Post # 1
This is our first month TTC and due to AF visiting, last night was our first night BD’ing…except we didn’t cross the finish line quite as expected! (I am trying to be subtle here, so excuse any overuse of metaphors!)
It was very much ‘business as usual’ until the end when FI became a little hesitant and he ended up finishing outside (okay, so I struggled to think of a more subtle way to say that but I haven’t got all day to type this, lol). I asked him afterwards if he was okay, which he said he was, and since we were both tired and ready to sleep I left it at that.
This morning I asked him again, because I was worried that he was worried (I saw this coming, tbh – no pun intended!) – and he admitted to being anxious. I reassured him that I felt the same! Btw, he wants kids more than I do so please don’t think I’ve bullied him into TTC or anything 🙂 It was a relaxed and open conversation that sort of ended in a “well, next time!” place.
I am just wondering if anyone else’s SO had a similar reaction to the very first BD, and also if anyone has any advice re: anything else I could say to him to help things along. TIA!
Post # 3
Yes, totally normal! I would just tell him, do what makes you comfortable. Leave it at that, and let the ball be in his court.
It’s no fun if you both aren’t enjoying yourselves….and don’t think of it as BD when you are in fact BD…do it all the time, even outside of your window.
Post # 4
@whybee: My DH didn’t react that way the first time we BD’d with the intent to actually make a baby, but I can certainly understand why he would feel that way. It can be a pretty intimidating thought!
Like PP said, it’s not good if you aren’t both enjoying yourself, so just relax and make sure HE feels special in the process too. It may be to make a baby, but it should be just as relaxed and fun as it usually is.
Post # 5
OP, I’m probably the last one to try and give advice, since SO and I are a long ways off from marriage and TTC. Heck, we’re also waiting til marriage to have sex, but I would be lying if I haven’t at least thought about TTC in the future. The way I see it, I will eventually be on BC and stay on it until we decide if/when we want to TTC (still a little on the fence, haha!) Even with BC, there will always be that little niggling worry of “What if it fails? These things are only 99% effective, so what if I just get unlucky?!” Once a couple decides to go off BC and TTC, I would see that as a huge weight off their shoulders to just go for it and enjoy physical intimacy in a way that they probably haven’t before.
I would tell your FI not to think too hard about it and to just enjoy this special, unique phase of your relationship. Once you do conceive, you’ll enter yet another new phase of the relationship, so just enjoy every minute of the present. Good luck, OP! 😀
Post # 6
@whybee: hey do you chart at all? The reason I ask is because I anticipate this being a problem with my DH as well. after so long trying to avoid I feel like its going to be a huge mental hurdle to get over not pulling out anymore. Soooo since I’m a charter my plan is to start by pulling the goalie so to speak when I’m post ovulation so I can reassure him that there is no egg and no way we can get knocked up. I feel like this will help him get used to the idea so that then we can transition into my fertile time. (Not that I will tell him specifically when it’s the fertile window but I will know. Too much pressure on him!)
Post # 7
I think this is very common!! I know my DH doesn’t like to be told “I’m ovulating tomorrow, so we have to BD tonight!” He prefers to leave things as spontaneous (well, what he thinks is spontaneous and is actually planned by me!). I wouldn’t say anything to him. Just go about your normal sex patterns for the next couple of weeks and let him get use to the idea of having unprotected sex and TTC. And have fun! 🙂
Post # 8
Thank you ladies for your responses 🙂
@BellaDee: Exactly what I needed to hear! Don’t worry, we make sure we both always have fun 😉 and that won’t be changing.
@GooteyBootey: It definitely is an intimidating thought – but we agreed when we decided to TTC that we’d keep it as normal as possible so we didn’t feel like anything weird was going on to put pressure on us.
@SilvanArrow: I appreciate comments from anyone! So don’t feel like you’re not ‘qualified’ to share your thoughts 🙂 When we first got together he couldn’t even bring himself to trust the pill, but eventually saw the benefit in not worrying so much, so I’m sure he’ll be fine with this too.
@SeaTurtle88: It occurred to me early this morning that we should have done exactly that – have a ‘dummy’ period of TTC before the real thing. I don’t chart but I do keep track of things (loosely) via an app on my phone (lame, I know) so I did say to him that right now there’s not really any chance of anything happening. Because we’ve agreed to try and take a no-pressure approach I’m not going to tell him (and he’s said he doesn’t want to know) when my FW is, so we’re just gonna BD normally and see what happens come POAS time!
@CityBearBride: Having said the above, I’m a bit like you insofar as while it all looks like ‘business as usual’ since I know what’s going on cycle-wise and he doesn’t. But I’m sure he won’t mind a little extra spontaneity come FW, lol!
Here’s hoping he feels a bit better about it next time!
Post # 9
One of my friend’s husbands kept trying to have sex around her ovulation window. He WANTED a second kid, but he couldn’t make himself “get there” if he knew she was fertile!
They still got KU on the third month of unprotected sex!