Bees, do you have 'chemistry' with guys other than your SO/FI/husband?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think it is a bad sign. I do have chemistry with other guys. Also, with other girls. People don’t stop being interesting or fun to me just because I’m married. Doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them!

Post # 4
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yup, I do; don’t see the issue with it.

I don’t believe in ‘the one’ and would find it weird if I nevere experienced chemistry with another man.

Also, I’d say OH has chemistry with other women inc one of my best friends (they used to flirt like crazy lol); it doesn’t bother me.

Post # 5
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think some people are just naturally drawn to each other or get along in a certain way.  I don’t think it’s a bad thing, unless of course you take it too far or something.  But yeah, I have “chemistry” with others, one guy is my DH’s old room mate.. we just click and get along really well but nothing past that.

Post # 6
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No I don’t, I don’t let a relationship get to that point. If I were to ever have those kind of feelings about another man, I would cut ties with that person.

I don’t have any male friends or hang out with males who my FI doesn’t know or have a relationship with himself.

And if your friend is telling you to cheat or see what else is out there, I don’t think she’s a very good friend.

Post # 8
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

casmas

i was with DH for 6 and half years before being engaged. there was this super super hot guy, who was well cute, shy and kind of a dork. we got a long really well. would lie if i said i didnt think what would it be like. ive only been with a couple guys and started dating DH at 19. After hearing he hooked up with my co worker. totally fine but she is like 45. and then later my other coworker who had a big crush on him said they got drunk and hooked up and he tried to…eh hem…go threw the back door. that was enough for me to be like man. hes a slut! haha. cool guy friend. but a slut. even if he is “shy”.

So yeah you might have great chemistry with another dude, but dont sweat it or pull the thread on that sweater cuz remember …

Post # 9
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s perfectly natural to have chemistry with people other than your partner. You don’t stop being human once you get into a relationship!  It’s not wrong to have chemistry or even to have the occasional daydream or feel that pull of attraction, because getting into a relationship does not stop our biological, subconcious search for a mate. It’s only wrong or worrying when the occasional daydream turns into a distraction from your real life relationship, or when you act on those feelings of attraction.

FWIW I think it is best to learn to deal with pangs of attraction or chemistry, rather than severing all ties with the object of your attraction, because sooner or later you’ll be faced with those same feelings toward someone where severing ties isn’t an option. Maybe it’s a co-worker on a project where you have no choice to work together, or a neighbor with a similar work schedule to yours, so you’re constantly crossing paths.  If you don’t know how to acknowledge those feelings and still maintain your composure, self-respect and control, it might end up in disaster.

As for the friend’s comment to go see what it’s like with the other guy before you take the plunge on your fi, I would just chalk that up to immaturity and not downright meanness or wickedness. Many people, especially those who are very young and/or immature, can’t imagine anyone wanting to settle down with one partner forever, and just have a difficult time with that concept till they themselves find a loving partner.

Post # 10
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m crazy for my husband but I have great chemistry with lots of other people, including other men. I think it’s normal, and I don’t think it’s necessarily problematic – but I do think it can become problematic if you let those feelings become a bigger thing. Your friend is not giving you great advice, obviously.

Post # 11
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Sexual chemistry?  No.  Social chemistry – definitely, and have no problems with it.  Some personalities and people just click.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@casmas:  I think it’s ok to have chemistyr with other guys. Personalilites click. That’s the way it is.

However, you friend suggesting you pretty much explore your options while you’re in a committed relationship is rude and kind of a disgusting thing to suggest.

Post # 13
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@souza_2005:  haha love this post!!

@casmas:   I think it’s one thing to have chemistry some people totally click with other people it happens!  As long as the chemistry isn’t um sexual in nature it’s all good!

Post # 14
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

I would no longer have anything to do with this *friend of a friend*, frankly. Sounds like she either 1) has an ulterior motive  or 2) she’s just trouble and enjoys making trouble and watching it unfold. Either way, she’s bad news.

I completely disagree that her suggestion may be motivated by immaturity or whatever. I have never – not once in my 50 years – suggested to a person that they should *testdrive* someone else behind their partner’s back. I mean, really. Who does that???

Stay far, far away from this girl and keep your personal life and relationship far, far away from this girl.

Post # 15
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok first and foremost, we are all human… and we have “chemistry” will lots of different people

WHAT MATTERS is what we do with that chemistry… whether we act upon it or not

And Chemistry won’t suddenly go away in some cases just because we get engaged or married (which is WHY I tell people, that when your relationship status changes, so should the boundaries that you have with the “relationships” outside of your couple-dom… be that with Family or Friends)

Ie. When one marries, the relationship (NEW Family) you’ve formed with your Spouse should come BEFORE other relationships or family ties… so the NEW Family needs comes before HIS Family or YOUR Family.  Most Newlyweds run into this issue first with Holidays, and how to spend them.

Likewise, friendships should change too.  Be those the ones you or your hubby have with same sex pals (the GFs you hang with, the guys he golfs with) it is very healthy to have a posse of friends, but not so much if they impose on your home life / couple time. 

Same with opposite sex friends… boundaries should change when one becomes part of a duo to honour that relationship.  I strongly believe it is disrespectful to a spouse to see opposite sex friends one-on-one outside of being a couple.  Just too much sharing and possibility of the relationship developing further.

Truth is, when it comes to opposite sex friendships more often than not one of the parties is interested in the possiblity of MORE coming out of the relationship.  And that ends up causing hurt feelings and pain inevitably somewhere along the way.

All that said.

You call this person a friend who is giving you this crazy CHEMISTRY advice when you are perhaps thinking of getting engaged / married to your current SO ?

She what is proposing that you stop dating your SO to check out one of these guys as a “potential” mate

OR was she thinking more along the lines of you should just have some hook ups behind your SO’s back ?

She is planting seeds of doubt in your mind for a reason.

Either

A – She doesn’t like your current SO

B – She really likes your SO and would like to have him for herself, and in order to do that she needs you out of the picture / find someway that your relationship with him is in jeoparday

Truthfully… even talking about this concept with her may be enough… I mean she now tells your SO that you’ve been “wondering” out loud about other men, could put serious doubt in a guy’s brain about the TRUSTWORTHINESS of his women

(Men are uber competitive… and trusting their Woman around other men, men who might horn-dog in on their territory is a HUGE CONCERN to them… they don’t want a woman who can easily turn her head / potentially cheat.  Men don’t take well to women who cheat on them… even emotional cheaters)

This GF isn’t a friend… she’s a shark, and not to be trusted.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 16
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I think it’s very natural to have sexual chemistry with the opposite sex. You just have to watch out and not let it go further than that! Why do you think it can be so tough to be ‘just friends’ with them?!

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