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Coming from the Midwest, this is a fairly common means of "catering" for a wedding, at least among my social circle. It's a great cheap alternative, but you have to keep it organized to make sure you don't have too many problems. You or your mom should sit down with all the women and decide who is going to make what, going into this "meeting" having a general idea of what you want (how many sides, etc.) Make sure your female family members know that if they're the only one making a certain dish, it's going to take a lot for 125 people. You could go the extra mile and help them figure out how many batches of their recipe they need, and then add a little to what would feed 125 since this will undoubtedly be served in a buffet format. If they're going off of a recipe that tells you how many servings it makes, it should be simple math to tell you how many batches to make. Depending on the number of "helpers" you have, you may want to have two people making each item so no one has to spend the entire day before making (and storing) a ginormous amount of potato salad. HTH.
For our wedding in June we are having a picnic barbecue recpetion and are putting on the invitations for eveybody to bring something for the reception. That way we don't have to fork out the money for a caterer which is riduculously priced and not in the budget at all so we decided that this was the way to go. We are going to have a couple of grills ready for hot dogs for the kids and chicken and possibly ribs or steaks which we are getting but not sure which one we're going to use yet. When I did tell several family members so far they were all for it and they are helping with the menu planning and they are already figuing out what to make. Everybody that I have talked to thinks it's a great idea and more personable and alot more fun. This way everybody gets to be involoved and bring their favorite item. I also am going to everybody send me a copy of the recipes of the meal that they are going to bring and I am going to put them into a cookbook and hand them out as wedding favors for everybody. You can check on the computer for the amounts of food for the recipes and then people know how much of what is required to make the food so then you don;t run out. My sister is making potato salad and macaroni salad and meatballs for sweet & sour meatballs. My best friend is making the vegetable platter and the dips. With having about 100 people there is alot of food but there should be something for everybody. And then when people start saying what they are planning on bringing you will know if there is double of anything and if there is more than 1 type of macaroni or potato salad, who cares?
I'm sorry---but that seems rather tacky.
If you are going to have a wedding celebration, do it right. Or don't do it at all.
Summermom5- If I were a guest to a wedding where we were requested to bring food, I would chuckle. That would def. be the wedding that no one forgets. I mean its your wedding, loosen the purse straps a little, yeah?
This is also really common where I live, and I agree that the main problem is that most people aren't used to cooking for 125! Plus, most people just don't have enough baking or serving dishes to prepare that much food. If your church has a big industrial kitchen, you can maybe borrow big pots and trays from them, or even do the cooking there. For the hot food, it will also make a big difference if you can cook and serve it in the same place, as obviously you can't easily keep four big lasagnes (or what have you) warm while you bake the fifth, and then transport them all. Timing also becomes kind of an issue, as either some folks have to miss the wedding because they are cooking or setting up, or there needs to be a delay between the wedding and the actual food part of the reception in which you cook or reheat the hot food. It's absolutely do-able, but you're right to think that there is more to it than the average potluck dinner.
maybe you can have the "main course" caterered and have family make a dessert table or a few sides.......i would make sure all the trays/platters look reallynice and match ...so it looks nice and neat!!
@ boogerette: Some of us can "loosen the strings" all we want, but if there's nothing in the purse it doesn't do you much good! I think it's absolutely ridiculous to go into debt trying to put on a wedding above your means. Don't forget that simple is frequently one of the first words used to describe classic.
July09, there is definitely a way to pull this off and I think you've got the right idea. Have you checked out Sara at http://2000dollarwedding.com/? She could be a great resource as she did something similar (which her guests LOVED) and is wonderful about answering questions and helping other brides out.
Good luck!
I'm from the midwest too (Chicago) and have NEVER heard of such a thing as a pot luck wedding. I remember attending those with my parents when I was little for church events.
But, I think there is some great advice above. Just make sure those important ladies (mom, grandmas, aunts, etc.) don't miss out on the wedding or events and feel stressed out making this perfect for you. If at all possible, try to relieve some of this by having the main course catered like mnecchi said.
But please don't ask your guests to bring food to your wedding! To be frank, I would be a little annoyed and would probably do something a little more gourmet and count it as most (if not all) of their wedding gift!
