Post # 1
Bees I need some advice. This is so absurd I’m not even sure where to post it to, so I chose the lounge section. SO and I have been together just shy of 2 years. We’ve been talking about getting engaged since January and I finally moved into his place mid-July. Things between us are great and a few weeks ago we went to te jewelers who had the design we liked and started to get our custom ring made.
Naturally, I was really excited but 2l my close girlfriends were overseas and another busy planning her own engagement party, so I texted my best guy friend (we’ll call him Ken) with the news. His response was quite rude. He’s reply was “so he told you about it?” I explained that I went with SO and Ken’s response was “well that’s dumb! Nice spontaneity.” He told me we were going about it the wrong way, that the girl shouldn’t have any input into the ring or even know an engagement is on the cards. I asked “so you’re not going to discuswife tying engaged with Barbie (his gf) or what kind if rings she likes?” Ken’s reply “she doesn’t need to know. Plus I know we well enough to know what she’d like. I guess he (meaning my SO) doesnt.” I simply replied with “SO knew I’d like a say in the ring in going to wear for the rest of my life. Some girls like to be included. The proposal is still going to be a surprise!” Needless to say, I was upset and left the conversation on the ring at that, even though Ken brought it up a few more times, I ignored it. He did ask how long the engagement was going to be and I said probably around the 2yr mark so we can save for the wedding. But anything specifically about the ring, I ignored.
Fast forward to today, I get a text from Ken asking when we’ll be having an enegagmeby party. I replied with “lol. We’re not engaged yet. And bedsides I don’t think we will be having one.” His response left me dumbfounded: “Yeh, you basically are engaged. I mean you know it’s coming so no one is going to be shocked or overly excited for you guys. What do you mean you’re not having an engagement party? That’s really selfish of you.” I asked “how is it selfish?” He came back with “well people want to celebrate and drink with you but if you’re not going to have a party how can they do that?” I said “well one we ARE engaged, you’re more than welcome to come by with Barbie and we’ll have dinner.” He said “no, what would be the point?”
This is where I’ve gotten really upset and haven’t replied. Bees what do I do? Just leave the conversation alone? Or what?
Post # 3
Wow! He seems really opinionated and not very polite. I would just avoid talking about engagement stuff with him since he seems so touchy about it.
Post # 4
Your poor friend sounds lost. He has some sort of assumptions in his mind on how things should go and if it is not done so he will cry it down. Is partying the only way to celebrate? He can save the celebration for the wedding.
Congrats on your engagement.
Post # 5
No one is going to be excited for you, but how will their poor tortured souls cope with not having that specific reason to have a party??
My oh my. Ken is a sourpuss and I’d gleefully not respond to further texts from him. What a love troll.
Post # 6
@krayzay87: Ken’s being a jerk. Ignore anything he says about weddings. And you certainly don’t have to have a party just to make Ken happy!
Post # 7
Rude! I didn’t have an engagement party either and it’s fine! I’m sure it would have been fun but if you don’t want that expense that’s YOUR choice! Tell him to throw you a party then ;). Since he’s so hung up on the surprise factor… haha. Plenty of couples discuss engagement beforehand and I think, generally, guys appreciate a little direction for the ring. You have to wear it forever, so it should concern you, IMO.
Post # 8
@Holocene: I think you’re right. I’ve already decided to not talk about it, and when he brings it up I’m just going to change the topic. I was just taken aback by his reply I guess.
@tiff-tiff-tiff: Thanks, but not engaged yet! Lol. Well I did reply to him saying that we wouldn’t be able to afford an engagement party AND a wedding. So we’re choosing to save for the wedding. He then replied “whatever”. It was as though he’s a 3yo and I’ve told him he can’t play with a certain toy.
@shaka: Lol “love troll”! I love it! 🙂
@paula1248: Oh we don’t plan to! Unless he’d be wiling to foot the bill, which of course he wouldn’t be, there will be no engagement party.
@tanzanitegirl1: Hehehe. Thank you! I didn’t think we were going about it in the wrong way. I thought it was sweet SO asked for my opinion and we’re both really happy with the design of the ring.
Post # 9
@krayzay87: Geez..some people! LOL Next thing you know he’ll start sending you fabric swatches And want to be in tow when you menu taste. Ken needs to chill. you may feel differently about the engagement party once you’re officially engaged. If he wants an engagement party for you so bad why doesn’t he just throw one for you himself?
Post # 10
@krayzay87: He sounds like a butthole. He was probably mad about something else and wanted to dump on you. I really can’t stand snarky people…I can see in my crystal ball that this guy could be a source of stress during your wedding planning.
Post # 11
What a prick! It would be a fitting surprise for him when this Barbie doesn’t like the ring he picks for her.
Post # 12
Sorry if I’m way off base here, but have you ever had any romantic involvement with this guy? It kind of sounds like he’s jealous and trying to rain on your parade any way he can. Either way he seems like a real jerk, if my best guy friend talked to me like that after I told him exciting happy news he wouldn’t be my best guy friend for long!
Post # 13
That’s so strange. There’s nothing selfish about not wanting an engagement party, if anything, it’s the opposite. I didn’t want one because I felt it would be gift-grabby of me.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
@shaka: this exactly! He sounds catty and obnoxious. I wouldnt share any engagement/wedding details with him anymore.
Post # 15
@thunderberry: +1 that definitely crossed my mind too.
OP, avoid talking to him about it (I’d avoid talking to him period but you’re probably not as irrational as I can be when someone pisses me off) and laugh when “barbie” doesn’t like the ring he gets her =)
Post # 16
+1 I was thinking the same thing.
For our engagement, we had a bbq when we had one year to go until the wedding. It was small, with just immediate family and the wedding party. It was mostly potluck and then some of us went out to a local bar afterwards.
I’m sure people will be so happy for you…and if you want to have a small celebration or no celebration, that’s up to you…whatever it is, I’m doubting “Ken” will be invited.
Congrats and best wishes.