Battle of the Junior Bridesmaids: Please Help!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

That doesn’t sound like a bridal party – it sounds like a parade!

BTW, my daughter’s wedding was 21+. Best decision she ever made.

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ohmariemarie:  Wedding parties are not tit for tat. You do not owe a debt to these relatives to have their children in your wedding.

Despite what your Mom says, their parents will probably have other ideas about what they should wear and will likely feel the need to buy their children new outfits and shoes.

A wedding party of 13 is absurd. It is not your obligation to make your mom happy by granting her every wish. This is your wedding and does not need to be her grandiose dream.

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m guessing that your cousins care about this way, way less than your mother. People don’t tend to be close to their cousins’ kids, and I’m sure your cousins are aware that you’re not especially close to their children. Try telling her that. Oh and to be consistent you’d have to include all your fiance’s cousins’ children too. It’s just ridiculous.

Stand your ground.

Post # 7
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Mom, a bridal party of 13 is ridiculous.  If the groom has an equal number on his side, that is 26 people in the wedding party. I am not a crown princess getting married in a cathedral.

I understand that you have a vision about my wedding, but I too have a vision, and it does not involve a 26 person wedding party. I was planning on having 3 BM’s at most.

We can compromise by adding the 2 flower girls (cousin D’s girls)  and 2 ring bearers (cousin E’s boys), but that’s as far as I’m going to go.”

Please realize that you need to convince yourself first that not only do you not have to ask all your cousins’ children to be in the bridal party, but you also do not need to ask all the children so you don’t hurt the others’ feelings. Life doesn’t work that way. They will not always get the blue ribbon, nor even a participant badge. It’s one of life’s lessons that everyone has to learn.

You weren’t in cousin C, D or F’s weddings ( F didn’t have one). You survived and I doubt there was a major family blowout over your being left off the list.

Post # 10
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ohmariemarie:  Yes, it’s fine to just have the two youngest girls.

Post # 11
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ohmariemarie:  julies1949:  I kind of disagree. I think “all or none” is safer. The 9 year old could want to do it more than the 4 year old. And certainly more than the 2 year old, who will barely know what’s going on. Also I don’t think kids younger than 4 should be in the bridal party, unless you’re really close to them and can’t bear not to have them, because they probably won’t “perform” as expected.

Post # 12
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

aussiemum1248:  Feel free to disagree but I think it is a ridiculous expectation that  the bride will have every single female second cousin in the wedding party, and that otherwise she can’t have a flower girl.

The older girls may very well have a moment of hurt feelings, but that’s what parents are for. They will comfort them and explain that most couples only have a few people in the wedding party, not 26. Sometimes they will be chosen, and sometimes it’s someone else’s turn.

 

Post # 14
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

ohmariemarie:  Yea no, I’m totally on your side with this one. It’s your day, your decision!

I have a big very close family with quite a few younger siblings/cousins so i’m having them all walk down the aisle together (in a very casual fashion) to take their seats before the official bridal party makes their entrance. I feel like its a nice way to include them without making a huge crazy thing of it. They won’t be carrying bouquets and they can wear whatever their parents deem appropriate wedding/black tie attire!

As some PP’s have said, excluding children from a wedding can definitely save a lot of stress, i’m just so close to my family that I couldn’t not have the kids there! And they’re all gorgeous and very well behaved, we’ve never had issues with any of them at any event before (including other weddings) so I don’t foresee any issues!

I say stick to your guns. If you don’t want such a fuss made, don’t do it!

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