My bride and I are in a dispute over tuxes. it will be a catholic wedding. our wedding party is two groomsmen, Maid of Honor and one Bridesmaid. My intent and desire is for only the groomsmen and father to where tuxes. The ushers (2) will have no participation in the ceremony so I plan to have them only where suits. One of the ushers is her nephew. My bride wants him to be in a tux for the sake of picture. We also asked her brother and sister in law along with there two boys to bring up the Offertory Gifts. Now she wants her brother and his two boys to all where tuxes also. again, this is only for the sake of the pictures so they will look "cool". Bottom line is I don't want this and have expressed this for a while. Am I making a reasonable request? Who normally has the say on an issue like this...bride or groom? This may sound like a petty thing to you but I feel like i have to sacrafice my desires for the sake of what she thinks is cool. I'm looking for an unbias opinion.
Hmm. Well, I can see how she'd want all the guys to match in the photos. On the other hand, I can see why you'd want only those in the wedding party (or the dads) to have tuxes, so you'll stand out.
Do the ushers already own suits? Could it be an issue of money, in that it's cheaper for them to rent a tux? If so, could you put them in a different color of vest or a different, simpler tux cut so that they're not identical to you guys?
A little variety in everyone's look is actually much "cooler" to a lot of people. The more people who can show up to the wedding in their own clothes, the better. If these extra guys can show up in their own black suits, you will allow them to express a little personality.
It sounds like your bride is just wrapped up in wedding planning, which is understandable and happens to many women. However, if she is making a majority of the decisions, and this one is important to you, she should give you some jurisdiction and let you call some shots. This is both of your days, and you should feel like you represent the decisions that have been made equally.
I guess I'd look at it this way...is it really neccessary to ask all of these people to spend money on tuxes? I think that ushers wearing tuxes is the norm (we're just having our gm double as ushers), but I really dont' think it's neccessary for those bringing up the gifts to dress that formally (I've never seen that done, and I've been to a lot of Catholic weddings). Also, I don't know how old the nephews are, but little boys tuxes run the same price as a men's tux.
I don't think it will matter for the pictures as all of the women, outside of the bridesmaids, will not match.
THX Cricket. I let her make decisions on who the bridesmaids would be, how many, what color and style the dresses would be. I also decided to get all the groomsmens accessories to match in color with the bridesmaids dress color and mine will match my brides. But this is a big deal for me and symbolizes the fact that someone is part of the ceremony. I just looking for the same consideration as i gave her.
Actually, a tux isn't a designation of importance. It is a designation of the level of formality of the event. Technically, if it is a black tie event, all the men (including guests) wear tuxedos. If it is semi-formal, all of them men (including the groom and wedding party) wear suits. And that designation is further based on the time of day of your wedding and reception. Formal wear (tuxedos) are worn after 6, suits in the morning and afternoon.
I feel that if the entire event is to be a formal black tie event, I would understand your bride's desire to have them all dress in tuxes.
However, it doesn't sound like this is the case. That many of your other male guest will be wearing suits.
If that IS the case, I don't feel you're being unreasonable for wanting only your groomsmen and father to wear tuxes. Especially if you feel that you want them to be set apart from non-ceremony participants.
I find that the comparison could be made that if she wants all of the males to fit in and wear tuxes, her sister in law should also "match" with her wedding party. This is a bit of a stretch of course, but it signifies your desire for your wedding party to be set apart.
My bride and I are in a dispute over tuxes. it will be a catholic wedding. our wedding party is two groomsmen, Maid of Honor and one Bridesmaid. My intent and desire is for only the groomsmen and father to where tuxes. The ushers (2) will have no participation in the ceremony so I plan to have them only where suits. One of the ushers is her nephew. My bride wants him to be in a tux for the sake of picture. We also asked her brother and sister in law along with there two boys to bring up the Offertory Gifts. Now she wants her brother and his two boys to all where tuxes also. again, this is only for the sake of the pictures so they will look "cool". Bottom line is I don't want this and have expressed this for a while. Am I making a reasonable request? Who normally has the say on an issue like this...bride or groom? This may sound like a petty thing to you but I feel like i have to sacrafice my desires for the sake of what she thinks is cool. I'm looking for an unbias opinion.
THX
RoswellGroom
posted by Roswellgroom 2 posts 2 months agoHmm. Well, I can see how she'd want all the guys to match in the photos. On the other hand, I can see why you'd want only those in the wedding party (or the dads) to have tuxes, so you'll stand out.
Do the ushers already own suits? Could it be an issue of money, in that it's cheaper for them to rent a tux? If so, could you put them in a different color of vest or a different, simpler tux cut so that they're not identical to you guys?
posted by amysue 637 posts 2 months agoA little variety in everyone's look is actually much "cooler" to a lot of people. The more people who can show up to the wedding in their own clothes, the better. If these extra guys can show up in their own black suits, you will allow them to express a little personality.
It sounds like your bride is just wrapped up in wedding planning, which is understandable and happens to many women. However, if she is making a majority of the decisions, and this one is important to you, she should give you some jurisdiction and let you call some shots. This is both of your days, and you should feel like you represent the decisions that have been made equally.
posted by Cricket 98 posts 2 months agoI guess I'd look at it this way...is it really neccessary to ask all of these people to spend money on tuxes? I think that ushers wearing tuxes is the norm (we're just having our gm double as ushers), but I really dont' think it's neccessary for those bringing up the gifts to dress that formally (I've never seen that done, and I've been to a lot of Catholic weddings). Also, I don't know how old the nephews are, but little boys tuxes run the same price as a men's tux.
I don't think it will matter for the pictures as all of the women, outside of the bridesmaids, will not match.
posted by missx 14 posts 2 months agoTHX Cricket. I let her make decisions on who the bridesmaids would be, how many, what color and style the dresses would be. I also decided to get all the groomsmens accessories to match in color with the bridesmaids dress color and mine will match my brides. But this is a big deal for me and symbolizes the fact that someone is part of the ceremony. I just looking for the same consideration as i gave her.
posted by Roswellgroom 2 posts 2 months agoActually, a tux isn't a designation of importance. It is a designation of the level of formality of the event. Technically, if it is a black tie event, all the men (including guests) wear tuxedos. If it is semi-formal, all of them men (including the groom and wedding party) wear suits. And that designation is further based on the time of day of your wedding and reception. Formal wear (tuxedos) are worn after 6, suits in the morning and afternoon.
posted by CarolineG 284 posts 2 months agoI feel that if the entire event is to be a formal black tie event, I would understand your bride's desire to have them all dress in tuxes.
However, it doesn't sound like this is the case. That many of your other male guest will be wearing suits.
If that IS the case, I don't feel you're being unreasonable for wanting only your groomsmen and father to wear tuxes. Especially if you feel that you want them to be set apart from non-ceremony participants.
I find that the comparison could be made that if she wants all of the males to fit in and wear tuxes, her sister in law should also "match" with her wedding party. This is a bit of a stretch of course, but it signifies your desire for your wedding party to be set apart.
Best of luck to you!
posted by l3r0wnEyedGurL 50 posts 2 months ago