Beast of a MIL….it's long…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KristenLiz11:  That sounds awful!  I do think you should be open with your fiance about all of this, because you might need to make health care decisions for her as she gets older and her behavior now might be an important component.  It might also make you feel better if you know he’s on your side 100%

Post # 5
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

my aunt (father’s sister) has bipolar disorder along with a few mother mental health issues and i actually DON’T think you should keep quiet.

my mum handles it really well – if my aunt says something that’s clearly not true ‘x has been breaking into my apartment’ my mum will say, ‘now, why do you say that?’ let my aunt explain…and then says, ‘that seems unlikely since you have a doorman, security system and nothing is missing from your home.’ then my aunt realises that her story isn’t going to result in the attention she’s seeking and we move on. 

so when she says ‘i’m a medical experiment’ you could ask her why she says that and she’d reply ‘the doctors have me on unresearched medicines to see what happens’ you could reply ‘that seems unlikely since the hospital is very well respected and they only administer drugs approved in our country – i’m sure they have your best interests at heart even if you don’t fully understand the medications you’re on’. 

 

once you learn to just acknowledge what’s been said, politely explain why it’s extremely unlikely to be true, hopefully she’ll realise that she should keep quiet rather than make these outlandish claims. 

Post # 6
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you need to have a gentle conversation with FI and get this all on the table.  HE may not know what to do with all of this and may be keeping it inside because of how she treats you.

You NEED to talk to him and SHE needs help.  Sometimes we have to get help for people who will fight it tooth and nail.  Something isn’t right with her and it needs to be brought to her doctor’s attention.  Especially if this isn’t how she has always acted.

Big kudos to your FI for having your back, but it is time to tackle this as a couple.  You need to make him understand that she NEEDS help.

Post # 7
mswallabyBee
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@KristenLiz11:  Oh my word. That is crazy. I don’t have any advice, but I feel for you, and I’m sending you big big hugs. Have you talked to your FI about your suspicion that she might have a mental illness? I know that will be a really tough conversation, and you’ll have to be very tactful about how you approach the subject, but you should definitely bring it up with him. Marriage is all about communication, and you can’t keep this bottled up inside you your whole life. My advice is to only bring up the *big* things when you broach the conversation with your FI – like her pretending she’s dying. He might be irritated if you complain about hte small things, but some of those issues are a really big deal and he’ll want to help his mom too.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KristenLiz11:  I think this is something you should be working to be on the same side as your fiance right from the outset.  There will be big decisions in the future, and you need to make them as a team.  It will be a hard discussion, because you have more perspective but it is very emotionally charged for him, but necessary.

Post # 10
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KristenLiz11:  Totally a side issue, but I strongly recommend you make NO promises to her about not putting her in a ‘home’.  None of us knows what the future will bring and at some point you may indeed have to have her in a facility for her own saftey and health. My mom has advanced Alzheimer’s and had to go into a Memory Care Unit a year ago. When her own father was in a nursing home many years ago, I would say to her,”I can promise I will always be your strongest advocate and will do everything I can to make sure you are cared for, loved, and safe.” So many people make these promises and then are racked with guilt when they cannot keep them. And honestly? It sounds like your MIL *will* need advanced care at some point! Best to you, I hope you and your FI are able to have a united front.

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