle choices. Sometimes I keep them alive unnecessarily for days and days even though they’re basically dead, because their family doesn’t want to let go so they would rather have them basically tortured until they are finally ready.

I work in Hell. Sometimes I save the lives of normal people who go on to do amazing things. Most of the time I save the lives of drug addicts and alcoholics who are trying to kick, punch, bite, or spit at me. Or “normal people” who constantly complain about all the monitoring equipment, which I use to make sure they don’t die. They are mostly thankless for this, and yet they claim they don’t want to die. I am an ICU nurse. 😉

Post # 100
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

Umm *mic drop*?

ICU nursing isn’t really all that bad!

please don’t let me kill this thread lol.

…anyone?

Post # 101
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

redroses76 :  haha I’ll give this a go.

I spend all day helping doctors practice cutting open the severed feet of dead people. When the doctors go out and cut open the feet of real live people, sometimes they complain about the cutting devices. Then I have to go back and cut open the dead people feet with brand new cutting devices I’ve designed.

I’m an engineer who makes surgical devices and implants for foot surgeries.

Also a fun fact: if you dedicate your body to science, they cut it up and sell it off piece by piece. You can buy a foot for around $50 but the heads are much more expensive.

Post # 102
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

12_Elle :  I love it! I got to cut open someone’s lower leg and foot in cadaver lab when I was a human phys student. People who donate their bodies to science are awesome! As are the engineers who make these things possible!

Post # 103
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

redroses76 :  haha thanks. It really is so amazingly helpful to be able to try different things without risking harm to a real live person. Now hopefully I didn’t scare anyone off with the gore…

Post # 104
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I check whether people can see when they come along reporting they can’t see, then i try to help them see through glasses or listing for cataract or other surgeries, sometimes i cant help through conventional means and then i will often give them magnifying visual aids or refer them to get a dog to help them get around. I’m an optometrist in a hospital, i actually love my job. 

Post # 105
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

Companies pay me a lot of money to annoy their employees by telling them that everything they do is wrong.  

I create reports (with pictures! and graphs!) that explain just how much my customers suck at what they pretend to be doing.

Oh, and when I’m bored, I go and break stuff (like rules and regulations) on purpose just to see what happens.

(I’m a business process manager.)

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