Post # 1
I will preface this question/rant with this statement, I love my in-laws. BUT they are so stubborn and hard headed I sometimes want to yell at them! My DH’s nephew calls his parents NaNa and Pa-paw. My husband and I both grew up with “Grandma and Grandpa.” While we are not completely against Nana, we HATE Pa-paw. The way they say it even gets under my skin. My husband and I both agree we do not want our daughter calling them that. On Christmas, a conversation was brought up about Pa-paw spoiling her, and I found it a great time to bring up that he will be grandpa NOT pa-paw. He argued for a bit, but finally conceded and said whatever we want. NOW both of his parents have sent us text messages and posted on Facebook about how pa-paw will love her or look what pa-paw bought her. I feel we already made it clear that is not what she will call them. I would like to address it and remind them what we have decided, but my DH doesnt want to start a fight. He says we will just make it known once she is born. I am afraid that since we already told them what they would be called and they still refuse to acknowledge it that they will refer to themselves as that and our daughter will be extremely confused. Has anyone else had experience with this? How did you deal with it? How should we “nip it in the bud” so to speak?
I will also add that we are ok with a derivative of Grandma or Grandpa, or something more normal for the area we live in. Pa-paw is not a typical name for a grandparent. We want them to be happy with the name chosen, but we are the parents, and I feel we should have a say as well.
Post # 3
@AlwaysLoverly: your kid will call them whatever you refer to them as. Don’t worry about it now.
Post # 4
@AlwaysLoverly: Your kid will hear whatever it is you call him 1000x more then what he calls himself. He will never win this battle. It is absurd he is trying, but perhaps he has time on his hands. Funny story – friend of mine when she was little had to go to the letter of her mom’s first name for preschool pick up. The adult helper asked what her mom’s name was. She said mommy. So the adult says ‘what does your daddy call her and she said ‘Babe’. (which is not her name either) Kids pick up words and behavoirs pretty much based on what is around them so unless they plan on daycaring for you I can’t ever see this as a real issue. The kid might only get out something that sound’s like ‘fart face’ and if their grandchild calls them that – they will be fine with it.
Post # 5
@AlwaysLoverly: DH heard grandpa and grandpa growing up BUT his grandpa and grandma on his mom’s side (her real dad and step mom) REFUSED to be called grandpa and grandma becuase they had children as young as DH and they felt more like parents than grandparents already, SO he was forced to call them Nana and Papa. DH grew up hating it and thought it was ridiculous to be pulled in each direction on what to be called. He was constantly chastised as a child over what was right or wrong.
So I would say let your child call them whatever he/she feel best. He/she will more than likely end up calling them whatever you call them, but I wouldn’t tell your child, “You cannot call him papa!” I also wouldn’t consider it reasonable for your in laws to tell your child, “Don’t call me grandpa.” I say let the kid pick what he/she wants to call them.
Post # 6
Hmm…this is a tricky one. The fact that they already have grandchildren and names have already been established, it can be tricky for there to be two names for one person….imagine your nephew talking about his PaPaw and your daughter having no idea who he is referring to because to her, he is Grandpa.
Maybe you could refer to him as Grandpa PaPaw or GrandpaPaw and then slowly leave the Paw off.
Post # 7
@megz06: I would never tell her what she can and can’t call them, which is why I would love to have this “argument” settled before she gets here! I hope she picks up on what we call them, but if she prefers pa-paw, we will probably love it as much as they do (and I can only imagine how cute it would sound coming out of her mouth!)
@keesl: HAHA I would LOVE for her to call him “fart face”
@FromA2B2013: That was their reasoning for wanting to stay Nana and Pa-paw, but I dont think it’s fair [stomping foot!]. I know it will be hard, but they are only having two grandkids (one from us and one from DH’s sister), so maybe it won’t be so hard to have them be called something different, I hope.
Post # 8
I would caution you to consider whether it is worth “battling” them over this. I get where they are coming from – they want to be referred to with the name/title they prefer. You wouldn’t call someone by a nickname they hate, or insist on using Mrs. if a woman prefers Ms. So why get all worked up about what your FIL prefers?
Post # 9
I really didn’t care what my daughter called her grandparents. It ended up being “grandpa” and, for both sets “Grandma *insert first name here*” FWIW, I think the different names are kind of endearing; my maternal grandfather was “granddad.” My daughter, even to this day as an adult, has called me “mama.”
Post # 10
@AlwaysLoverly: I think your kid will end up following whatever you refer to them as anyway.
Apparently my grandparents used to refer to themselves as memere and pepere (they’re french canadian). I think my mom (who is anglo) didn’t get used to that and always referred to them as granny and grandpa, and that’s what we ended up calling them. Despite that lots of our cousins call them memere and pepere. (Weird because I wish that was what we called them now…)
Post # 11
@AlwaysLoverly: We always called my grandparents “gramma” and “grampa”. But one of my little cousins starting calling him Papa (“pup-uh” pronunciation) and shes the only one that does. It can change to whatever the little kid wants to call him.
Post # 12
@AlwaysLoverly: I just wouldn’t have the “arguement.” There are other things so much more worth figuring out before this. Honestly, I have in laws that drive me nuts, and my MIL has her mind set on what SHE expects for this baby, and honestly? I’m letting her think that its going to happen rather than fighting her becuase in the end its my child and what I say goes. If your child grows up hearing you say grandpa and grandma, child will more than likely followw suit.
In the meantime, if they are making Facebook messgaes about how “papa” will feel, just let it go. When the time comes, if they start correcting your child deal with it then if it really bothers you.
Post # 13
@KitKatNYC: You have a very good point, but it bothers me that as the parent, my wishes are not being considered. I think there is a lot that plays in to this as well. They are the type of people that think they know what’s best for my child (and she’s not even here yet!). I know we are going to have several fights over how I raise her (I have neices and nephews and was a nanny for 7 years), I will be the type of parent that is strict but loves her. She will not be spoiled, and they do not discipline at all and as a result, DH’s nephew is a spoiled brat (they watch him all the time). I think I am afraid if they “win” this argument, they think they can win all the others.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
My cousins called our maternal grandparents “Mama and Papa” and I called them “Grandma and Grandpa” because that’s what my parents referred to them as so that’s what I picked up on but I don’t think anyone ever had a problem with it. With my paternal grandparents we call them “Granny and Granddad” because they wanted it and I think it may be more traditional where they are in England.
I do have a family friend who HATES that her grandson is being told to call her MeeMaw. It is not commonly used around here and she just wants to be “Grandma” or even “Grandma Bee” since her last name starts with “B” if that’s easier. So I am also not a fan or making someone be called any type of name that they hate just because someone else prefers it. I find it not much different from someone just deciding they don’t like my name so they’re going to call me by something else of their choosing.
Overall I just wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think if you refer to them by Grandma and Grandpa and they don’t hate being called that – seems like they’ve said they’re okay with it…then your child will probably pick up on calling them that too.
Post # 15
Honestly, this just isn’t worth fighting over. If someone wants to be called a certain nickname, i don’t see why it’s your right to deny them that simply because YOU aren’t a fan
Post # 16
@AlwaysLoverly: I think you need to let this one go. Personally, I think first time grandparents get to choose whatever names they would like. However, in your case, they aren’t first time grandparents. They already have names established. It’s really not a big deal what your kid calls them. It’s not like they want to be called mom and dad.