Post # 1
BEE’S…. I THOUGHT HE WAS PERFECT.
Fiance after 3years, he starts playing around, after 3 years of a solid relationship. He hid this girl since July2011. started talking to her almost EVERYDAY more than once a day for at least 2months. He called her when he calls me, in the morning. at work. when he got up. before work. called her minute after minute until she answered. who does this!?!? He erased every text from her, every call since JULY!
HOW DID I FIND OUT!??! LAST TUESDAY MORNING, AFTER HE WAS OUT OF WORK, HE ACCIDENTLY SENT ME A PICTURE OF HER. YES. THE MORON. WE CONFRONTED THE SITUATION RIGHT AWAY, HE ADMITTED TO HAVING A FRIENDSHIP THAT WAS BECOMMING NOT APPROPRIATE. BUT THAT IT WAS NEVER PHYSICAL. HE TALKED TO HER OBVIOUSLY WAAAY TOO MUCH. THEY SENT PICTURES. HE SAVED HER PICTURES IN AN EMAIL (ALL OF THIS I FOUND AFTER I LOOKED AT THE PHONE BILL)
HE STICKS TO HIS STORY THAT THEY WERENT PHYSICAL, THAT HE WAS GOING TO TELL ME, BUT THAT HE DIDNT CONSIDER WHAT HE WAS DOING CHEATING SO THATS WHY HE KEPT GOING. I BELIEVE HIM. I DO. BUT ONLY THIS ONCE.
BUT THIS HURT FEELS JUST AS BAD AS FULL ON CHEATING I WOULD THINK. I WAS BLIND SIDED. WE CRIED, WE PRAYED, I THRU IN A COUPLE OF SLAPS….YES I DID. HE APOLOGIZED TO BOTH OF MY PARENTS THE DAY AFTER. FOR LYING AND HURTING ME. THAT HE WAS GOING TO PROVE HE LOVED ME. AND I DID TAKE HIM BACK ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
BUT LOOKING AT THE PHONE RECORDS FULLY FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT, HIS FIRST DAY BACK TO WORK. AND IM TOTALLY BACK WHERE I STARTED. I HATE THAT I BELIEVE HIM AND WOULD STAY ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW IT WASNT PHYSICAL. I WISH I WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM SUFFER THE PAIN OF BEING ALONE. BUT I WASNT AND TOOK HIM BACK.
I THOUGHT I HAD THE EXCEPTION BEE’S. THE EXCEPTION TO THESE TYPICAL MEN. BUT EVEN THE BEST OF THEM FALL. MAYBE HE DIDNT FALL SO HARD. BUT HE DID.
??IS HE WORTH IT???
Post # 3
I say leave for a couple days and let him feel it.
Post # 4
First off I am very sorry this happened to you, and that you had no idea. Personally I could never move past something like that but I know some people are different than I am. I would always be wondering if he was still emotionally cheating. You need to determine if he is worth it. I would take at the very least a few days away from him to determine what you want. If he didn’t consider it cheating why did he delete every call, and text? Why would he pursue someone for over 4 months? It just sounds a little strange to me. If you really love him, and can rebuild your trust I wish you the best. I would seek counseling immediately.
Post # 5
@loch_ness: Yep thats what I was gonna say. If he thought he wasnt doing ANYTHING wrong he wouldnt feel the NEED to ERASE everything.
He KNEW exactly what he was doing.
Seek counseling, but u two need to sit down and have a honest conversation.
What do u want in this relatonship? What does he want? Obviously he isnt ready to settle down yet. If he was, he would not be wandering.
Ive told my Fiance a couple times that if you dont want to be with me then just tell me. Dont waste my time and your time. Y be together if you dont love each other.
And for someone to talk to this woman and erase everything, that isnt love. If he loved u he would have never done that, never have put you through that, etc.
Couples need to be careful when it comes to talking with the oppisite sex. Sure its all innocent, but then you keep hearing how people (hook up ) after just a phone call or a email or reconnect as friends on facebook. And no not everyone is in this category. But if people are not careful, this is where it will all lead to.
I hope it works out. I hope that you and him can be honest with each other. But most of all,I hope you are honest with yourself. What do you want after this?? Can you be with a man who you have no trust in?
Sorry for rambling. I just feel so bad for anybody who goes through something like this. Message me if you would like. 🙂
Post # 6
This is what broke up my first marriage. I even tried to forgive him, and counseling — but when someone isn’t into it, they just aren’t into it. Seven years later, I am a much more confident person, am totally in love with someone that adores and respects me and would never want to (nor will) deal with a situation like that again. From my experience, it is best to move on…….
