BD troubles…

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

sj8082:  It’s funny that you posted this because I am in a similar situation. My DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for almost 9 months and in that whole time he actually has never had a huge sex drive, but especially after we both finished school and started working full time, he is just really tired during the. We are typically a once a week couple and this was our 1st month TTC. He is already nervous about the whole thing, so I was surprised when he was able to umm, stay “engaged” when we BD on Thursday. But then when we tried to BD on Saturday (O day, of all days), he just couldn’t…we tried twice a couple of hours apart. I just told him not to worry about it and we would try again on Sunday, which we did successfully. I was bummed because I really wanted to try to hit O date, but I know that he felt waaay worse and me being down about it was not going to help the situation at all. 

I guess I don’t have advice really other than to say that you are not alone. But I think it’s really important that you keep a relaxed air about you when it does happen though because as disappointed as you feel, he feels so much worse. I think for my DH, external things really affect him, like if he’s really tired, or stressed from work. On Saturday, he was actually a bit hungover, so I think that’s what did it! So I told him for next cycle he is not to drink that much in the FW! lol

I’ve thought about what to do to help to. Like buying lingere or watching porn or something before, but sometimes, there really is nothing you can do. 

Post # 3
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If he’s getting nervous or exhausted just thinking about it, cut him some slack.  Don’t tell him when you’re fertile, just try to initiate more, make it feel like “whatever comes naturally.”  

Post # 6
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

sj8082:  I think we O’d the same day, lol. I’m also hoping we hit good timing dispite the no-go on Saturday. At least you got in a Friday night! We just got in the Thursday and Sunday. But for our first TTC cycle, I’m pretty happy with our attempts!

FX for the both of us! It only takes once, right?!

Post # 8
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Country Club

sj8082:  I’m in the same boat… First month TTC and its been alot of pressure on us.. Alot of failed attempts which made me ‘fell like I was doing something wrong. We successfully BD on Tuesday and Thursday and I had a positive OP test thursday afternoon with the slight cramping on left side and we BD on thursday evening. 

We weren’t sucessfull on Friday and Saturday…Alot of pressure and distractions..

I’m really hoping that things work out for us this month…

Post # 9
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sj8082:  we had the same struggle last cycle, our first TTC cycle. We both want to TTC, and we BD’d successfully once (he even said right before “let’s make a baby!” Lol) but our other two attempts he just could not finish. It was mental block thing he said. So he requested this cycle that I just initiate and not mention FW or anything about timing. He’s had no problems this cycle so far- we’ve had sex twice (not FW yet) but he has no clue where I am in my cycle so I think it’s helping to keep him a bit more in the dark.

 

good luck!!! 

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You are definately not alone. This is our first cycle TTC and we BD Sunday and Tuesday but today when I got my positive OPK my husband could not finish. I think it is also a mental thing thinking about it but I just pretended it didnt bother me and left it at that. He said he wants to try again tonight but I said to him no pressure. Dont want him to feel like he let the team down and if its meant to happen this cycle it will. Good luck to you all, its such a rough road to travel 

Post # 11
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

sj8082:  Do you need a baby this month? Or are you flexible with your timeline? If I we’re you, I’d take a relaxed 12 month approach. BD when you feel like it, but don’t make it a chore. Odds are, it’ll happen. I would not chart, use OPKs, or test early. All that will do is add stress.

My DH and I have had this issue. It is hard psycholopsychologically for some guys. If you pressure, you will both end up miserable. If you take your time, you’ll both be much happier.

Post # 12
Member
5788 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

sj8082:  Tell your DH that on his next annual exam to have his testosterone levels checked. 

Post # 13
Member
8666 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not trying to get pregnant, but there was something I read many moons ago about turning sex into a chore (As in, “I’m fertile! We need to have sex right now.“) It becomes a job, and not something that’s fun. Unless you have other plans, I’d suggest trying to take the pressure off and just have a good time when you do. You can always try to spice it up so it’s not so mechanical.

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Post # 14
Member
3499 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I was glad to read this post.. just the other day I commented that this week coming up is my FW, and he said “I wish you wouldn’t of said anything, it’s better when I don’t know and just think you want sex a lot” lol I think he definitely feels pressured when it’s my FW, we haven’t really had many issues, but I know he doesn’t like knowing. So I’m going to try and keep quiet about it from now on.

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