Weddingbee boards

This probably isn't the correct area to post this.

I'm catholic. I went to a catholic school from grade 3 until I graduated high school. When I was younger I went through the baptism, communion, reconciliation, confirmation and we went to church on a pretty regular basic. For the last 7 years I haven't gone too much. I do love to go at Christmas with the family.

I believe in god, but I swear, on BC, premarital sex, etc... All the things Catholics aren't supposed to do.

FI is not religous at all. His mom is Christian but never goes to church. As a kid, FI would go to church once in a while but doesn't understand anything of the bible.

He tries to tell me that Im not very religiouis because I swear, etc...

We've had 1 discussion about our future children. He asked if I'd want to baptise my kids. I said yes... WELL that got to him!

"What if I don't want my children to be religious".

I think you're better off to have a religion then NOT. But I have no idea how to persuade him into it when the time comes :-(

Anyone else deal with this?

Yes. But in the opposite scenario. FI is Catholic and I believe in God, but I'm not what I would call religious. We want to be blessed in the Catholic church, but I had a lot of reservations about having our children baptized. I'm liberal, pro-gay rights, pro BC, etc and I was afraid that my children would become what I thought was the stereotypical Catholic. I was also concerned that I would be sitting in the pews while my kids went up for communion, and was I okay with that?  It wasn't until after we started talking to the marriage coordinator and learned more about what X, Y, and Z would mean that I became more comfortable with it.Plus, something that FI said to me: "Think about the kind of Catholic that I am, and that's pretty much what it'll be like". I can live with that.

ETA: These days, we can use all the community we can get.

We're in a similar boat except that it's reversed.  DH religious and I'm not so much.  Since I don't believe in Original Sin (and therefore that babies don't need to be blessed with Holy Water in order to avoid Purgatory) I'm not comfortable with having our future children baptized.  He's more in the but-that's-the-way-it's-always-been-done-therefore-that's-what-you-do boat.  Also, there's a christening gown that's a family heirloom and tradition. 

I know Original Sin isn't the only reason babies are blessed/baptized/christened anymore.  Maybe you ladies can tell us your faith's interpretations of the ceremony and possibly Sunshine's FI and myself can find a reasons we're comfortable with?  A compromise seems like a good possibility, at least for our situation.

ETA: Wow.  I'm typing slow today!  Lots of good answers all ready!  Rosiebear - That's exactly the sort of thing I'm hoping to do! 

I guess it's more the ritual I want... I like knowing the history of jesus, the bible, etc... FI doesn't know any of that and I want our children to know it and have the option of going to church as an adult.

I've never been a "bible thumper" or anything like that but I think it's good to have a religion.

I grew up in a basically Baptist church, however, my FI went to a Catholic school K-12.  Neither of us are very devout, but we have discussed what will happen when we have children.  We are interested in finding a church that is a little more open minded and "liberal" in a way.  We like the basic tenets of Christianity, but don't believe in all the "little things" (BC etc).  I am in favor of baby dedications but not baptisms - to me, baptisms occur when a person can consciously make a decision about their beliefs.  We also want to expose our children to a lot of different beliefs - explain why we believe the way we do - but as the children grows, they will have to make a decision about what they personally believe.

Sorry if that was jumbled - I have a meeting soon!

@ Sunshine23: Regarding the history comment, I didn't either and being the bookwork that I am got curious and started reading the bible (I also plan on reading the Torah, the Qu'ran, etc) and I have to say that from a secular point of view it's a pretty juicy read! You've got polygamy, smiting, intrigue, incest, unconditional love under extraordinary circumstances, murder, the whole nine yards and I'm only up to Exodus! Tell him that, maybe he'll read it himself and be a bit more comfortable.

We're not getting married in a catholic church... we're just doing it in a hotel with a Justice of the Peace.

I don't think you have to get married in a catholic church to have a child baptised and only 1 parents has be catholic.

@Mighty - I agree about the buffet catholc. I suppose that's what you could call me.

@MissHelen - I'll definitley try to get him to read it, but I doubt he will. He's stubborn!

I'm at work so it's hard to comment on everything right now. When I get home, I want to read thru everyones comments again.  

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school from ages 5-18; FI was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic all-boys' high school.  Both of us have now very consciously left the church and will most certainly not be raising our children religiously, but I would not trade my religious schooling for anything and will be educating my children about many different religious traditions.  As you can see, I was able, upon becoming an adult, to make my own decisions regarding religion, and I was better able to do it than someone who doesn't really understand religion and the depths of its doctrines because I had been schooled to understand its ins and outs for thirteen years.  It has given me a truly beneficial perspective, and I appreciate that.  Although I do hope you can come to some genuine agreements about the upbringing of your children, you should point out to your FI that if your children are being baptized in the eyes of the Catholic God, and he truly does not believe said Catholic God does not exist, then the baptism means nothing.  It won't hurt your children in any way, it will only benefit them if they plan to follow the Catholic faith later in life, when they are capable of making their own decisions.  Frankly, I'd encourage you guys to raise you children Catholic, while also making resources available to them that provide a non-religious perspective (most wise religious people I have met agree that you can't be truly committed to your religion unless your faith has been tested; blind faith means nothing).  When they're adults, they will have seen all that you find to be helpful, beautiful, and whatnot in the Catholic religion, and if they agree with you, then they'll be Catholic.  If not, then they'll probably live good lives as secular people, or people of a different faith, because they have parents who cared about their well-being.

I think you need to have a larger conversation about what role religion is going to play in your lives and in the lives of your future children. This isn't a talk to put off until the babies are here---have it now.