Post # 1
we are wondering a few things:
1. as a member of the bridal party how much money did you put out for the bachlorette party
2. as a guest to a bachlorette party how much money did you put out
3. what is your opinion of this situation:
There are 6 bridesmaids and for the bachlorette we are going to rent a house boat that costs $1900 after tax. we will still need gas, food booze and decorations. The house boat sleeps about 15 -20 so that will be the intended invited guest list. if there are 20 people who each pay $150 for the 3 day weekend house boat trip that will be a grand total of $3000 which will cover the house boat, the gas and a few texas micky’s (huge bottles of liquor that cost about $150 each) and this will cover the decor/ props/ games as well.
One bridesmaid thinks we should just go for a night on the town (in a city that most will have to travel to, stay over night in and then cover at bars, limo etc.) this is because she says she doesnt have alot of money, meanwhile she is spending money on things that shouldn’t matter to her as much as her best friends wedding and activities. A part of this situation is the dress’s, alterations and accesories have been entirely paid for by the bride. So no one has put forth any money for anything.
The bride is willing to pay for much more than her portion, as well as: if for example there are 20 that say they are coming but only 15 end up coming, she will put forth the extra money to make this happen.
We want to hear all opinions, even if you are opposed to every part of it, also some suggestions on how to deal with BM that aren’t active in bridal party
Post # 3
I think 150$ is very reasonable but I live in an area that tends to be a little pricey anyway. For example, a night out in AC or Philly would easily cost me 150 between all the drinks for myself (buying for the bride) splitting a room (chipping in for brides room) cab fares or parking, Etc. if the bride has paid for the dress I think 150$ is nothing to ask
Post # 4
I think this is too much. I don’t like how bachelorette parties have turned into weekend getaways instead of a one night celebration. My DH is involved in bachelor party planning right now. They had a list of 12 guys, and now only 3 can go. He will have to lay out almost $800 because everyone has backed out and I think it is ridiculous. While $150 may not be a lot of money to you, it may be a lot to other people.
Post # 5
I don’t think you have the right to judge the bridesmaid who wants to do something out on the town to save money. People have different priorities. I think $150 isn’t bad to spend considering you didn’t have to buy a dress, but $150 is still a lot of money for some people. It’s great that the bride was able to cover everyone’s dress cost but I don’t think that entitles her to some fancy house boat being rented. I’m not saying the bride feels that way either — I’m merely just tossing things out there.
Furthermore, I don’t think it’s right to act like she cares any less than you do because she’s trying to budget her money. She may have bought them some extravagent wedding present that you don’t know about, or she genuinely might not have that money available to her. But to say that she’s spending money on things that don’t matter in comparison is kind of rude.
Post # 6
I think $150 is very reasonable for a bachelorette, especially for a weekend away. However, the one bridesmaid may have a tight budget and if the party was in the city would be planning on spending less money on food and drinks. It is unfair for you to say she spends her money on things “that shouldn’t matter as much as the wedding”. If the group is going to be 20 people, one person shouldn’t dictate where the party is. If the $150 is still too much for her, than it is too much. If a bachelorette was outside my comfort zone money wise, I just wouldn’t attend.
Post # 7
@MrsTVLover: I hadn’t even thought of that factor either. Yeah, there’s no way I’d be down for something like that if I could potentially have to pay even more if people back out. Nope. And you figure that someone HAS to book it in their name…then they’re financially responsible for it all. Yeah, no thanks. $150 is a lot of money and I would never expect someone to do something so extravagent for me and if my friends had to potentially shell out even more than that…honestly would make me sick to find out.
Post # 8
I think $150 is reasonable for a weekend type of thing. If the majority wants to do it I think that’s fine…and if someone can’t afford it then they should just skip out on it. All of the BM don’t have to be there.
We’re going to Vegas for mine, but it’s possible one of my BM can’t come. I wasn’t planning on her coming, though recently she told me she is going to try. If she can’t come it’s not a big deal.
Post # 9
Yup, $150 is super reasonable for a 3 day weekend. I spent about $150 on 1 night and felt that was too much. The only concern though is getting 20 people together that are willing to spend that money. Maybe put out some feelers first?
