- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
For as many times as my Wedding Vision has changed, the only thing I have been sure on is that I want a small and intimate wedding. I do not do well in large crowds of people. My immediate family is close to 20 people, and sometimes even with them I get overwhelmed and fade to the back. I do NOT want to be overwhelmed and stressed and panicked on my wedding day when facing a large group of people!
Originally when we talked, my FI was fine with doing a destination, or getting married at the courthouse, and having a backyard reception. Over the course of planning, he has completely changed his mind. His family is super excited because he is the first to get married (mine is still obviously excited, but I am the last so they are a lot more easy going and think we should do whatever we want). My mom wasn’t even planning on inviting on all of her siblings, but suddenly we have to invite his grandma’s sisters! It is turning into the exact opposite of the only thing I have wanted for my big day.
My parents are gifting us with a portion of the budget, and his parents have talked about contributing “some” (no word yet on how much). My FI is paying off debt, and I make substantially more money than he does, so all of the remaining portion (which will be the majority of the budget) is coming from me.
I also feel bad admitting that I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I will be paying money to invite people who I do not want there anyway. There is nothing wrong with this people, but everytime he adds to the guest list I think about how many minutes it will take away from me spending time with the people I would like to spend time with, or how much added anxiety it is for me. Our ceremony is at 7 PM, and our reception will probably run from 8 PM- 1 AM.
The ceremony site I am in LOVE with holds up to 100. The reception site we like holds up to 300. If we just stick with the 100 people guest list we have agreed upon after much discussion, we are afraid the reception site will look empty (mostly his fear, as my big fear is large crowds of people!). I think we are both willing to compromise, and have a small ceremony with a large reception immediately following. Our families (extended included) would be invited to the ceremony, which totals about 75 people (this is one of his sticking points). Then anyone he wants will be invited to the reception. My fear is that people will get angry for not being invited to the ceremony. He is rather blunt so I know he would explain to his friends and they are easy going so they would understand, and I think my friends know about my fear so they would probably understand too. I just thought it was very taboo not to invite everyone to both.
So Bees, if you are still reading this, I need to know: Should I suck it up, find a bigger ceremony space, and invite 150-300 guests to both the ceremony and reception? Should I put my foot down, find a smaller reception space and limit it to 100 at both? Or is compromise okay in this situation, and keep my small intimate ceremony with his rockin party afterwards?
Also, have any married Bees out there wanted a smaller ceremony, or been afraid of crowds, and had a big wedding? How did it turn out for you? Were you miserable the whole time, or were you just so happy it didnt matter?
When it comes down to it, I just want to be married to him. If I have to smile and greet hundreds of people that I dont know (and pay for their meals) to do so, I will. I am just hoping there is some other alternative!