(Closed) bee in hiding- please help

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am so sorry 🙁 I don’t think you need to get over the memories at all, it is important to remember the good times that you had with X. He was one of your best friends, it’s ok to feel sad, especially around your SO, he is your true love, he is there to support you 🙂 *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You said the most important thing – you love your SO and have no intentions of ever leaving him. You can’t control your dreams, and as long as you don’t intend on acting on them then let it go. Think of it as a nice walk down memory lane with someone that you still love, although in a different way than SO. As for still regretting the past – you just have to forgive yourself and look at it as you learned a lot. If you hadn’t made those choices you never would be with current SO. Moreover, X is gone, so these regrets do absolutely nothing for your health and happiness. 

So take it easy on yourself, hold onto your sweet memories, and focus on your happy future with SO.

Post # 5
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your dreams may be just due to the fact that you have repressed how you are feeling about the loss of someone who was very important to you. It doesn’t mean you love your SO any less. It might be best just to find someone, it doesn’t have to be your SO, maybe a friend or relative to talk about how you are feeling and your dreams. And if you can’t talk to them maybe try to talk to a doctor or counselor.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I am so sorry. I don’t think there is anything wrong with how you are feeling. You need to grieve and mourn and maybe even talk to your SO about the situation. It doesn’t mean you love him any less. Get strength and support from each other.

You may also want to look into some grief counselling for yourself. Having someone stand at the sideline looking in can be a great help.

Post # 7
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just because you have thoughts of a wonderful friend doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel this way. You have some lingering feelings. Have you tried writing a letter that would be for X even though he isn’t here. If you can go back to your spot and read it there. If you need to have a good cry that’s ok too. If your soon to be fi is this amazing you should also talk to him about it. He may be that shoulder you need to lean on.

Post # 8
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Dreams can be so intense, but they aren’t necessarily accurate! You don’t have to treat the dream as a window into what your life could have been… treat it as an instance of your mind wandering and dealing with emotions you have. Dreams aren’t perfect messages.

I’ve woken up from dreams before feeling totally, totally in love with someone who I can’t even stand in real life! The feeling usually sticks around a little while, and then fades away and everything goes back to normal.

I think it’s okay to be sad for X. And to even miss some sweet things about him. But if you truly love your SO, then these dream feelings will fade away in a little while and you can just remember the wonderful friendship you had, and the wonderful marriage you’re about to start with someone else. And that’s okay!

Post # 9
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

These memories that are unique to X are the ones that make him different in your heart. People come and go from each of our lives and impact us in different ways. The fact that he is gone may heighten these good feelings and memories for you, especially after dreaming about him.

It sounds like you love your SO just as much, and with some time you will feel better but for now just be happy that you have those memories and good talks that make him unique to your life.

I hope you feel better soon, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I am so sorry for your loss and for everything that you are going through. I understand what you mean with him being your friend and feeling extremely close to him…the way I see it though is, if you and X would’ve dated I’m sure the talks would’ve decreased and you would’ve had the ups and downs of every couple. I would actually talk to your SO about this. I’m sure that he is a great man and would completely understand the way you are feeling. No matter what has happened in the past…it is the past. It should be left there. I’m not saying that you should forget all the great times that you had with X; you should cherish those memories forever. But you should be open with your SO. He doesn’t know about your past with X at all? You can’t hold these feelings in forever. It will eat away at you. Good luck, I hope things get better. And again…I’m so sorry.

Post # 11
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Right here, right now, you are right where you need to be. The memories of him is all you have right now to CHERISH, which is definitely a Gift. When I am fortunate to have dreams like that of a loved one, I like to think of it as our loved ones communicating with us. It hurts, but IMO I would rather feel the pain and love I had for a loved one than feel nothing at all. Share your feelings with your SO, I am sure he will understand. Sorry for being so mushy, but your story is really heartfelt! Much LOVE from a WB! 

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