Post # 10
@avonleaR: I think it sounds like a fun trip IF everyone committs to going and is comfortable spending $150.00. While for me personally I wouldn’t have an issue with spending that on top of the other wedding related BM expenses not everyone has that luxury. Also to consider as the PP mentioned that if everyone does not go the BM’s that do go need to be prepared to pay more.
While I wanted a weekend away several of my friends who are SAHM or not financially secure could not afford to do so and so as the bride I had to make the decision to do something that included the majority of ladies. I don’t regret it and I think in the end everyone had a great time with a small budget.
In the end the bride has to decide if she wants everyone to be included and do something affordable or if she is okay with some people not being able to afford the trip and opt out.
Post # 11
At the last bachlorette party I held, I spent about $150 for food and $300 for a local musican to play music. I have never had to pay to attend a bachlorette party and I never will!
Post # 12
@SuperDuperBrit: I just wanted to make a clarification if you may, this BM we have been friends with since we were 10, and she is kind of a me person, She is buying clip in hair extensions that cost about $400, we all know that it is personal how people like to spend their money, but i just wanted to show the situation as a whole. From my perspective hair extensions vs your friends only bachlorette party? $150 isn’t much
Post # 13
@crystalrae: good call on the feelers, we are do so as we speak 🙂 I think the boards deffinately help to do that, but we will with the guest list as well
Post # 14
@avonleaR: These parties are getting out of hand, I’m sorry. What happened to going out for the evening (MAYBE overnight) for drinks with your girls? The money really isnt an issue for me, it’s the time committment. Everyone wants to say “oh, it’s just ONE weekend” but my weekend time at home is limited becuase I basically have 2 jobs, so that ‘family time’ is precious to me.
As far as “dealing” bridesmaids who arent “participating”, I’d would seriously NOT volunteer to be that person that does that on behalf of the bride. You arent the brides right-hand man, and people will participate as they are able (and willing) to. There is no need to make people feel guilty or try to strong-arm them into being at everything.
All-in-all, $150 is a good deal for 3 days to the average person, but do not expect everyone to be on board and if they arent, don’t treat them differently.
ETA: *just* read the part about the BM you feel is not prioritizing her spending. #1 she does not have to explain her finances to anyone. If she wants to spend her money on hair extensions, that’s her prerogative. #2 it is not YOUR job or anyone elses to try to make that distinction for her or about her. I would tread carefully with even continuing that discussion amongst yourselves.
Post # 15
@avonleaR: I still think if she wants $400 hair extensions she has the right to. I mean, it’s her hair. Would I pay that kind of money for clip in hair? No, I wouldn’t. Do I find that to be a little crazy? Yes, but that’s because I have no desire for hair extensions whereas this girl might so my thoughts still stays the same. It could be a confidence booster for her and she may plan to wear them longer or whatever (and even if she doesn’t it’s her choice to do what she wants with her own body).
@badabing88: I agree, I think one night out on the town is more than enough. Honestly, I didn’t even care if I did anything. I went to a paint your own pottery place + dinner and had a blast. One night with a few friends and it was great. I didn’t need or expect a whole weekend.
Post # 16
@SuperDuperBrit: +10, I would not be friends with people if I found out they were discussing me in that way: “well, she says she doesnt ‘have the money’, but look at _____ she just bought. If she were your real friend, and if your wedding was important to her, she’d use that money on this.” I have been talked about in this manner before and it was NOT a good outcome.
ETA: this happened to me with a friends “bachelorette weekend” and I was pretty furious when I found out. My paid off car had JUST crapped out and I had to but a new one, which meant having a car payment again. The car I opted for happened to be a few year old, nicer vehicle (this will be relevent momentarily).
Well, the bachelorette weekend comes about and i’ve just started a new job (waiting a few weeks for a check) AND just bought a new car, so I told the bride *in confidence* that I could only make it to one day, not all 3. Next thing I know, I’m hearing back that the entire group had been informed of our conversation, and they are making comments like “whatEVER she can’t afford the whole weekend! look at that car she just bought” and my favorite “obviously, bride, your weekend just wasnt that important to her.”
What this people *didnt* know is that a good friend sold me this ‘luxury vehicle’ (a few years old) at a ridiculously low interest rate and a microscopic payment. Again, none of it was their business to begin with, but I was basically called a bad friend for spending my money on something I wanted/needed and not blowing a car payment on one weekend.