Post # 1
My husband and I eloped in May of this year. He’s in the military and we decided to get married ahead of time to help speed up the process. At the time we wanted to keep it to ourselves and still have our September wedding but everyone found out. We went on as planned but we’ve met with disaproval as well as unwillingness to help just because of our decisions. We have less than a month and I have to alter our ceremony in order to fit in this sudden renewal but I’m struggling with how to go about it.
Post # 3
You seem like the type that wants something small and intimate…what type of ceremony do YOU want?
Post # 4
@MrsOnorato2b: I wanted a simple ceremony with family and some friends followed by dinner afterwards. Similar to a “normal” wedding but smaller because our first was by ourselves in a courthouse. Some flowers, my dress, his blues and a few people to stand up with us. But the pastor and some immediate family are making a big deal because that’s what we’re doing. So now I’m trying to mix the “renewal ceremony” into the plans but I have no idea how.
Post # 5
I am presuming that the pastor and some of your immediate family have explained that you cannot actually have a wedding ceremony now, because you are already legally married, and that you must actually have a vow-renewal ceremony instead. Is this the essence of what is happening?
Post # 6
@Brielle: We already knew it would be have to be different. We’re going to use different vows and change the ceremony a bit. The issue was that we’re doing it in this manner instead of just standing up in front of a few people or doing it by ourselves. They’ve also made it known it doesn’t seem right or sensible. We just want our renewal ceremony to be as similar to a wedding as it can be without taking away from the purpose..
Post # 7
I say do whatever you want. If you want to have another ceremony and not a vow renewal, go for it. Even if they do know. It’s more for you than anyone else. I don’t think people understand the rush to marry for military orders and are quick to judge. I’m sure whatever you decide will be lovely.
Post # 8
I’m going to be in the same boat as you. Both My Husband and I are AD USAF and stationed overseas. We eloped in Vegas prior to my deployment so that we could secure join-spouse orders to wherever we go next. A year from now, when we PCS back to the states, we plan on having a small, fun, low-key, CHEAP (under 3k) vow-renewal and restaurant reception to formally introduce our families and enjoy ourselves for the weekend. So from my stand point, 4 months of legally being married is no big deal.
I was a little insecure about planning for a ceremony a whole YEAR after my actual marriage, but it’s really nothing to feel ashamed about! There are so many people in the military that do/have to do this. I have a coworker who had a church ceremony/reception/no scrimping, the whole she-bang a year and a half after they were legally married and living together overseas. If having some sort of ceremony and involving your family is important to you I say f*ck what other people think and do what you want to do.
Good luck, and don’t feel bad about your situation at all! Some civillians are just ignorant to military-members special situations. Also, Grats!
Post # 9
@MsMariposa: So, if I understand what you’re saying, you and your DH would like to have a larger celebration, with more people, and more fanfare, than your pastor and family think is now “sensible” or “right,” because you are already married? Is that correct?
To what, specifically, are they objecting? Do they think you should not have any attendants or a large guest list?
Did your family perhaps originally plan to help with the cost of your wedding, but, now that you’re married, are they instead telling you that they no longer think it is necessary or appropriate for you to have a big vow-renewal celebration in front of family and friends? Have they perhaps rescinded their offer to help pay?
Post # 10
@Ronnieroo: It’s reassuring to hear that.
We got married when he was home for a few days. A month later I moved here and I’ve been planning it all long distance. We’re having it at my family’s church with a small dinner afterwards but we aren’t going overboard with it. We each have a few friends standing up with us. My young niece and his nephew will stand up with us too. We still want that as part of our ceremony. Is it weird to still want someone to walk me down the aisle even tho we’re already married ? As I said I want it as normal as possible.
Our famillies haven’t really met each other either. That in itself will be interesting to watch. They’re different and I can see some “taking sides”. I’m still kinda nervous about it all but in a few weeks it will be over and nobody will care.
All that matters is that we’re happy. We’ll deal with the rest later.
Good luck to you and your husband and I hope your ceremony is everything you want it to be !
Post # 11
@MsMariposa: People may be upset because you tried to keep your legal marriage a secret. Generally speaking, people are very understanding of having a “wedding” after the legal ceremony for military families if they know that is what’s happening. Otherwise, they may feel duped into contributing towards what some may consider to be a “sham wedding” (because you are already married). So if you haven’t already, I would profusely and sincerely apologize for not telling everyone immediately that you had gotten married.
A friend of mine tried to do this same thing (getting married without telling anyone and then having a big wedding months later). When her family found out, as they always do, more than half of them didn’t show up at the vow renewal because they were so angry at her for keeping them in the dark. Years later, she is only just starting to win them all back. So definitely start there! Otherwise, have the ceremony you want, and enjoy every minute! 🙂
Post # 12
@Brielle: We already had the wedding planned before we decided to get married early. I still wanted everything I had wanted before. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, flowers, a white dress and my brother to walk me down the aisle as our friends and families wittnessed the occasion. Afterwards to have a small reception with a wedding cake.
My dad had told us he would pay for the rental of the building.He hasn’t been happy about it at all since we eloped so we’re ready to pay that if we have to. My mother-in-law gave us some money to use as we saw fit but other than that we’ve been paying for everthing ourselves.
But yes, that is most of the problem. It’s been made clear what we’re doing is deemed unecessary and too extravagant. The pastor is also upset that we didn’t have counseling with him before we made our decision.
The semi good thing about already being married is that if the pastor decides not to help us we can try find someone else who doesn’t have to be licensed.
Post # 13
@iarebridezilla: Since my husband had to leave a few hours after we were married we wanted to wait a few more weeks so he could come back and we could tell our families together. My mother and 3 other people knew. Unfortunately a few days later a newspaper came out with the announcement that we had applied for a marriage license. I explained to many people why we had but I still didn’t make a huge deal about it. We weren’t asking our families for money or contributions. My mother continued to help me get everything ready for September.
When he was able to come back home for a weekend we told more people and of course explained why. Now the bigger issue is that we’re having our day as we originally planned with some still holding on to that we eloped and didn’t tell them right away.
Either way, the end result is the same. We’re not asking for money, all we’re asking is for their support and acceptance as we continue our newly joined lives together.
Post # 14
I have not decided if I want my Father to ‘walk me down the aisle’ either. I think I’m going to ask him if he would want to. Otherwise, I’m fine doing it myself. If your brother is okay with walking you down, I don’t see why you can not. It’d only be awkward if your participant was unwilling.
What music are you going down the aisle to? Personally, I was going to avoid using the standard ‘bride march’ music since I’m already married. But hey, it’s your day and you should do what you want to do 🙂
Good luck, and don’t let complainers spoil you day…don’t worry so much about what others think. As long as the people closest to you (you Mom, husband etc.) understand your situation who cares what some Great Aunt thinks?
Post # 15
Hi!! Try searching the web for intimateweddings.com (i think thats the site).
I too am doing a 35-40ppl civil ceremony on December and then doing a religious one next year. My FI will be moving to another country this year, and I will follow up later on (reason for 2 weddings).
I have a few things already, like:
Venue: Parent’s Home
My parents have offered to gift us the Food, Beverage and Honeymoon (which depending on FI’s schedule, we might do next year)
Photographer: Cousin who’s a professional photographer 🙂
I’m using Yellow and Gray colors, doing a Light Lunch (wedding’s at 11:30am), doing pineapple or lemon custard jars as favors (which I would do)