Post # 7
I really think you should move on… he’s not sorry that he cheated, he’s sorry he got CAUGHT! easier said than done, but I’d call the wedding off at the very least.
Post # 8
I’d end things. There is no point is keeping this up. Like PP said, he’s not sorry he cheated, he’s sorry he got caught. I’m a firm believer in, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Because the desire to cheat, IMO, is derivative of some sort of psychological issue. Unless he gets some serious therapy, he’s not going to change. He hid things from you for a reason. You’re always going to wonder what those text messages said and what they talked about in those way too many phone calls. Don’t stay with him because you’re afraid to be alone. That is ridiculous. You’ll find someone else who is actually worth a damn.
Post # 9
Everyone changes, everyone should be forgived, everyone can move on from an incident like this. I know that is what you want to hear….but its something i cant say.
Guys do change, but if they have done it with you once…it probably means it will happen again. If a guy was always a cheater he could eventually turn into a non-cheater but it takes a certain girl to turn him. If he’s already alluded to the fact that your not enough for him then it will probably always be like that.
When you were thinking about him, he couldn’t wait to leave so he could talk to her. Thats all you need to know. He KNOWS he was doing something wrong. Especially since when you are engaged you meet everyone they are really good friends with unless they live in Eygpt.
Honey, its hard and I am sure you’ve heard it a million times but find someone who can’t stop calling you, only thinks about calling you, and can’t think about any other girls but you. He obviously has issues and hasn’t stopped shopping around. If you hadn’t found out when you did something physical would have happened…if it hasn’t already. Dont forgive..forget him.
Post # 10
P.S. You are only fulling yourself in the title. There is no “partical” cheating or “fully cheating” there is just cheating. My friend what your man did was cheating plain and simple and theres no way around that.
Post # 11
I would not believe him when he says it was not physical.
Post # 12
I think it is something you two could get past if you wanted to. Clearly your guy must have had the oppertunity at some point since July to take things to a physical level, but he didn’t. To me, at least, this says that he was not ready to throw away what you two had/have. IF (and this is a big IF), if you believe he was never physical with her, there is probably a chance you could work this out…maybe your lines of dialogue weren’t working, maybe he needs to learn to confide in you…maybe he just didn’t know what he wanted, whatever. But, with counseling, maybe it could still work out.
That being said, if you can’t trust him again, leave him. He screwed up, bottom line, no one forced him to keep this from you. If you knew about this girl, that it was just chatting, ect., it would have been okay (maybe a little too close for comfort, but not break-up worthy)…he kept this from you, that is the real problem.
No matter what you plan to do, I would take some time away from him. Move in with your parents, or a friend, or ask him to stay with a guy friend. You need to time to decide what you want to do, no one can make that choice for you.
Post # 13
Ok, a few thoughts.
He clearly knew something was wrong, because he hid it.
From your post, he seems committed to making it right. Also from your post, you took him back.
As much as it sucks to be looking at the bill now and seeing all of those details… you did take him back. So you need to decide if you can stay with that – its going to take a lot of work, but it might be salvageable – or if you have to cut him loose.
What you shouldn’t do is make this about hurting him back – ie, leaving him for a few days just to make him feel the pain of being alone. That’s just feeding the ugliness that goes with this situation.
Just my $0.02. I’m sorry that this happened to you both. 🙁
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
What alarms me is that he didn’t tell you– you had to find out for yourself. That makes me think that you should walk away for now and let him absorb the fact that he HAS been emotionally cheating on you.
Post # 15
I think it takes alot to come clean. I wouldnt rush into making a decision. Guys do change. Ive been in a similar situation. I think everyone should be forgiven once depending on the situation. He says he wasnt physical… he may NOT have been. He knew what he was doing was wrong and admitted it, showed all the evidence and seems to wanna make things right. Most guys wouldnt do that lol I say take a few days away from each other, talk things out and follow your heart. You may love him but if deep down inside says to leave, then do it. I know its a tough spot to be in…. just stay strong.
Post # 16
wow… i’m so sorry this happened. sometimes ’emotional’ cheating hurts more than ‘physical’ cheating, but bottom line is that trust has been broken.
you asked if he was worth it, this is a question only you can answer, and only after you ask yourself how much you value your own self. if you can forgive him fully and cleanly, then yes, it’s worth it to make it work. it will take a lot of time and patience, but i hope you can work it out. if you think this is something that will eat away at you and make you resentful, then it’s better to break things off before you find out it’s not something you can live with after you two are married with babies.
((hug)) for you, hope you feel better soon.