Post # 1
My SO and I do not usually get to see eachother during the week. He lives about an hour and 15 mins away (with no traffic – can you imagine after work!?) So he usually comes over friday nights (sometimes saturday) and stays until Monday morning when we both leave for work. If girls nights are in need then I usually will plan for Friday nights.
My cousin/BFF is stating how we are not as close as we use to be. Which is true, we would spend a few nights together every week, but in the past year and a half a lot has changed. She got pregnant, married and moved away to her moms. I would always try to visit at least for lunch or something when they visited. Her husband moved back here a couple months ago and works at a bar as a bouncer. She has been coming out every few weekends and always wants me to go to the bar where her hubby works on Saturday nights and stay and party for his shift 7pm until 1am. I always end up saying Im busy (which is true sometimes) but she just doesnt understand that 1. I havent seen SO all week 2. I dont want to just leave him alone at my house all night or 3. Im not going to tell him to drive an hour home and come back out the next day. They are not huge fans of eachother so I wouldnt bring him plus he doesnt really drink.
She gets kind of mad or “ugh whatever you suck” etc etc. She also had a similar remark when she asked if I wanted to move in with her, her husband and baby so they could afford a certain area. I declined as I am very happy where I am, I like living alone and it would be more inconveinent. I told her it was further from work and another 40 mins for my SO to drive to which she said “so..?”
She is supposed to be moving back here in the next couple weeks and I think its going to be a big adjustment to balancing the two again. How do you guys deal with it? I do feel bad because we arent as close but I also dont want to be constantly feeling guilty. I am planning to maybe have dinner once during the week and go out a couple fridays a month if she wants, even though she always wants to go Saturdays because of his schedule at the bar.
Post # 3
I don’t mean to be rude to your cousin, but does she realize she’s married and has a child? I know, I know – wives and mothers can go to the bar…I totally support that. But if her husband is WORKING at the bar, and she is PARTYING at the bar, who’s watching the child? Besides which, it kind of seems overaell that she’s still trying to live the single girl lifestyle, when she is clearly not a single girl anymore.
I think you should be straight with her. “Sara, I’m happy to see you when both our schedules allow for it. Let’s have dinner next Friday.” If she comes back with “Ugh, you suck,” “Sorry you feel that way. See you later!”
Post # 4
Maybe it will be easier once she moves back so you can see her during the week when your FI is not around, but I agree with @chercee:, address it with her directly. If you tell her “FI comes to stay with me for the weekends so I won’t be going out Saturday nights but I am more than happy to get together on Fridays” or whatever the case may be. If you tell her it will consistantly be this way maybe she will quit asking every week.
Post # 5
@chercee: HAHAH! Offense non-taken. His mom usually watches the baby after she has put him down…actually the last couple times she came out she didnt even bring the baby! Left him with grandma. And yes, I am all for mamas going out – but maybe like a couple times a month? Not every weekend. Sometimes I just feel like she doesnt understand because…her and her husband have a weird relationship. I mean they love eachother and dont fight alot but…its just not “lovey dovey” I guess?
@MissTatas: You both are totally right! I need to have a clear conversation with her instead of weasling out of it every week, and having to do the same thing over next time she asks. I just feel guilty, SO even apologized for taking away time with her to which i explained I would rather spend my saturday nights with him 🙂 I told her we can grab a drink one night after work when she starts.
THANK YOU BOTH!
Post # 6
@CA_bee: Im sure your cousin is a lovely girl but…she sounds a teeny but selfish/inconsiderate. Especially stating “SO?” after your remarks about it being inconvienent to move in with her.
I would probably tell her what the other bees have said. I am happy to hang out during the week but my weekends are my time to spend with my bf who I dont see all week. Surely she can understand being married herself. If not, im sure she will get over it eventually.