Post # 1
We picked out the rings together in November, and had them since March. Now I feel like he’s just messing with my emotions! We have been on a few weekend trips on the last few months, and on the last TWO he evem made a comment to me about being upset that he hadnt brought the ring. Well, we just got back from our 8 day trip to California, on which I felt so sure it would finally happen – and no. Which wouldn’t have been nearly so upsetting if he hadn’t told a perfect stranger on the first night of our trip that he had brought the ring and was planning on proposing… right in front of me! I was over the moon – it was going to happen! So I waited.. and waited.. and on our very last night, standing in front of the castle at Disneyland waiting for the fireworks show to start, he tells me he’s sorry, but it isn’t going to happen – he’s just “not ready.” WTF. I started crying right then and there. I am trying so hard not to be resentful and to just enjoy the moments as they come, but it feels pretty freakin’ hard to do that right now. Just needed to vent :
Post # 3
@AllieLaLa: It’s hard when there doesn’t seem to be a real reason for the waiting. After all, if they weren’t ready, why buy the ring? And knowing they have the ring, it makes you sit and think about it far more often than you would if you DIDNT know about the ring. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes since Feb, and I’m still having problems with it. Mine told me he wants to ‘see how school goes’, which means anything from December of this year until summer of 2014… if not longer. UGH.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I am so sorry that he said such a stupid thing to get your hopes up and then smashed them at the very last moment.
Honestly I’d be mega pissed.
No actual useful advice I’m afraid, just gunna send you some internet hugs *hug*
Post # 5
@AllieLaLa: I have no real advice, but I do send many hugs xx
Post # 6
@AllieLaLa: I am so, so sorry that he did that, and I totally would have started crying, too! Did he offer any further explanation about what he meant by “not ready?”
Post # 7
🙁 so sorry to hear that. Maybe buying the ring sort of made things more real to him and he’s taking some time to think through it all. That would make sense why he keeps “forgetting” to bring it along, since it buys him more time to decide if he’s ready. You’d much rather him be ready and sure when he proposes, though! I hope things work out soon. hugs
Post # 8
@AllieLaLa: I would be EXTREMELY mad at him and my trust in him would be partly gone, if that happened to me. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I completely understand that you are really upset about it!
I hope you indicated to him exactly how NOT OK that was, and that he is never to do something like that EVER again or he runs the risk of wrecking your relationship. What a stupid thing to do! My god! Talk about leading you on!
He needs to do something pretty awesome to show you that you can still trust him, and he ought to have a better explanation than just that he’s not ready. Wow, I am mad for you!
Post # 9
@Creiddylad: I totally agree with you. I would be furious! Time to pull back a little bit and focus on yourself. Reading your previous posts I thought he was suppose to propose in March? I think you need to get to the nitty gritty of why he wasn’t ready yet.
Post # 10
How hurtful. He really shouldn’t have bought the ring in the first place if he’s not sorted out his readiness.
Post # 11
That’s where my frustration is. It’s the fact that he flat out said he was planning on proposing on our trip, I would get my hopes up so high every day, and every time we did something romantic (candlelit dinner on the beach, parasailing, fireworks at Disney) everything seemed like exactly the type of scenario that he has been talking about for a proposal. And then he’s just suddenly “not ready?” I can understand and support if he truly isn’t ready, but don’t throw it in my face if that really is the case! I just feel like I spent 8 days getting jerked around and being on an emotional rollercoaster. I just wish he had not brought the ring at all and been up front about it not being the right time.
Post # 12
Thank you all for the support by the way, I just felt like I was going to morph into RageMonster if I didn’t let it out somehow.
Post # 13
I don’t understand that either. He shouldn’t have bought the ring if he wasn’t already 100% sure he’s ready to be engaged. Once it’s bought, it should be a matter of waiting for the right moment, not deciding whether you’re ready to make the commitment. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would sit down with him and explain how you feel, and try to find out what he’s hesitant about.
Post # 14
You’re welcome, I would be frustrated if SO mentioned to someone in front of me he was going to propose this holiday… and then not. Sorry 🙁 I hope he sorts out his dithering soon!
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
@AllieLaLa: I went through all of this. We picked out rings and went ring shopping probably last November 2012 for the first time (we had bought our first home July 2012)… I was ready to just make it official ASAP. Not to mention we’ve been together for over 7 years.
Long story short he bought my ring and had it in his possession for quite sometime. It became a point of contention in our relationship for awhile. I always questioned why he didn’t give it to me right away…I always thought “he should be so excited to marry me that the thing should be burning a hole in his pocket!”
Some guys are just different than others. Some need to do it their own way on their own terms. It sounds like you’ve been missing out on the enjoyment of the things that matter… I think he is building up to the proposal. A candlelit dinner, parasailing, and a Disney trip. Instead of focusing on when you’re going to get the ring, relax and enjoy these things he’s trying to do. He’s proving to you he can make you happy and take care of you in his own way. Let him take his time if he needs to, you know he has the ring and it will come eventually.
Please don’t make the mistake I did and constantly nag and whine and lose self worth everytime you see someone else on facebook get engaged before you. Cherish what you have right now… you will be spending your life with this man, it will come soon!
Post # 16
@AllieLaLa: awww! im so sorry girl! normally i would say just chill and relax but the fact he told someone right infront of you then said “im not ready” at the disneyland castle would have made me burst into tears!
But, if he is not ready, he is not ready. You dont want him to rush into it and regret it later right? I am sure it will happen in his own time