Becoming a new parishioner and asking to be married elsewhere

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 2
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

That’s odd.  I mean I could see if you bought a house in another area.  My brother did all his pre wedding/wedding things at our childhood parish, and he brought in a priest from another parish to marry him… .with no problems.  I would just tell the priest your situation and what’s going on, he probably will be fine with what your doing.  The new priest may be just following the rules to the letter.   I wouldn’t really worry about it. 

ETA: I wouldn’t wait I would make an appointment with the priest at the parish you are not a member of and just attend mass at and tell him what is going on. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 3
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Catholic Church Ceremony & Restaurant/Bed & Breakfast Reception

I think it’s more the protocol of the diocese- much like keeping up with all the other sacramental paperwork (baptism, confirmation, etc.) it’s similar with marriage. It’s usually not a big deal to get the paperwork. Definitely make an appt with the priest and don’t stress! 

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

that’s odd that you have to get permission to get married in the church you grew up attending. but i’m sure if you explain the situation to the priest at your current church, he’ll understand.

we had a similar situation.

i was baptized in “church a,” grew up attending (and received my 1st communion and confirmation) in “church b,” and got married in “church c” (which i began attending as an adult). my husband had attended church b also until he joined the military and moved away.

we were told that if we wanted to get married in church c, my mom (since i lived at home) would have to register us with their parish (no problem there) and we would need to get a letter of permission from church b. and i was not looking forward to dealing with that parish again. my friend had to get permission to baptize her son in a different church and they were not very cooperative. so yeah, that idea stressed me out.

BUT when we mentioned that my sacraments were split up between 2 churches and that we didn’t even technically live in church b’s “territory,” they said a letter of permission wasn’t necessary.

Post # 5
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

MarieeToBee:  We did something similar – we are getting married in my hometown church, but we live across the country so we needed a local church to do our marriage prep. I just called and told them a) I needed a church in my area that would do my marriage prep and b) I would then register at that church. We live in an area with a lot of churches so I figured I could be forthright.  They were totally cool with it. However, I would advise you to make your appointment immediately – they didn’t have an open slot for six weeks.

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

MarieeToBee:  no, it may not necessarily come to that. if you’re a registered parishioner at another church, i wouldn’t think they’d make you get perimission, but you never know. i have no first hand experience with that. every parish/diocese is different- some are very strict and some are very laid back.

Post # 10
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

MarieeToBee:  I had to do the same thing. Getting permission was a breeze though. Its just a letter. Hopefully it wouldn’t be a problem. 

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would see if you could talk to the priest at the parish you attend before registering.  You can try after Mass or in the confessional.  I’m not saying to abuse the confessional, but you can bring such things up after you list your sins.  Just add something like “I’m confused about what is being required of me to get married in the Catholic Church.”  And then seek the spiritual direction before registering.  That could clear up some confusion, I think.

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

twoangels:  It’s not really fair to corner a priest during normal confession hours, as there may be other people in line who need to confess their sins. It would be fine to make an appointment with a priest to talk about the wedding AND have him hear a confession at the same time. This is all fairly routine, and priests are used to writing these letters, so the OP may not even have to go in person.  

Post # 13
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

HBanan: I was not advocating she “corner the priest” during confession time.  I was advising her to go to confession and bring this brief question up to verify that registering at this parish is the right step to be taking.  It is a brief question, very near the lines of spiritual direction and completely not inappropriate for the confessional.

Some parishes are very smooth and easy about how they handle permissions.  Other parishes are very rigid, and not all priests know what their doing.  Our wedding did get post poned by months because my priest pretty much refused to help us out and kept insisting we had to do things in a manner that actually was not correct.  He would not let us set a date because of this.  And since I was registered there, when I tried to set up appointments with other priests in the area to get help, the secretaries absolutely refused to set up appointments for me because I wasn’t a parishioner.

Eventually I did bring the issue up to a priest of another parish in a confessional and was told to contact the dean of the deanery.  But this came after I left a voicemail for someone at the diocese because I didn’t know who else to talk to. 

The dean did talk to the priest and eventually he was removed and we got another priest.  In the meantime, I did move to another city during the last part of our engagement.  We thought we would need permission, but when I mentioned we were getting married at my former parish, the parish my parents’ also belonged to, we were told we did not need this permission.

I would not register at another parish to jump through red tape before verifying with another priest that the red tape needs to be jumped through.  It may create more complications. 

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