Post # 1
He wants a fire pit. I don’t. I think they’re messy and dangerous and a pain. And I hate the smoke too–it really aggravates my allergies. And I don’t want a giant hole burned into our back lawn where the pit would be set up. We have talked about this a couple of times, and I have made my preferences clear. A few nights ago, a bunch of his friends were over, and they were all egging me on to get a fire pit. Excuse me? This is our house, so if you want a fire pit, get one for your own damn yard.
I come home today and what do I see in the garage? A fire pit that he must have bought while at the hardware store today. Don’t even get me started on all the crap he has to buy, useless gadgets that just sit around and clog up our garage. I am so mad I can hardly type straight.
I don’t know what to do. He will think it’s all a hilarious joke on me that he snuck behind my back to buy this stupid thing. And by the way, our city council is deciding whether or not to ban these things (and burning stuff like leaves and sticks) because they are dangerous and stinky.
In the meantime, he is not home, so I put the damn thing in the trunk of my car and I plan to go hide it someplace (a friend’s house) and pretend ignorance. If he wants to sneak behind my back, fine. Two can play at this game.
What should I do? He won’t listen to me. To me, this is a clear sign of disrespect that he would do this. And if I dig in my heels, it’ll just escalate because he is not the type who will back down.
On days like this, I wonder why I married him.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t hide it. Talk to him like an adult. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, this is not worth a big blowout over. Maybe you all can get a chimenea instead… find a compromise.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should be vengeful and say “two can play at that game”. That’s not going to resolve anything, and it’s going to breed resentment.
It’s very unfortunate that he completely disregarded your reasons for not wanting the fire pit, but did you listen to any of his reasons why he DID want it?
I’d say leave it, and have a reasonable, non emotional discussion about it. There may be a comprimise, like him not using it when you’re home, and him being soely responsible for keeping it clean etc.
Post # 5
Ummm……breathe!?! Thats a lot of anger over a fire pit. I think you have some other issues going on that are clearly bothering you more than a fire pit. Maybe you should talk to some one if you feel like your husband doesnt respect your opinion? Idk…but then again, I like fire pits.
Post # 7
@mspartridge: actually hiding it sounds funny IMO for about a minute. You two need to compromise and it sounds like there are more issues than just this fire pit.
That said I like fire pits. 🙂
Post # 8
the way you’ve described a fire pit doesn’t quite tally with what I’ve seen of fire pits. some are quite nice with bricks set around them and set further out from the house with chairs etc.
You seem to be describing this:
I’m imagining this:
Don’t play games. It won’t end well.
Post # 9
It is definitely not cool that he went behind your back and bought one. It also is not cool that you are hiding in the trunk of your car and plan to move it to another location.
That being said, I do think you can find a compromise you both can live with.
We had a fire pit in our backyard for the past two years and will again this year and there is no dead spot in our yard where it was set up. Maybe because it wasn’t super close to the ground, maybe because we move it around to suit our needs/moods..who knows? Is there an area you don’t visit often or isn’t as visible where he could set it up?
Also, perhaps he can just agree to use the fire pit when you go out for a girl’s night or something so that the smoke doesn’t bother you, and he can put his clothes directly in the washing machine so you don’t have to smell it.
That way you both are happy and have a solution you can live with. Just a thought.
Post # 10
@mspartridge: Hiding it on him is really childish. Surely you two can work it out like adults.
Post # 11
Sounds like you are way overreacting. It’s just a fire pit. It’s really not that serious in the big scheme. Try to find a compromise and avoid playing games.
Post # 12
I think a fair compramise.
He doesn’t burn while you’re around, he cleans up the mess associated. Why do you get to rule it out 100%?
Post # 13
I would advice you to no “play games” with your husband, never a good thing came out of those.
Just speak to him, calmly and put all your points out, and then let him speak. Now that he thing is there, I guess there isn’t much you can do, I would just make sure that something like this didn’t happen again.
Post # 14
This reaction couldn’t possibly be about the fire pit alone. Did something else happen?
Post # 15
I think you are way over-reacting and you shouldn’t be being childish and hiding the fire pit in your car/at a friend’s house. You guys need to have a discussion and come to a compromise.
And I feel like you are quite wrong about fire pits. My parents have a beautiful one with bricks and such and there is almost no cleaning and it isn’t dirty and there isn’t a big burned spot. My sister also has a metal one that she and her FI can use on their patio. Again, no burned spot and very little cleaning.
Post # 16
Well I understand why you are upset. Sorry, that’s the best I can do as I love them and I have had fire pits at the last three places I lived. In fact the huge fire pit by the stream kind of sold me on this place. Fabulous for entertaining! Guests not only love food cooked over a fire, but it’s great to drum, play music or just mellow out. Although we use ours more frequently in the summer, we use it all year round. We made s’mores for the first snowfall last winter!
That being said, it sound like your DH got a fire ring. My fire pits have always been constructed of bricks or mountain stones. Plus you say you live in the city? Most cities will not allow them and I definitely do NOT live in the city!