Becoming a step mom to a 17 year old!

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Try to be patient, if he’s moving in with you guys, that might mean something wasn’t going well with his previous living situation.  He might be withdrawn and moody.  If that’s not true, than just try to get to know each other and have fun.  Give each other space, but set limits.  Make sure your SO makes it clear that you are to be respected.  Be careful about being too strict or whatever at first, the last thing you want to hear is “You’re not my mom!”

Best of luck! I hope it is a great experience for all of you!

Post # 4
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Schatzie821:  +1

 

@calicow2:  My only advice is to remember that he’s 17 and already has his parental figures established. While you are an authority, you aren’t the primary authority so don’t let it hurt your feelings if he doesn’t treat you like it. Also, he’s 17, both a child and a young adult. You’ve got to trust him enough to let him cut his own path. Try to be his friend. I have two stepmoms that I adore. I kept in contact with them even when they didn’t play a huge role in my life anymore. They are my very best friends, besides my sister, I have never been able to be so open with others. One stepmom recently passed away and it killed me. I could confide in them things that I couldn’t ever tell my mom…and I love my mom and consider myself really close with her.

There’s something really amazing and secret about having a stepmom that you can be friends with. But, don’t be fake nice either, because kids are the best at sniffing out bs! LOL! Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PP. Be friendly, and patient! Treat him like a normal boy, and understand he will probably have mood swings on how he feels about you and his dad. He will probably start to rebel just a little to see where you draw your lines. I would let him know that you are well aware that he does not need another mother, you just ask for respect. And that you care for him, and hope he knows he can come talk to you if he ever needs anything. Boys that age tend to not be huge talkers lol but they can still drive you crazy with their habits and mood swings. 

 

Good luck! you’ll be great! 

Post # 6
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

When I married my DH, I became instant stepmother to four children, two of whom are adults, and two of whom were 11 and 13 at the time I married their dad. They are now 16 and almost 18. I had a lot to learn, and

@boogiewoogies:  

has given you some excellent advice. It’s very challenging to be an authority figure in their lives. I am their stepmother, and I am the “mother figure” at our house, but I am not, nor can I ever be, their mother. Sometimes I feel very left out and unnecessary in their lives, because they already have two very active, loving parents who are co-parenting them the way they both want to raise them. If it were up to me, I would sometimes do some things differently, but I do not really have a say in how they are being raised. I don’t get to set the rules or the policies. It’s difficult to have little or no control over things in their lives and in our home, because it is their dad who gets to set those rules, not me. Mother’s Day very rightly belongs to their mother, and I will never be with them on that day, nor would I ever want to take anything away from their wonderful relationship with their mother, whom I like very much.

It hasn’t been easy. However, I love them, and I want to be an important part of their lives, since they have become an important part of mine.

Post # 7
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You cant discipline him, you are not his mother and he wont listen to you. Your SO has to do that. Try to put your best foot forward, be patient, dont judge and just be a support.

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