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My fiance and I are having a hard time deciding what to do regarding the catering too. On one hand, we want it catered because then no one will have to worry about if there's enough food and all family/friends can enjoy the celebration. On the other hand, there's not much "in the purse" and we aren't going to go into debt for the wedding, but we won't have money for a down payment for a house either. My fiance's entire family is filled with professional cooks (used to own a restaurant), and my mom's not too shabby of a cook either, but again, I want them to enjoy themselves on the day that their first wedding of their oldest children. I just I am as lost as you are and I'm sorry I don't have any advice.
I think overall I'm leaving towards the ladies of the family to make the dishes - they have done it before for some of my cousins weddings and they didn't get the chance to enjoy in the whole reception - so I'm thinking maybe I can pay some staff of the park we are using to help set up, serve and clean up??? Or if they aren't willing to maybe a friend of a friend??? We are trying to keep our wedding under $8K and so far we are good - but this is out last decision to make!
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@ boogerette - Let's not resort to using the phrase "tacky" when wedding customs vary so widely in this world and everyone does something different. It wasn't that long ago that dessert and punch weddings were the norm and a grand dinner would have seemed silly. If that's the kind of wedding you want, then it will be perfect for you. For those out there who don't think that's their style, there's nothing wrong with a dessert reception, an appetizer reception, and yes, even a potluck reception. If it will be well received by her guests, then it works for her. Obviously, it may not be the right avenue to go in certain crowds, but I guess it works for us "tacky" folks.
@ Little Bear - You gave great advice! But, when I say Midwest, I mean rural areas in Iowa, Kansas, etc., and not so much Chicago. I'm not surprised potluck weddings aren't something that happen in such a big city. :)
I think a family-catered meal is a lovely idea if your family members are up for it! 125 is a pretty big crowd to cook for but I think with some careful planning they could pull it off.
But can I make a suggestion? It might be a good idea to put a time gap between the ceremony and the reception (at least two hours) to make sure your loved ones don't miss out on your vows because they're fixing the food. You might have to think of something for your other guests to do during that time but it would be worth it to make sure your family doesn't miss the ceremony.
Also, this may sound silly, but have you considered not serving a meal at all? You could just have wedding cake, a few hors d'ouevres, and some drinks (not necc. alcoholic) immediately following the ceremony. It's not as fancy or as formal, but it's a lot more budget-friendly -- and that way your family wouldn't be cooking the day away. As long as your reception isn't at mealtime I don't think anyone would mind not being served a full meal.
I dont think it's tacky at all. I agree that it might be easier to have the meat portion catered like chicken or barbeque but I was totally part of a wedding where we all helped cook the side dishes. We cooked huge pots of pasta salad and corn salad and potato salad. There was plenty of food for everyone and even some left over. You can do it! Just assign everyone a dish before hand and then enjoy your day!
@ boogerette - As PP said it is really rude to say to someone you don't know and who's financial situation you also dont know to "loosent the purse strings." I too am from Chicago like Little Bear and no up here it isn't common to see a potlock wedding or a family catered wedding but I also orginally came from a small town in Central IL and down there this would be much more common. The whole idea of a big expensive sit down dinner is something that has only really come about in the last 20 or so years up to that point most people had Cake and Punch receptions, family cooked meals, or potluck dinners. And while most of use, including myself, bow down to the wedding monster and ultimatly have a ridiculous expensive sit down dinner that isnt the only option and you shouldnt make people feel like what they are doing is some how lesser because of it.
Much like Bridal showers, weddings are differnet from region to region and city to city. I didn't want a sit down dinner style Bridal shower but my husbands parents insisted that was how things were done up here. They then spent an unnecessary amount of money, for an event that would have been far more fun without the stuffy sit down lunch served in a restaurant. By contrast my family from down state threw me a Bridal shower at the church hall, we had homemade cake, homemade punch, and homemade cream cheese mints and tons of laughs at the creative games they came up with and the stories they shared. We spent far more time talking to each other than I got to with my husband's family because it was more informal. Maybe my bridal shower was tacky to some people but to me that was exactly what I wanted and the "classy/proper" way of doing this just didnt fit me or my family.
To the opening poster I think depending on how close you are to these 135 people you could ask them to do a potluck if you are really close to everyone that is coming or if not then as someone else mentioned either have the family make stuff or have the main course catered in and then the rest done by the family. Personally I would be happy to be invited to a potluck wedding but then again I love to cook and love to share that with others.
