(Closed) Bees, I need your help – relationship issues (long!). Desperate!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anon201314:  Your boyfriend sounds like one of the few sensible people in your life. