(Closed) been struggling….with my family and sisters stressing me out and upsetting me!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper


I think it’s important to recognize, from the start, that everyone who helps you plans is going to have opinions, whether that’s your mom, his mom, your sisters, your friends…whomever. Rather than be upset when they have opinions, I think it’s a good idea to first figure out what is most important to you and your fiance about the wedding, what things are ‘non negotiable’ for the two of you, and what you’re willing to be more flexible with. 

I’ve found people are a lot less likely to criticise a decision J and I made together (“We talked about it and decided to go with plum as our main wedding color”) rather than one I made (“I want purple”) – and since you are going to be making decisions together, it’s very easy to respond to well meant suggestions with, “I can’t change that without talking to Fiance first, but we’ll definitely consider it. For now, let’s talk about what we’ve already decided on.”

You said you’re not really into all the details, but it does sound like you have some pretty strong opinions, so I think it’s going to be vital for you to figure out what you really want. If someone like your mom wants to help, it’s great to give her tasks – with my mom, she was freaking out about helping, so I asked her to deal with flowers. I gave her a set of parameters (our budget, the colors I wanted , and the general aesthetic I’m going for [loosely tied, organic, natural looking bouquet]) and then am letting her decide the rest. As long as she has something to work on and be in control of, something I don’t really care too much about, I’ve found it helps her stay out of the things I’m working on.

Plus, divide and conquer! I don’t have to worry about flowers now, which is great, because I don’t really care what they look like, beyond what I told my mom!

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