Battle with Grandparents over what to be called!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@AlwaysLoverly:  your kid will call them whatever you refer to them as. Don’t worry about it now. 

Post # 4
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

@AlwaysLoverly:  Your kid will hear whatever it is you call him 1000x more then what he calls himself. He will never win this battle. It is absurd he is trying, but perhaps he has time on his hands. Funny story – friend of mine when she was little had to go to the letter of her mom’s first name for preschool pick up. The adult helper asked what her mom’s name was. She said mommy. So the adult says ‘what does your daddy call her and she said ‘Babe’. (which is not her name either)  Kids pick up words and behavoirs pretty much based on what is around them so unless they plan on daycaring for you I can’t ever see this as a real issue. The kid might only get out something that sound’s like ‘fart face’ and if their grandchild calls them that – they will be fine with it. 

 

Post # 5
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@AlwaysLoverly:  DH heard grandpa and grandpa growing up BUT his grandpa and grandma on his mom’s side (her real dad and step mom) REFUSED to be called grandpa and grandma becuase they had children as young as DH and they felt more like parents than grandparents already, SO he was forced to call them Nana and Papa. DH grew up hating it and thought it was ridiculous to be pulled in each direction on what to be called. He was constantly chastised as a child over what was right or wrong.

So I would say let your child call them whatever he/she feel best. He/she will more than likely end up calling them whatever you call them, but I wouldn’t tell your child, “You cannot call him papa!” I also wouldn’t consider it reasonable for your in laws to tell your child, “Don’t call me grandpa.” I say let the kid pick what he/she wants to call them.

Post # 6
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hmm…this is a tricky one. The fact that they already have grandchildren and names have already been established, it can be tricky for there to be two names for one person….imagine your nephew talking about his PaPaw and your daughter having no idea who he is referring to because to her, he is Grandpa. 

Maybe you could refer to him as Grandpa PaPaw or GrandpaPaw and then slowly leave the Paw off. 

Post # 8
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would caution you to consider whether it is worth “battling” them over this. I get where they are coming from – they want to be referred to with the name/title they prefer. You wouldn’t call someone by a nickname they hate, or insist on using Mrs. if a woman prefers Ms. So why get all worked up about what your FIL prefers?

Post # 9
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I really didn’t care what my daughter called her grandparents.  It ended up being “grandpa” and, for both sets “Grandma *insert first name here*”  FWIW, I think the different names are kind of endearing; my maternal grandfather was “granddad.”  My daughter, even to this day as an adult, has called me “mama.” 

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AlwaysLoverly:  I think your kid will end up following whatever you refer to them as anyway.

Apparently my grandparents used to refer to themselves as memere and pepere (they’re french canadian).  I think my mom (who is anglo) didn’t get used to that and always referred to them as granny and grandpa, and that’s what we ended up calling them.  Despite that lots of our cousins call them memere and pepere.  (Weird because I wish that was what we called them now…)

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

@AlwaysLoverly:  We always called my grandparents “gramma” and “grampa”. But one of my little cousins starting calling him Papa (“pup-uh” pronunciation) and shes the only one that does. It can change to whatever the little kid wants to call him. 

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@AlwaysLoverly:  I just wouldn’t have the “arguement.” There are other things so much more worth figuring out before this. Honestly, I have in laws that drive me nuts, and my MIL has her mind set on what SHE expects for this baby, and honestly? I’m letting her think that its going to happen rather than fighting her becuase in the end its my child and what I say goes. If your child grows up hearing you say grandpa and grandma, child will more than likely followw suit.

In the meantime, if they are making Facebook messgaes about how “papa” will feel, just let it go. When the time comes, if they start correcting your child deal with it then if it really bothers you.

Post # 14
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

My cousins called our maternal grandparents “Mama and Papa” and I called them “Grandma and Grandpa” because that’s what my parents referred to them as so that’s what I picked up on but I don’t think anyone ever had a problem with it. With my paternal grandparents we call them “Granny and Granddad” because they wanted it and I think it may be more traditional where they are in England.

I do have a family friend who HATES that her grandson is being told to call her MeeMaw. It is not commonly used around here and she just wants to be “Grandma” or even “Grandma Bee” since her last name starts with “B” if that’s easier. So I am also not a fan or making someone be called any type of name that they hate just because someone else prefers it. I find it not much different from someone just deciding they don’t like my name so they’re going to call me by something else of their choosing.

Overall I just wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think if you refer to them by Grandma and Grandpa and they don’t hate being called that – seems like they’ve said they’re okay with it…then your child will probably pick up on calling them that too.

Post # 15
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, this just isn’t worth fighting over. If someone wants to be called a certain nickname, i don’t see why it’s your right to deny them that simply because YOU aren’t a fan

Post # 16
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AlwaysLoverly:  I think you need to let this one go. Personally, I think first time grandparents get to choose whatever names they would like.  However, in your case, they aren’t first time grandparents.  They already have names established. It’s really not a big deal what your kid calls them.  It’s not like they want to be called mom and dad.

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