(Closed) Bees I need help!!! I got the shock of my life yesterday

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Idk…I don’t see that huge deal. 

I mean being a smoker isn’t a good thing for health reason obviously but he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. 

I don’t categorize that as being “the shock of my life” kinda thing personally. 

Be mad for him keeping it from you if you want but other than that he can make his own choices IMO. 

Post # 4
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have no advice….Darling Husband is struggling with his nicotine habit that he’s had for MANY years….it is a very difficult thing for him. Although, if he just picked it up a couple months ago, can he really be that hooked already? (I really don’t know, i’ve never smoked) Good luck to you both!

Post # 6
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m going to preface this by saying I smoked for 6 years or so before I quit for good about 2.5 years ago. I quit cold turkey. When it his $4 a pack I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Not everyone can do it like I did and it was HARD.

So, he’s been smoking for a month or two? He can quit and he can quit now. Easing into quitting only after smoking for 2 months max is a silly thought to me. He’s just easing into being a smoker at this point. It’s not so ingrained in him that he craves it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but as Crisark said, he’s an adult. Just remember he has to want to quit for himself, not for others or to please you or it will never stick.

Post # 7
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m with Crisark, I was expecting something a little crazier than smoking. He sounds depressed based on his breakdown. Just be supportive as he tries to qiuit.

Post # 8
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, this sentence you wrote, “He said he knows that I am too good for him and he doesn’t deserve my uncoditional love and he hates that this is just another reason that he doesn’t deserve me…..” would bother me much more than the fact that he is a smoker and hid it from you. Of course I wouldn’t like that he smokes, since you said he hadn’t for the entire relationship thus far, but what he said above is more troubling. Take this with a grain of salt, but from somebody who smoked, do not try to make him stop. He has to WANT to stop. You can support/encourage him, but only if he wants to. You cannot make him stop unfortunately.

Post # 9
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Crisark: agreed. I thought it was going to be something serious. He just started smoking, it won’t be that hard for him to quit. Maybe he needs a job where everyone else isn’t smoking, if he can’t help the urges.

I say this, having smoked for 7 years and quitting 5.5 years ago. I did it cold turkey, and couldn’t be around other people who smoked, so I stopped going to bars (when you could still smoke in them). It was a sacrifice I had to make in order to keep myself from smoking

Post # 11
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to disagree with PP I would also be extremely shocked if my husband suddenly told he smoked and had been smoking for a month or two and I’d never seen any sign of it on him. It would worry me because it shows he is good at hiding things from me and would also worry me because its such a bad habit that affects not only his health but our finances as well.

Post # 12
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@bells: I agree with you.

I’d be shocked, too. Not because my husband isn’t an adult, but because I know my husband. And if he decided to start doing something so out of character, that would qualify as “shocking.”

Post # 13
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

First off, does smoking for 1-2 months get you so addicted that you would have trouble quitting?  I guess I’m asking, how long does it take to become addicted to nicotine?

Secondly, does he want to quit?  It sounds like he doesn’t.

Lastly, do you want to be with a smoker?  That is a big deal for many.  If you’re okay with it, then you’re okay with it.  But, if you don’t want your house smelling like smoke, or you don’t want him smoking around your kids, or if you don’t want to smell smoke on him and his clothes, you have some serious thinking to do.  If you don’t mind those things, then it’s no biggie.

Post # 15
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Jenn23: Totally this! He may be depressed and needs help with that far more than being a smoker for 2 months.

Post # 16
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@jessiesbabe: I agree. I think there are bigger issues right now than the smoking problem.

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