Weddingbee boards

Since there are states like Va and Tx that believe that to "protect" marriage from "teh gays", they must eliminate ANYTHING that legally binds two people and ONLY allow them to get married, then I somewhat agree with this guy.  If you're going to screw over people, you may as well go the whole nine yards... :/

I went through the big D so obviously I can't agree with a total ban ;)

We didn't get married by a church. I naively went into it thinking that I didn't agree with divorce. I lived with the person for 3 years before we got married so I thought I knew the person I was marrying. But literally 3 months into the marriage it just completely fell apart. It's like he just decided to show me what his true colors were, like a switch had been turned on. He pretty much did every thing that would be your worst nightmare in a marriage. And I mean everything. We went through marriage counseling but that was no help since he lied all through every session. Thirteen months later I was divorced and financially ruined. So I am pro-divorce LOL.

It's an interesting debate though. I could see how someone might want to impose some stipulations on filing for divorce though such as counseling or other things.

I'm just glad to see someone doing something! He believes in something and is making a point to do something about it. Thats cool in my book!

Also - from a child of divorced parents (who did wed in a church) thank GOD for divorce! My parents were not right for eachother for so many reasons and I fear that there would have been years of emotional abuse if they had to stay together. I've read research that shows that women are more likely to speak out about abuse if society accepts divorce as a solution -- so how many people stay in marriages where one or both of the spouses are being abused?

I think it's a pretty clever way of calling out the hypocrisy of banning gay marriage while turning a blind eye to everything else that isn't part of "traditional marriage."

I for sure get what he is saying and the point he is making. Maybe I'm kidding myself but I think someday gay marriage will be approved. I'd like to think so anyway.

I wonder how CA voters would react if they saw that on the ballot? Hmm

@ejs: Very true, I feel like we (Americans collectively) are close to approving it. Hopefully soon!

@rabbit: Very good points. That's why I divorced my ex, I feel like I have a right to be happy more than an obligation to stay in a broken marriage.

I agree with gay marriage (and vote for people who support it), and my province legalized it several years ago.  I also dislike divorce, and was blessed to be from a family without divorced parents.

However, I just want to say that divorce is not new or 'against' traditional marriage.  Divorce is a very old concept and is found in some way in many religions.  I'm Orthodox, and we are allowed to marry three times in the church regardless of why the past marriage ended.  The 2nd and 3rd marriages are not celebrated with the 'joy' as the first, but it's not a new concept. (Sometimes people think that because the Catholic church does not allow divorce that means that ALL of Christianity supports this idea).  So I just don't really understand the concept that divorce goes against 'traditional' marriage.......

@ejs Of course, divorce is not usually seen as a 'good' thing, and is still often stigmatized, but many cultures and religions have very detailed explanations for what constitutes divorce and what the proper procedure is for divorce (Specifically I've studied this issue in Judaism and Sunni Islam). In Shia Islam there is also a 'temporary' marriage which has nothing to do with divorce, but does show that there are many different kinds of marriage around the world.  In this case, a person marries (with a few different stipulations from 'permanent' marriage), and can marry another person after the marriage term is completed.  I have actually known people who are in this marriage, although in those specific cases, they have the intention to make their union a 'permanent' marriage.  So anyway, just examples that show a great diversity in concepts of marriage and divorce.

My mother is actually very very very very against divorce, despite being from a very liberal Protestant denomination.  Her neighbour (in his 2nd marriage - first wife passed away) has a serious gambling and drinking problem.  His current wife told my mum that her Catholic priest has said it is okay to leave him because these problems are causing marital and financial problems.  My mother was HORRIFIED that any clergy member would recommend this and was very angry that the wife would even consider it.  (This despite the fact that most of their savings is regularly going into slot machines and he won't get any help).  It really surprised me that my mum was this much against divorce. 

While I think it's clever in an " A Modest Proposal" by Jonthan Swift kind of way, I seriously hope this doesn't actually move forward. My parents tried for 20 years to make their marriage work. They went through many years of counseling and honestly I'm glad they got divorced. The divorce was awful but they are both finally able to move on with their lives in a direction that makes them both happier. And no, they didn't "check out" or "give up" or any of the other mildly insulting terms that people use to describe other people's divorces.

I'll be perfectly honest, and I hope I don't offend anyone because I'm not saying this to call anyone out at all, but I think it's insulting to support anything that would make it more difficult to get out of an unhealthy marriage. Saying "oh, divorce only for abuse and infidelity" disregards the progress that has been made that enables men and women to get out of unhealthy marriages that are not your "typical" definition of abusive or cheating (which, btw, can be hard to prove anyways). Every couple is different and sometimes, like my parents, no matter how hard they try, it doesn't work. Sometimes there really ARE irreconcilable differences.

Turning the clock back on social progress in the name of social equality and "fixing" the divorce stats is stupid. I'm sorry, that's my opinion.

As far as drawing attention to whether or not to expand on the "definition" of marriage, it could also go the other way. If the definition (who defined it, anyway?) were to be expanded to be a union between a man and a man, or woman and woman, why couldn't it also be extended to polygamous unions?

I can't agree with any divorce ban or requirements. It's easy to say what someone should and shouldn't do, but if someone is in an unhealthy or abusive situation there is no reason to make it even more difficult for them to get out of it. And I truly do not believe MOST people get married with the though "well, I can always get divorced."

Having been divorced, I can also say that it's no walk in the park to get divorced depending on whether you have children, how many assests/debts one has, etc. It can be an extremely long and exhausting (both emotionally and financially) process.

I do think couples should be encouraged to seek other options before divorce (for the record we DID go to couples counseling), however perhaps there should be some type of counseling or class requirement when getting a marriage license, so there is work done on the FRONT end of a marriage. I mean, one can't just walk up and get a driver's license without first passing a written test and then having a permit for a certain period of time. To me, that makes more sense.

I also see a ban as something that could potentially be harmful to women and children making it harder to get out a difficult situation. My children are MUCH calmer, happier, and healthier now that we are divorced. It would be sad if we had been forced to jump through hoops to get out of a situation that was hurting all of us.

My two cents for what they're worth.

Um, I'm just going to say I disagree with both of his angles. I think that marriage should be available to EVERYONE, no matter their sexual orientation. I think that limiting marriage to only straight couples is discrimination. Also, if divorce was illegal, I don't think I would ever get marrried. It would be rediculous to force someone to stay married to someone who is abusive or doesn't love them anymore.

@cheerful: Word.