Based on the following – would you not write thank you note?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you write the thank you?
    No way. Rude can be met with rude : (63 votes)
    67 %
    Grrrr....yes....while gritting my teeth, I would. : (27 votes)
    29 %
    YES! She still came so she gets a thank you. : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I have always thought that the reception was the thank you for attending, and thank you notes are for gifts, cards, letters, etc.  So based on that no, but only because there was no gift, card, or letter.


    Post # 4
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I only write thank you notes for gifts so no one isn’t warranted here. Had they given a gift, then yes she absolutely should write a thank you note.

    Post # 5
    825 posts
    Busy bee

    I would. I’d be ranting about it to FI the entire time, but I was raised with the kill them with kindness. She’ll feel so foolish about making such a big deal about it, and that it makes for less awkard get together later.

    Post # 6
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @mousepeach:  Nope.  The reception was the thank you for attending the wedding/taking time out of her day.  Formal thank you notes are for gifts only.

    The fact that she brought her uninvited child is incidental…and rude….but doesn’t impact the need for a thank you card.

    Post # 7
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    @mousepeach:  I could not vote. Thank you notes are for. Gifts. No gift = no thank you note.

    Sending gifts to thanks people for coming for at least the 3rd time, can be seen as fishing for gifts.

     But retalitory rudeness is always wrong, and makes you (them)just as bad or worse.

    Post # 8
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @jdhall89:  +1

    I wouldn’t send a thank you note, but it’s not out of spite. I agree that the reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony and a thank you card is only required for a gift.

    Post # 10
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    two wrongs do not make a right, just because her boarish aunt threw etiquette to the wind does not relieve our bride in question of her duties as a hostess.

    Post # 11
    1644 posts
    Bumble bee

    Thank-you notes are for gifts. Thank-you notes for enjoying someone else’s hospitality are due from the guest to the host, not the other way around. In this case though, I would not recommend the bride hold her breath waiting for a bread-and-butter note.

    This modern fashion for “thank-you-for-coming” notes was a brilliant innovation of the photography industry who foresaw a way to sell each bride yet another product featuring an irresistable picture of herself in her lovely special gown. There is nothing offensive about sending out — not really: they are a bit self-aggrandizing but the world tends to be forgiving to pretty young brides — but the text that goes with them should aim more at the “friendly-note still-thinking-of-you” tone than the ingratiating “thank-you for deigning to accept my humble hospitality” form. And that could be perfect for this situation. A custom photo-card with an out-of-focus fractious toddler in the near-ground partially blocking the photographer’s view of the happy couple, and an ambiguous note saying “We had such a happy time and such happy memories of our guests’ sharing it with us. We will long remember the part you played in our special day.” Similar custom cards could be printed up to send to the bachelor frat-brother who was inappropriately drunk. The possibilities intrigue the imagination.

    I actually enjoy the broader gathering of family members at a wedding: including even the fractious toddlers and drunken frat-brothers. It helps, of course, that I met most of the current crop of brides when they were fractious toddlers themselves and still see them through the lasting filter of first impressions.

    Post # 13
    460 posts
    Helper bee

    I am not of the mind to overlook beligerent, ignorant, poor behavior from anyone, and yes, it might be considered “rude” (ooooh, I’m shaking) but so what – I’ve been called FAR worse, and still woke up the next day. And I continue to rest easy knowing that I treat people with politeness & kindness until they fail to show me the same respect.

    That said, yes, I would send a thank you note … with a special handwritten note that reads, “Thanks much to your spawn for preventing others from hearing the emotional, heartfelt exchange of vows that my husband and I painstakingly and thoughtfully put months into preparing for this special day of ours. And thank you for proving exactly why we did not include your child on the invite initially.”

    Post # 14
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    She didn’t get you a gift, so no thank you needed.

    Post # 15
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    No note needed. They did not come with a gift. The thank you to your guests is the reception.

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