Post # 1
I have put myself in time-out in a separate room to get some advice from you bees before I say something I’m going to regret.
DH is obese. That’s not me saying that, that’s the numbers saying it. He’s got a belly. He wants to lose weight. He is not healthy, and he snores.
Except…he doesn’t understand why this isn’t working! He doesn’t understand that sitting down and eating a whole bag of chips is going to make him stay overweight. He doesn’t understand portion sizes AT ALL.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve introduced him to this iphone app that I love for recording foods (he used one before and was really into it). I told him we (not just him, WE) need to keep track of portion sizes, what we eat, etc. and he says “I don’t know…that seems like a lot of work” AGHHHHH! Bees, I don’t want to have to straight out say to him “you need to lose weight”, but I don’t think he honestly understands how bad this has gotten. I try to go to the gym with him, but our schedules are pretty opposite so I can’t. I try to keep healthy stuff in the house, then he stops at 7-11 before work and stocks up.
Post # 3
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just encourage him when he shows an interest in wanting to live the lifestyle. People need to work up to that themselves, and there needs to be an instance in his or her own life that leads them to make that decision.
I know you have the best of intentions and you love him, but try not to force the lifestyle change on him, or else he’s going to resent it, and maybe even you for “making” him. (We know that isn’t the case, but perception is reality) It needs to be a conclusion he comes to, and embraces and accepts.
Is there a loss of attraction to him on your part? If this is so, there’s no easy way to address that without hurting his feelings.
Post # 4
@StuporDuck: I feel terrible to admit it, but yes there is a loss of attraction. Maybe not for how he looks, as he hasn’t put on alot of weight since we started dating, but because of my resentment for how he doesn’t put any effort in, if that makes sense.
Post # 5
I understand. Life is about choices that add up, every single day. Individual choices on an ongoing continuum are very easy, if you look at it that way. I embrace that, and I’ve lost nearly 30 lbs since February to back that statement up…. BUT***
On the other side of the coin, I had to start out as an overweight woman myself. And without the proper attitude, it’s a very VERY intimidating thing. It DOES seem like a lot of work, because there are so many moving parts to weight loss, it gets daunting. He may be feeling overwhelmed, and if he’s gained the weight in a short amount of time, he’s likely embarrassed about it to begin with. He may not want to work out with you for fear of looking bad. Thusly, the cycle of never beginning perpetuates itself.
Maybe talk to him about what his goals are, and break it down into manageable stepping stones. Week 1: Snack on carrots instead of chips, Week 2, replace your fruit juice or soda with water, minus one glass per day. Small things begin to add up. Once he’s got the hang of *deciding* what to do for himself, things should more easily begin to fall into place.
I hear that you’re frustrated. My FI hasn’t embraced the healthy lifestyle with the same gusto that I have, and I admit, his tummy bothers me at times (mostly when it gets in the way during intimate occasions… TMI, I know…) but at least he’s showing an interest, and when he does make the conscious choice to do something I’m doing, I complement the heck out of him, because it makes him feel good, and it makes him want to continue with the new behavior. It’s all about presentation. 🙂 Men are a simple folk. They like their egos to be stroked, and if they were self conscious to begin with, that’s all the more reason to approach him with patience and positive energy, rather than potentially devastating him by telling him he’s losing his appeal.
Post # 6
Fi and I are both overweight, doing Atkins (the right way) and losing weight. I’ve lost 18 lbs so far, and he’s lost 24 lbs.
Prior to this, he could eat 2 Ben & Jerry’s cartons IN ONE SITTING along with a big bag of chips just because he was bored. On top of that, I was cooking a full dinner every night after work: meat, carb, veg or salad. Honestly, he needs to come to the realization himself. If you have a mean streak in you, move the buttons on his pants about 1/2 inch… that should do it. 🙂
Post # 7
I’m on the other side of this–FI is a skinny bean and I’m heavier than I’d like (I’m fine, health-wise, but I’d like to lose a few). I am all over him to help me out!
Is your FI receptive to heavy-handed help? What we’re/I’m trying is advance meal-planning with cooperative workouts. I do a lot better when we work out together, and find that working out helps reduce anxiety, which helps reduce my stress-eating. Would he be up for working out with you (a walk, Wii, a workout DVD, the gym, running, whatever) after work but before dinner?
He does need to come to the realization himself, but he might just need help with motivation. Is there any way he can also see a nutritionist? If he can see a nutrition therapist, even better–so often, food (issues) and emotion are intertwined.
Post # 8
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: Ha, that’s terrible!
@StuporDuck: “Men are a simple folk” Haha so true, so true.
@BunnyBrideToBe: We are moving, so it’s the perfect opportunity for me to force him to a doctor (as we will need a new family doctor), so he’ll get a much needed physical and maybe that will help give him motivation.
Thanks for letting me vent bees. Of course I don’t want to say anything mean to him, I was just so irritated when he sat down with that bag of chips. Ooooh but I love him…
Post # 9
@soon2bhis: Thank you for starting this post… You are not alone…
Back in January I used to weight 120lbs and I’m 5’11 and 1/2, very skinny, no energie, no muscles, endurance I had none…I eat well but just couldn’t seem to gain weight. I always complained to him about it… I did something about it. I started boot Camp at the beginning of March twice a week for an hour, sometimes 3 times a week. Let me tell you, this boot camp was exactly what I needed. We do Zumba, cardio, muscle toning, abs, bum work, EVERYTHING!!!. I started noticing changes, my apetite changed, I ate 5-6 meals daily, healthy meals too. I have one more week left and I am done my session. I have gained 17lbs since I started boot camp… what a diffence.
My FI: He is a dump truck driver so he pretty much drives all day and in the summer time, it’s all day all night… he has a belly and always complains he wants to loose weight, specially for the wedding… so I tell him go work out – he actually has a gym membership that he has been paying for but has not used it once!… I tell him to eat healthier, take his vitamins… nothing, he doesn’t want to listen.
I recently started working for a nutritional company, it’s natural products, high quality vitamins. So I thought I’d bring home some products for him to try, I have to say that I’m actually impressed, he actually took his vitamins this morning and tonight, I brought him a pack that has AM and PM packets that are pre-made with all his vitamins that he needs. So that’s a start in the right direction, I think.
Other than that, I can not force him, I’ve told him many times before to do something about it instead of complaining all the time like I did. Sorry my reply was SOOOO long…
Post # 10
@soon2bhis: Hahaha… the reason why I suggested that was because THAT’s what made my Fi put down the ice cream. Everything was getting too snug and he couldn’t deny it anymore… and I didn’t move the buttons!