Post # 1
For starters my dh and i havent been married for long but we lived together about a year before be finally got married. I never hid from my dh the fact that i really want kids….when we met he didnt tell me that he was a father already and the child’s mother lived with him though they werent together.
It was after i had moved in and opened the door that had a padlock on it that i found i he had a daughter because the room was filled with pink! anways hard feelings about him keeping secrets like that are over with and forgiven. The ex moved out and took his daughter with him, we’re not 100% sure that she’s his daughter or not and he is stalling on taking a dna test….we’ve seen her a handful of times within the past 2 years…she’ll be three in nov.
Im scared that situation has kinda burned him on having kids….we’ve talked about having kids before but its a few second discussion and it depletes. how do i get his true feelings to come out in the open? we’ve only been married since feb. and we’ve talked about fixing our house up but he stalls on buying the things to fix it. like we’ve planned for the past 2 weekends to buying stuff and he never does….yet he buys stuff for his car to cost a ton! is he stalling fixing the house since he knows the next step is having a baby?
Kinda nervous asking him because we dont really communicate well when its about serious stuff since we’re both kinda hotheaded but i really want to ask him if his past is deterring us having a baby…..should i or will it make things worse for us. Should i tell him im reading to have a baby or wait until he brings it up with me even though it might be years away. shoot how do i know if he’s nervous to ask me!? i dont want to step on any toes lol
Post # 3
This sounds like a really bad situation. You shouldn’t be nervous about asking your husband something. The fact that he has hidden major things from you (MAJOR things) makes me a little concerned about him. Do you have a support system (family, friends)? I think you should seek counseling alone first and then with him.
Post # 4
@fiftyshadesofbride: Start fixing up the house yourself. If I waited for my DH to do things only a fraction of them would ever get done.
Having kids should have been something you guys hashed out before marriage, but that’s not really an option now. Just ask him. He’s your husband, it shouldn’t be scary to ask him for his feelings and timeline on the issue.
Post # 5
@kgirl91: well the keeping things from me was hashed out already so i think we’re good with that…its just part of the whole situation. I just dont want him to feel cornered on this. We dont really believe in counseling lol
Post # 6
I won’t even comment on him hiding his child from you.
I will say that if you guys can’t sit down and have an open, honest, mature conversation about children and other serious topics, then you’re not ready for kids yet. Deciding on when to start having kids is only the tip of the iceberg of many serious conversations you’ll need to have.
Post # 7
You both definitely need counseling. The fact that he hid such HUGE parts of his life from you, that he has a manipulative ex (by stalling on a paternity test), that you’re hesitant to have a conversation with him about starting a family, all of it. This is very messy and you both need help sorting it all out with a neutral third party. Even if you ask him about having children and he gives you an answer, it sounds like he may not have things sorted in his mind. You’ll definitely want to make sure that his answer on starting a family is indeed what he truly wants with you.
Post # 8
@MrsWBS: oh no doubt that im ready to talk about it and i try to its just as soon as he hears the words having a baby or his other child’s name…like if i ask how’s she’s doing or something like that then he shuts down. I thought maybe having a baby would help him getting over not seeing his other one….we’re not even sure if she’s really his.
should i push him into having a dna test done!?