- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
omg omg. ok, so if you look at my past threads on this account, you will see i have a more regular account, but i made this one for when i need to go to totally anon. sorry about that! and ironically my last post with this account was asking about pregnancy tests….because Darling Husband and I had a little pregnancy scare. turns out i wasn’t pregnant then, just late period. well, not this time!!!!!! and i am totally freaking out. i am married, i have been having baby fever for months now, but we were also not planning to have kids for a few more years!!!!!!! we are not at all financially ready, but i guess when it comes down to it, we can make it work. i am finishing up a degree and already started a part time job that will turn full time after i graduate. DH started a full time starter job 6 months ago after graduating. and well, we feel like we are finally just starting our lives, we have plans to relocate somewhere exciting we always wanted to live and experience….kids were just not on the agenda for a few more years! even though my maternal instinct does not agree with this and i am constantly telling Darling Husband i want his baby now! well, the saying “be careful what you wish for” has never had so much meaning to me before!!!
here is what happened, because i guess you can say we are “emotionally” ready for kids and we have been married almost a year, we haven’t been extremely careful on the birth control front. i am not on the pill due to health issues and so all we use is condoms…sometimes…but he always pulls out at the very least. i am not stupid by any means, i know this is exactly how this happnened and we have talked about the fact that it COULD happen and decided if it did we would be okay with it! So i guess you can say we were Not Trying Not to Conceive (is that what it is called? i haven’t learned all the TTC lingo on here yet!!!) …BUT I AM STILL FREAKING OUT, I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM PREGNANT!!!! i just can’t. my period didn’t come at all in february, but i recently started tracking my periods and saw that my cycles can be as long as 40 days (well that happened twice, one was 43 days and one was 35 days – only 2 cycles since i started tracking so that is all the data i have!). It was the 43 day cycle 2 months ago that made me have a little pregnancy scare, so i asked you bees for recs on which PT to use and i tested negative. this time around, i assumed my period was late due to stress and switching blood pressure meds (thought maybe meds could mess with my cycle since my cycle was so unpredictable as is). AND I did spot for 4 days in february when i was supposed to get my period so since it still had not come full fledged, i was starting to think that the spotting in feb had been a weird, light period.
To be safe, i picked up two dollar store pregnancy tests this week to “rule it out” AND THEY ARE BOTH POSITIVE! I just did them now, started hyperventilating and came here to freak out before i go to the pharmacy to buy like 20 more tests, LOL. no seriously, i am going to buy one (not 20!) of those digital ones just to get one more reading and just to get out and go for a walk to calm down.
And here is another thing i am freaking out about: last month, possibly while i was pregnant, i smoked weed twice (something i do VERY rarely – only have one friend that does it), and i have probably drank wine on numerous occasions….actually Darling Husband and I got pretty drunk on Valentine’s day! for all i know that is when we conceived because i don’t think condoms entered the equation that night!! Other times i drink though, it has just been a glass or two. AND i have had sushi twice in the past month! All this combined is freaking me out, because had i actually been TTC i would have been abstaining from all these things and it makes me want to cry now!
And did i mention i am just freaking out in general??!! ok, sorry for rambling, i just needed to let this out somewhere, Darling Husband is at work and i can’t reach him at the moment, plus i would rather tell him in person. We are supposed to go for a beer tonight, so i decided to do the test now so i can be sure it was “safe” to have beer tonight!!!!! omg, i still can’t believe it. Please just tell me to breathe and that everything will be okay….
I was also thinking of going to buy that book “what to expect when you’re expecting” – its all i have heard of! Any other recommendations?? i was not ready to be pregnant and i am usually a PLANNER and someone who is always PREPARED! AHHH! I don’t even know how i feel about it. I think i am happy, but i also think i am still in shock and don’t fully believe it…..so maybe you can tell me i am not imagining lines, here are my two dollar store PTs: