Post # 1
With yourself and us ;D…
Do you see things about your intended that you’d like to “change”?
I’m sad to say that I have quite a few guy friends getting married this year; and ALL of their girlfriends seem to be bound and determined to change their behaviors and personalities. For instance, a friend of mine (let’s call him Chad) and I were at a bar watching a football game. I was with my fiance, he was with his, we’re all sitting about having a good time. He gets a little rowdy, as is his usual behavior…Nothing ridiculous; just a little excitement. He wasn’t causing fights or being overtly obnoxious. Just maybe a little louder than normal and doing a bit of good natured trash talking.
His fiance begins to get upset, and takes him aside to talk to him. He gets noticeably more quiet; I ask him what’s wrong and he shrugs and says that he’s “in trouble”, and that Katie wants him to calm down. She basically smothered his boisterous personality like a wet blanket. That’s just Chad, just who he is. I could understand if he was causing a scene or getting in trouble, but he wasn’t. This stuff seems to happen all the time.
My question is….why be with someone, and marry someone if you just want to change the personality you supposedly fell in love with? I just don’t get it.
Post # 3
If you ever figure this out, please let us know!
Post # 4
i’ve noticed that sometimes the very qualities that attracted you to that person tend to annoy you later.
With that said, I accept it. I don’t think I can change him.
My FI, likes to talk loudly and be the center of attention. Well, it’s what made me notice him, for sure. I am more the quiet type so his loudness sometimes embarrasses me but I know I can’t change it. So, I’ve tried to change my attitude about it. We’ve also had talks about it and he understand that I don’t enjoy being the center of attention, so he’s more conscience about it when I’m around. He’s still loud and having fun, though. And, you’re right, we can’t expect them to change.
Post # 5
I’m with Charm, people change and develop during relationships and things that start off as being adorable can end up being irritating.
I love FH, sure he has his faults but I still love him all the same. We both know what annoys the other person and we try to be considerate when we’re with each other. FH loves to tell awful jokes. And with his family they get about 10x worse. But he knows that I can only take so much joking so he tries to be more aware and considerate when I’m around. The moment I step out of the room though, I hear the laughing 🙂 It makes me laugh just knowing he keeps it all in until I walk out to get a drink.
Post # 6
What’s the point of the relationship if everything is perfect? What could I learn from being with someone who does everything the way I want them to? I think that marriages work best when two people put their differences to good use, and grow from them, rather than picking on them as faults. I know what it feels like to be afraid of expressing myself in a relationship, and it sucks! I’d hate to do that to my SO.
Conflicts and differences should teach me how to understand and manage the differences, not smother them. That’s the beauty of lifelong relationships like marriages and family. I become a better person when I learn to live happily with people who are very different from me.
Post # 7
No…and honestly i really upsets me that vibrant, fun young men are getting together with girls that are fine with their behavior until they have a ring on their finger…but then turn around and expect them to alter their ways because they suddenly feel they have the right to regulate their behavior.
I hate it!
I am by no means a perfect girl. But what I do understand is that my fiance gets excited by things that happen in life, even if they happen to be silly things (at least to me, definitely not to him!) like football or cutting someone’s head off with a chain saw in an xbox game. I don’t want to squash that in him…just as I would be horrified if he tried to stifle my passion for the gym or my excitement over a new kitchen gadget.
Post # 8
No, he’s adorable to me lol!!! We’re past the honeymoon stage and I actually feel that if I change anything about him he wouldn’t be him. Now, do I wish he’d clean the hair up after he shaves YES, but is it a deal breaker, absolutely not lol! I’m sure he wishes I’d do the dishes immediately after dinner and fold loads of clothes as soon as they came from the dryer.
Post # 9
I have a lot of male friends and I see that all the time. Its honestly a little sad to me and I feel really bad for them. My FI’s friends are always telling him how lucky he is that I am not like that. I mean who am I or anyone else to change a person. It just seems mean and rude. If you dont love them for who THEY are not who you WANT them to be, how are they truly going to be happy. I dont want a submissive guy anyway, I want someone who is proud of who he is and stands up for himself.
Post # 10
I love my SO so much but I will admit I would like it if he would shave on a daily basis- not changing his personality or anything that drastic…
I wouldn’t want to change his personality because then he wouldn’t be who he is and changing one little personality thing could change his attitude towards me and various other parts of his personality. I might get frustrated sometimes but I know I love him as he is.
Post # 11
@Cre-I was just thinking about that! lol. FI shaved before he went to work today. Gross! = )
Are there things I wish he would do differently? Sure! Are they things I am going to change? NO! Because then he wouldn’t be the same person I fell in love with.
Post # 12
@HB: his daughter totally told him today DADDY clean this mess up
Post # 13
Haha I agree with crebre! I can’t harp on my husband for not cleaning everything up when sometimes clothes sit in the basket for a week or two before I put them away. Oops.
Post # 14
This wasn’t an issue when we met, but after I lost a large amount of weight, I began working on changing his cooking habits. He’s very southern, and to him it isn’t good unless it’s smothered in cheese and deep fried. I need to have a lot more vegetables (that aren’t fried) in my daily diet to keep from ballooning back to my previous weight. He’s been getting better, but really, it just comes down to me doing a lot more of the cooking. We’ve had several fights over it, but at the end of the day, this is not something I’m backing down on – especially since he just got his medical test back and his cholesterol is sky-high. On the other hand, he’s trying to make me neater – but since that doesn’t have medical backing I think he’s going to lose that one 🙂