bee gone undercover. Engaged, with no date in site. What do I do?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Are you kidding?  Where is your self esteem?  The response to “What difference does it make” is a firm “It makes a great deal of difference!”  Getting married is important to you.  After 1 year of being engaged you are hurt and upset that there are no wedding plans on the calendar and you are most definitely no waiting 10 years!

 

Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Well If in his eyes there IS no difference if you are married now or not, then it should not be a big deal for him to marry you NOW then if that’s what would make you happy! If it makes no difference to him,then he should want YOU to pick the date and go forward because that would make you happy. Getting defensive is ridiculous on his end and makes me wonder what HE is up to!? It seems to me that he is afraid of getting married again. Just my two cents though. 

Post # 4
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

turn the question back on him and ask what difference it makes to him.  an engagement is a commitment.  isn’t he committed to this relationship.  why would he not want to get married to you?

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Exactly! Giving you the ring is only part of making the commitment! There’s no actual commitment if there’s no follow through. He basically just gave you and expensive, sparkly gift. 

Post # 7
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Based on what you wrote, it sounds like he doesn’t want to get married again. I feel he wants to be with you, but maybe not go through the wedding process. 

And you have every right to know when your wedding date is…that’s something people figure out soon after the engagement, and yes it may take some time to set a date, but at least it’s something that’s up for discussion.

I would ask him why he’s being so defensive.

Post # 8
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t understand being engaged without setting a wedding date. If he’s not planning to get married, what’s he doing? You are NOT rushing anything, up to anything, or anything else he’s suggesting. 

I find his response to you very unkind. I guess I would just have an honest conversation with him. Tell him that being married is important to you, and being engaged isn’t just another relationship level; it’s a time when you’ve announced your intention to marry to the world and are actively planning your wedding. If he tries to tell you you’re rushing things, or if he still will not agree to a wedding date, I would have some serious questions about the relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m in for a long engagement. However, that’s because we currently don’t live in the same city, and we want to wait until I’m done with hrafuate school.

This is a very different situation. I believe that engagements can be for however long the couple wants as long as they’re both on board.

It sounds like he’s avoiding the commitment.

Post # 10
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would just turn it back to him “What difference does it make? If you don’t see any difference in getting married now or in 10 years then lets do it now!” Honestly, I’ve never understood the idea of getting married and not making planns for the wedding. Tell him that you just want to get it done so it’s not hanging over you as something that needs to get done. Then ask him what he wants to do for the wedding and start making plans.

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

So in four years??!!

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Oh he is reaching. Why that day? I am so annoyed for you! 

Post # 14
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sloverbee2727:  Nope. I would be telling his ass October 24th is as good as it’s going to get for you bud. That’s next year. On a Saturday. I’ll go ahead and start planning now. Lol. 

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