- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
So quick back story. My FI was married very young and had 3 children with his first wife. They are now ages 6, 4, and 3. She cheated on him, they divorced, and now we share custody with her and her new husband. The kicker is that my FI had a vasectomy after his last child was born bc his ex had complicated pregnancies and ‘would die’ if she were to get pregnant again. Well, she’s pregnant again, but that’s an entirely other story.
It took me a LONG time to come to grips with the idea that I may never have my own children. We have of course discussed our options, but most of them are extremely expensive. Between the insane child support payments, rent, and paying for a wedding, the money just isn’t there right now. I’ll be thirty next month and can’t imagine waiting much longer if I were to have my own.
I love my future step kids. They call me ‘mommy-Chris’. When they are with me, they are my kids and I am their mother. It’s a lot of work becoming an instant mother of three young children, with no time to prepare (I guess you are never really prepared but at least you can learn as they grow). They are so excited for us to get married. It’s so cute they say ‘when WE get married’ like its all of us that are getting married. In a way it is.
I do not get along with his ex and my FI and I have VERY different ideas on how to raise and take care of our children than her and her husband. It’s not an easy situation and I worry that it will only get worse as they get older and more aware of what’s going on. I hate knowing that that awful woman who takes terrible care of my kids gets to be their ‘real’ mom and I’m just a step mom. I feel like no matter what I will always be second, I may never know the true love of a child for their mother. I know they love me with all of their precious little hearts, but i feel like its not the same thing. I don’t know how much of this is in my head and how much is really the way it is. I just can’t let go of the idea that I will always be less than her. It kills me. I could go on and on here, but you get the idea.
Any other bees becoming step mothers? Or are step mothers? Do you have any advice or words that might be able to set my mind (kind of) at ease? I’d love to hear others experiences in step motherhood – whether they are similar to mine or not. Thanks bees!