Post # 1
I left Saturday December 14th in the early morning to go down to SC to stay with my SO and his grandparents for the weekend for an early Christmas sort of. Sunday on our way back, my SO’s mom called and said his other grandpas health was declining fast and that we should come down to NM as soon as possible. So Sunday night we bought two b tickets round trip to NM. Got there Monday morning and were exhausted. Throughout the week we helped his mom and aunt and grandma keep the house in order for some out of town relatives to stay the night. We helped look for his grandpas DD214 for the funeral and pretty much stayed in the house for three days straight. Eventually we got to actually go out on our own and look around which was nice. So needless to say we spent the days cuddling, kissing, snuggling on the couch and cherishing all our time together. Seven days were spent in the arms of the man I love and it hurt like heck when we got back to Atlanta and he took me halfway back home and he returned to his grandparents home in SC where he lives. He lives four hours away from me and because of his terrible gas guzzler of a truck, he currently can’t afford to make drives up here to see me. We don’t know when we’ll see each other again, but I’ve been in a numb state of mind since we parted ways and nothing feels the same again. It feels like he should always be with me no matter what or where I am. It feels very very strange without him and I feel like our relationship is on a very much deeper level than its ever been before. We’ve grown accustomed to being together and not being with each other isn’t an option. Until we officially get engaged, we can’t really do anything about him moving here so we’re at a stand still which frustrates me. I’ve not had much of an Appetite lately and haven’t slept well at all since we parted. We can’t live together till Marriage because of our beliefs and we so desperately want to be together soon. I’m not really looking for advice but has anyone ever felt like this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
If you’re so blindingly depressed when you can’t be with him, I don’t understand why you can’t live in a roommate situation. Just because people live with each other doesn’t mean they’re sexually active or anything — they’re just with the person they love. I can’t understand why you’d torture yourself to the point of not eating and feeling completely numb just because of ‘beliefs’.
Post # 4
@katiecat08: Awwww, HUGS. As much as it sucks, it’s kind of a nice feeling really, knowing how perfect you are together that you feel like you’re not quite whole without him. When FH went away for a week, after I dropped him off at the airport I was kind of lost. We’ve lived together for 7 years, we rarely spend more than a day or 2 apart so it was really really weird coming home and not having him here.
Hopefully you guys can get engaged and married soon – or he gets a much more fuel efficient vehicle and you can see each other more often!
Post # 5
Perhaps living together in a two bedroom place and strictly keeping to separate beds? I mean heck, I’ve had many roommates this way, both male and female, and there was nothing indecent about it. You should be able to keep the same behaviors Under the same roof. Barring that, at least moving closer than 4 hours apart. I mean, one of you (or both of you) is going to have to move after the wedding anyway.
Post # 6
It’s more than just beliefs. Were very strong in our religion and its nothing against other people’s beliefs it’s just what we feel is right for us. My SO nearly broke down when wet flew home. He said he was tired of us having to say goodbye. He said when I’m with him I give him that reassurance that everything is okay. Without him, he said the world seems scarier and unsecure. Hes working very hard to provide for our future and just the other day he worked 22 hours straight at work. His truck he drives was his late grandfather’s andrrefuses to part with it for now. We want to do this the right way but because our relationship has deepened even more, were no longer at the point where we can easily say, “oh well see each other son enough. ” it’s getting harder day by day.
Post # 7
Because of my current job situation he would probably move here for the time being. We don’t want to move here forever but since we’d just be starting out it’d be smarter to save some money if possible.
Post # 8
If I were you’d id a hobby to eat up time when I’m alone. I understand missing someone you love because I get all blah when my FI goes out of town for a couple days but I don’t break down and become depressed to the point I can’t function properly during the day because I miss him. It sounds mildly unhealthy to be so emotionally dependent on someone….
what car do you have? Is it possible for you to visit him?
Post # 9
Well if you BOTH are having these feelings…
Then you guys need to get Engaged & Married sooner than later.
Sorry, it isn’t clear from your post WHY this isn’t happening.
Post # 10
This sounds self-inflicted…can’t you two get engaged and start planning your future? How old are you?
Post # 11
@katiecat08: I completely relate. We did get married earlier this year, January, and this was supposed to be our first Christmas together. Nope. For a plethora of reasons…not the least of which was a concerning family matter on DH side, he left town with his two kids last weekend and won’t be home til this coming weekend. Leaving me and my two kids here, with my parents for Christmas Eve and day.
I’ve been out of sorts this entire week. Feels like being a single mom all over again 🙁 I’ve been working, then working some more at home as a one woman show to make sure my kids and my parents have a happy holiday, and it just feels lonely and sad.
Having been thru this Christmas apart now, I’d add that if it is at all in your power to avoid this type of situation, do it! Life is too short to be sad and separated from your one true love!
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
I don’t understand how it ‘feels right’ if you’re this miserable, seriously.
Post # 13
There are things he/you could do but you won’t consider them. It is more important to him to drive a gas guzzler (regardless of the sentimental attachment) then it is to come and see you. It is more important to be married then to live together. If it’s that important then you should go down to the court house and get married. It is not hard or expensive. You are both chosing to put other stuff (a car, beliefs, a fancy engagement/wedding) before doing what will improve your mental health, and make you happy. Logic fail.
It seems unhealthy to me, to be unable to function without someone else. You were your own person before you met, and should continue to be your own person without him around. You should enhance each other, not allow you to function.
Do you have a car? Is there a bus you can take? Is him driving a gas guzzler to you the only option?
Post # 14
This sounds more like codependence than a deepening of an adult relationship. Didn’t you guys just meet in May and you’ve been long distance the whole time? How much actual time have you spent together?
Post # 15
@HannahGrace: “This sounds more like codependence than a deepening of an adult relationship.”
Agreed. In healthy relationships, and just being a healthy person, you’re still a functional human being on your own.
Post # 16
My FI and I did long distance for about a year and a half and it certianly sucked, so I understand little pangs of “Wow it’d be so much better if we lived near each other” but neither of us ceased functioning because of it. I’d be concerned if he told me he was miserable and coulndn’t sleep because I wasn’t there. I get one or two days of being miserable, but you should be able to get back into your daily routine.
It may sound extreme but if you honestly feel depressed enough that it’s messing with your daily routine I’d suggest trying therapy. It might be helpful just to sit down and talk about your feelings and try to work out what the best way to move forward.