Post # 1
It’s no secret I didn’t want a big wedding and compromised so that my fiancé could invite family and his 90 year old grand dad. I’m in my thirties and very independent, very private, and not really an extrovert, so the idea of being the center of attention for almost 8 months now with 3 to go has not been my idea of fun…. I assumed people close to me understood this and felt some sanctuary in being able to kvetch about my sheer annoyance of the wedding process …. I have not been a blushing bride.
However “my lack of excitement” seems to rub others the wrong way. Only my fiancé and my Maid/Matron of Honor seem to allow me to just be uncomfortable and not excited…I’ve asked myself if my lack is an indicator of an issue and I’ve realized it isn’t I am excited to be married…. And to wake up next to my honey and to cook him dinner and spend time with him and come home to him, and go places together….spending over 10K and playing gatekeeper to a huge production that seems to get less and less about marriage and more and more about everyone else’s personal feelings I’m not so revved up over….
One of my BM was telling me how she told an old co-worker I was getting married, and I told her oh wow I hadn’t told anyone on the old job didn’t want it to really get out and phone calls to start… oh well…. I just got a sarcastic text back saying oh wow didn’t know it was a secret thought a wedding was a good thing to be shared by all…. I tactfully told her a “marriage” is a good thing but I chose not to share that info with ex- coworkers because I wanted to avoid calls and hurt feelings or anyone being offended because some people at that job are invited, and some people are not but I still consider the relationships close… I’m more comfortable mentioning at a later date if I run into them that I got married and it was a small family ceremony to avoid any hurt…
Too me that was reasonable….what I don’t get is why this stupid wedding keeps making close people wedding crazed brain dead zombies! Should I really have to get a snarky comment because I don’t want my getting married screamed from the roof tops? Really? Do I really have to keep enduring disappointed glares because I’m not gaga with excitement instead of looking at it as just an event I agreed to host…it’s the marriage that’s important not the wedding! DUH!……I digress…..
Post # 3
You’re not alone in this boat. Fiance and I are both fairly introverted and don’t enjoy being the centre of attention. We originally wanted to elope, yet our parents seemed to get very upset by the idea. We compromised and we’re having a fairly small wedding.
I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been aspects I’ve really enjoyed. I loved buying my dress, doing the food tasting, and suprsingly doing an engagement photoshoot. Yet the social aspects seem to really bug me. The engagement and bridal shower have been stressful and awkward (I feel guilty for being showered with gifts).
I constantly get told by my mom, sister and Future Mother-In-Law that the wedding is all about what I want, yet no one can understand that I want an intimate wedding where Fiance and I will manage to have some time to bask and glow in our bond; rather than attending to acquaitances. A lot of the ladies at my job are constantly ooo-ing and ahh-ing and asking questions regarding the wedding. It almost feels like it’s supposed to be the centre of gravity of my life at the moment, but I’d rather just live normally.
Post # 4
I didn’t scream about my engagement and impending marriage from the rooftops either. I actually managed to keep the cat in the specified bag (meaning that I told people but only certain people) until about two weeks before my wedding day when my now Darling Husband had his bachelor party and all of the guys in attendance except the best man who planned the party were not invited. One of the guys was engaged to a friend of mine and I was like OH well cat’s out of the bag now once he gets home.
I’m not an introvert, but I really didn’t feel like yelling it from the rooftops. Maybe it was because I realized that nobody would really care and everybody would assume they were invited. My wedding was tiny, barely over 10 people, and I didn’t want snarky obnoxious comments from people because they weren’t invited .. that sorta thing.
It is entirely your prerogative to feel however you want about your wedding/marriage, as long as it’s not dread or fear 😛
Post # 5
I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say that perhaps you reacted a little overly sensitive to your friends’ text. Without knowing either of you, it sounds as if she was just sharing news of your wedding with people you know in common, not necessarily realizing it would bother you. Even if she knows you’re not at all for being the center of attention, and that you’re trying to keep your wedding small, she might not have thought you’d be upset about her mentioning this news. Shoot, lots of people I know knew I was getting married; didn’t mean I invited them all!
Anyway, I just wanted to say it’s probably a small misunderstanding, and stress (on both ends) can amplify it.
As far as any disappointing glares… just ignore them, people will get over it. Granted they shouldn’t care in the first place but weddings bring about weird reactions from people.
Post # 7
Your Maid/Matron of Honor was incredibly rude to talk about your wedding with people who weren’t going to be invited.
I had an incredibly small wedding. We only invited our parents. Why is it that it’s your wedding, and supposed to be about what you want, but everyone has to butt in with what they want?
Post # 8
Wedding really bring out the worst in folks. Is it supposed to be about you? Yeah right, it some how ends up being about eveyone else and them projecting their feelings on “your” day. It’s pure madness.
Post # 9
I can relate! That’s why we eloped!
Post # 10
@ambereyez: Girl, I hear you. I get it that some folks want to celebrate it and congratulate you, but that also means opening yourself up for criticism and snarky comments. Everyone seems to have a judgmental opinion about it, and it is freaking EXHAUSTING dealing with all that. I’m a very private person too, and feel awkward about being in the spotlight, and also hearing criticisms about how come we didn’t have X,Y,Z at the wedding. Sigh.
Post # 11
Thanks bees i’m always glad to have a place to just vent … I’m so ready for this to be over with and married already!
@bklynbridetobe: U hit the nail on the head people projecting what they want or how they feel and not respecting that its ok to let me have my process….i hate being uncomfortable!
@MrsTahoe: It didn’t upset me when she told me… i laughed it off and told her I didn’t tell anyone at the old job and followed it with oh well no biggie…I think she wanted me to react diffrently and when i didn’t she responded to me a little sarcastically…so i proceeded to explain further hoping it would make her understand but i do agree it was taken the wrong way prob on both ends…I’m just so tierd of having to have this scripted made for TV response to things that i don’t have
Post # 12
@mspartridge: Exactly took the words out my mouth!! i have only 2 months left all my planning is done and i STILL have random relatives and inlaws weighing in on things that have been decided and completed for months !!!