Bees, how much would you give?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ForeverBirds:  I know how rough that is. I’m in the same situation right now. I would at least get a card. If you can afford it I would give as much as you could since he’s so close to her. 

ETA: I wouldn’t give something like 5 dollars though… that seems insulting and like a child’s birthday card gift. 

Post # 5
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ForeverBirds:  I just know how tough of a situation that is… I’m sure if you just get a card they will understand. You’ll probably spend 5 dollars on the card anyways. 

Post # 6
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ForeverBirds:  She’s SO’s friend, not yours, so trust his judgement. If he says they will understand, then trust him on that.

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 @ForeverBirds:  I agree with PP. If your FI feels they will understand, maybe it is a good idea to trust his judgement! =)

If you still really feel strongly about getting them something, maybe try looking at thrift stores? I’ve lucked out a few times in their home decor section, and have found decorative pieces at a bargain, so you may be able to get them something for their home for a good price?

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think a pretty wedding card with a nice message of well wishes is enough.  If you feel awkward about that, you could have him write in the card that you’d both love to take them out to dinner as a celebration after their honeymoon.  That way you have at least a few weeks to put a few dollars aside to treat them to dinner. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

I just couldn’t turn up to a wedding without a gift. If I couldn’t afford one I probably wouldn’t go. You don’t need to spend a lot there are lots of lovely gifts around under $50.

Post # 10
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Holly77:  Totally agreed. Money is tight for us right now as well, so I understand the temptation of coming empty handed, but the fact of the matter is, they couple (or their parents) are paying for a night out. I just couldn’t come empty handed. 

There are also a lot of really inexpensive DIY projects that you could attempt that would be super special. Maybe a sign for their new home or some other kind of decoration that can be personalized. It won’t cost much, but knowing that you made the effort will speak volumes.

Post # 11
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Part of the reason we are eloping is we hate the thought of anyone not spending the day with us because they cannot do a gift.  I would willing to spend $100 to have them there with me that day, I don’t need to recoup that in any way.  I have a best friend who has missed parties I have had (housewarming, graduation) when she couldn’t do a gift.  But I wanted to see her, and celebrate with her!  It made me so mad, that she didn’t feel like she could show up empty handed.  I didn’t invite her wallet, I invited her.

A card is fine when that’s all you can do.  If you can do more, you would, but you cannot.  If my best friend had made it to my occasions with a card, I’d have been much happier.

Post # 12
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DH and I personally don’t like to show up to anything empty handed so in this instance, I would at least get a decent bottle of bubbly or an inexpensive vase/frame/etc. (from a place like HomeGoods, Kohls or even Ikea). I think that plus a card should be about $15-25 max.

Post # 13
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@DanielleElizabeth: 

+1 I like this idea.

 @ForeverBirds: 

Can you afford to give $50? Something is better than nothing. I follow the old “pay for your plate” rule of $100 for my husband and I. If it is a family member, I try to give more.  

Post # 14
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

I would say a card and then maybe some kind of consumable like alcohol or a baked good? Something that is thoughtful and useful. I personally love homemade gifts and would understand if someone didn’t have it in their budget for a fancy gift but put some thought and effort in instead 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you should not go to a wedding beacuse of money, and I don’t think you should give a gift that you truly cannot afford. A bride and groom should not invite you to their wedding expecting gifts, it’s a gesture we make as thoughtful human beings to help a couple start their new life, it’s not required. If you cannot afford to give them anything, then a nice card and a heartfelt message is fine. Trust me, I would have been HAPPY to receive even just a card wishing us well from some of our guests who truly showed up empty handed. As if buying a card for 99 cents is hard…. meh.. can you tell I’m bitter? haha

If you want to try to give a gift but can’t really afford one, get innovative. Some of our best gifts were hand made or custom. Are you crafty? Or is there something you are good at that you can slip a “coupon” in the card for? Maybe even a cute ring holder they can put by their sink. Honestly, even a bottle of wine or champagne would be fine IMO. As long as you include the card, that’s the most important part I think, and the easiest.

Ring holder for reference:

http://www.worldmarket.com/product/ceramic-bird-ring-holder.do?&from=Search

Post # 16
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ForeverBirds:  Give a visa card for like 40 bucks (we did that for my SOs supervisors wedding and figured they could use it for gas money or something) 

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