I like the suggestion of doing both. You can have the BBQ as the main course and ask your family and close friends prepare 3-4 side dishes in bulk. Hire two people to man the BBQ and refill serving trays and guests can help themselves at the buffet. That way the main entree will be hot when served and your family and friends can still enjoy the wedding.
@july09bride: I'm in a similar situation as you. I choose to have the meal made by ourselves. I made sure the whole meal can warm/cook while the ceremony is going and no one will have to attend to it. We plan on making all the food a few days before and then storing it in the fridge. Our meal consists of: Roast Beef, Gravy, Cheesy Potatoes, Green Beans, Corn, and Rolls. All we have to do is transport our food to the reception site which has a commerical kitchen and heat everything up for the day. I also ask one of my family members who is a great cook and doesn't mind watching the food (being that she will also be the one to tell me to sit and not worry about the other aspects of the day). The cheapest catering place I found was Hy-vee and for the amount people coming it would cost a good chunk of $$ we don't have. I also feel homemade is better then the fancier things as well.
@Bridediy, loveatfirst, and boogerette - My cousin didn't have a caterer and hired a few people to be waiters and handle the food. My cousin and aunt prepared all the food themselves. I thought it was caterer til my cousin told me otherwise. It was still good food. It is very different from the Bigger Cities (NY, Chicago, etc) and the being on the coast versus rural midwest areas.
Another suggestion would be to do a dessert buffet that the members of your family can bake ahead of time! That means lots of cakes, pies, cookies, any regional specialties, etc. I think Mrs. Blueberry did something similar, if my memory serves me correctly. :)
My Mom's family routinely has done potluck weddings. There is ususally a large quantity of a main dish (such ast baked ziti) and then the women in the family bring assined dishes. the dishes are usually the staples they bring to the 4th of July picnic or church supper.
We considered this but vetoed it because half our guests will be from out fo town and it could cause them hurt feelings because they can't participate. So we decided to do a cookie buffet instead. We will ask women on all sides of both families to bring cookies and we will serve milk in single serving bottles (my dad is a dairy farmer) and provide bags for them to be taken home in with a cute sticker from us. This is a tradition with Italian families in many areas. We are also asking for copies of the recipies so we can make a little booklet of them to go with the cookies if they want.
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I'm also loving the heavy hors d'ouevres idea. How many times have you been at a cocktail hour and then regretted eating so many of the delicious little finger foods when you sat down to dinner? It's probably the route I would be going if the wedding wasn't going to be out of town.
Coming from a health prospective, nix the potluck, the food will probably end up sitting out to long... the risk or your guests getting sick is not worth the money saved. The largest source of food poisonings occur at potlucks and church functions. (I'm studying to be a health inspector)
BBQ is fine just think "clean" (think fork and knife), people dress up to weddings, the last thing anyone wants is "bbq stain on that white tuxedo shirt"
You can also do a breakfast wedding with coffee, sweet breads, fruit etc
or a wine and cheese reception, different types of wine (not sure if you have BevMo where you are but I got ALL of my wine during the nickle sale) and different cheese and munchie stations.
I also love the dessert reception just be aware those weddings start pretty late.
Just have fun with it!
BBQ weddings are the norm where I come from. They are very nicely catered, but because of the heritage of my area, BBQ is not only expected, but enjoyed. Go with what you would enjoy, its your day!
Aw- I love the BBQ idea! It would be fun and interactive-- I feel like it'd give everyone time to celebrate and enjoy themselves outside (given the weather is good). I'm all about wedding being fun and laid-back! I think that trumps the potluck idea just because you'll be able to cook most things on the spot and everyone can pitch in rather than just a set number of people :)
I definitely agree with TallBride-- just have fun!!
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Our budget is wearing thin :( So I'm having trouble making a decision on the food for our reception - I've never been a fan of the really gourmet type of food that is normally at weddings - we prefer good old home cooking. Our first idea was to do like a southern bbq type menu, but my mom brought up having a sort of potluck dinner (not so much to where we would have all of the guests bring a dish) but more so that my mom would organize between the aunts, mothers and grandmothers of the family a menu of real good old homecooking - so now I'm torn....any thoughts? I like the idea of the homecooking - but I have a huge fear they will not make enough food for everyone (125 people).....