Been Engaged for almost 7 years

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

kde38:  If his mother isn’t paying, she shouldn’t decide how you two are going about it. It sounds a little harsh, but what would you rather do? Wait around for things to happen and experience a 15 year engagement because his mom said no? Or elope and celebrate the union of you and your partner? 

I’ve been pretty firm with my mother (I didn’t ask for financial help), that she doesn’t get to decide who to cross off the list, what food to serve, and what earrings I’m going to wear. 

I understand he’s a free-lance videographer, but if you aren’t working, he may have to bite the bullet and go find a regular job to help out and do the videography on the side. 

Post # 3
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

It is ultimately dependent on what you want for your wedding day, if your parents don’t want to help out you will have to do it without their funding. So for example, if you do want to have a wedding with ceremony and reception to follow with some guests, then you might have to wait longer than if you were happy to elope or just go to the courthouse.

As for your FI’s mother wanting to go with you if you elope and you don’t want her there, just want it be the two of you, tell her so. Or if you’re worried she might go anyway if you tell her ahead of time, don’t tell her until afterwards.

Best of luck OP, I am also having a very long engagement, probably five and a half years (currently we have been engaged almost three years), so I understand the desire to just be married already!

Post # 4
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Do you want to elope? If so, then you could consider getting paperwork married at the courthouse with your immediate families there, then have a romantic elopement ceremony right afterwards on your own. If you are eloping overseas then often it’s difficult to get the paperwork done there anyway so most people will go the legal marriage separately. Best of both worlds.

But yeah, after 7 long years of engagement I can see why you would want to move on to the next stage ASAP.

Post # 5
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Elope! If she’s not willing to payshe has no say in it! 

Post # 6
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

kde38:  Have a planned elopement haha. My SO are planning on doing this. Basically find a cheap Justice of the Peace and have them meet you at a pretty park or some place local on a planned date and tell his mom or whoever wants to see you tie the knot and then if they make it there by your set time they get to watch and if not well you tried. I believe a marriage license is $35 and the JOP could be $50-75. If your state does court house weddings (I’m in VA and they no longer do these) then even better, you can have a couple guests and take care of everything in one stop 🙂 

Post # 7
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Do you have a budget? A rough *must have* guest list? What kind of wedding do *you* want?

– Go to the courthouse in a cute little dress with your parents. Get married.  Go out for a nice dinner with your closest family & friends to celebrate. 

– Get married in a church. Have a homemade “pot-luck” reception in the church’s reception hall. Ask your closest friends/family to help with the food. 

– Get married and have a reception at a local park. Picnic style. 

– Hire an officiant and get married in your backyard with your closest fiends and family. Make your own food. Or order pizza.


Don’t keep putting it off because you can’t have a big expensive wedding. If you can’t afford it now, you might never be able to because something else will always be ‘more important’. 

Post # 8
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m confused, she’s not contributing.. Why does she get a say?

Too bad that she wants you to get married with her present, its your wedding. Just elope.

Post # 9
1329 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused too. You’ve been together for 11 years and are waiting for parental financing? Are you able to support yourself as a couple without taking money from others?

Are you actively looking for a job, or getting training?

what you buy with your own money is yours.

Post # 10
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

There are lots of ways to get married on the cheap and easy. You’ve gotten great suggestions from PPs. 

I agree that if you want to elope, just do it. Don’t tell anybody until after it happens. 

Or do a courthouse wedding followed by dinner with your closest friends and family at your house or at a restaurant.

Or a church wedding with a cake and punch reception after (that’s what my parents did).

All of these can be done for a few hundred dollars. 

Post # 11
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you want to elope, just do it. His mother doesn’t get a say in what you both do. She can have an opinion, but that’s all it is – an opinion.

Post # 12
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

His mom said “no” so you can’t elope? Are you 12? You’re both adults, elope if you want to. Getting married doesn’t have to cost a lot, plenty of people can’t afford a big wedding (myself included). All you need is a justice of the peace and a marriage license. You could also have a backyard wedding, a potluck wedding, or a million other things. This whole business with people spending 10-30 thousand bucks is insane- you definitely don’t have to. 

We’re having a backyard wedding then we’re all going to a restaurant. Easy peasy. 

Post # 14
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you both wanted to be married, you would be. A simple ceremony at City Hall or in front of a JP followed by light refreshments need not cost more than a special date night.

Post # 15
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

kde38:  invite his mom (or all your parents) to the courthouse and then you can all go get dinner.

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