Bees, I feel guilty :( Long, sorry

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@NekoKitten:  Are you guys engaged?

Don’t feel bad. I haven’t contributed anything ($0 and 0 cents.) for the past 6 months since we graduated undergrad and my SO has a great salary as well and job security. 

This rut you’re in won’t last forever. Now is the time to start talking finances and sharing $$ since you’re either married or on the road to marriage its gonna have to happen anyway when bigger purchases like houses, cars or decisions to have babies come in.

Post # 5
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@NekoKitten:  try not to feel bad! this is temporary – you’ve said you’re looking for other work, and I’m sure something will come up eventually. And wouldn’t you do the same if the situation were reversed and your fiance needed you to carry the financial weight for a bit? That could very well happen in your long life together, and I am sure you will both carry one another through tough times with flying colors. 🙂

 

Post # 6
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe get 2 part-time jobs?? That would help a lot!

Post # 7
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

When we moved in together it was me paying for everything because my FI had been laid off. I told him there will plenty of years ahead where one of us will make more or sometimes less than the other….too many years to keep ‘score’. Besides that’s not what marriage is about…it’s about sharing everything…even the the times you’re having now.

Post # 9
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@NekoKitten:  Don’t feel to bad, I am married and barely do any bills for us for DH and I. And we have a toddler in the mix. The only bill I really help out on is paying for our vehicle that I drive 99% of the time. 

But in all fairness, I do purchase all of our son’s clothes, toys, diapers etc.  I also do help out on purchasing groceries. 

Post # 10
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@NekoKitten:  Believe him when he tells you it’s ok.

I also want to add…if you are still feeling this way just do a little more around the house than normal If you can. I have to admit at one point I knew FI was a bit depressed because he hadn’t found a new job and he was spending all day just hanging around the house…it was a mess, laundry and dishes, etc…well, I didn’t say anything but there were a few times when I resented him a bit for sitting around when I was working 48 hours a week, straight nights. He got over it and found work and I’m glad I didn’t get upset with him but it still would have made it easier.

Post # 13
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I was in a similar situation myself – I was in process of job hunting and  he had a very good job. While I couldn’t contribute financially like I wanted to, I took care of the house, had dinner taken care of, etc. Honestly, I think he was just a little disappointed when I got the job, as progressive and feminist as he is, he totally admitted it was great to come  home to dinner and no housework! I told him if he wanted to keep that long term, he’d better double up on his income 😉

Post # 14
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@NekoKitten:  Then there’s nothing to feel guilty about at all…he says he’s happy, you’re working part time and you’re doing the extras you can.

And someday maybe the tables will be turned and then you’ll be able to help out more…and if not? What does it matter? As long as your relationship is strong. 

Post # 16
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know how you feel about the guilt. Im a SAHM and i still feel guilty even though i have a kid to take care of. I cope with my guilt by being the best house wife i can be (cleaning, cooking, organizing, errands, etc) and he seems to appreciate that. 

Do what you can, try to find a job, it may not happen immediately so dont bring yourself down. If anything it will give you an opportunity to explore the new city you’re in. You will land something eventually. Just remind yourself how lucky you are to have a FI like yours. 

@NekoKitten:  

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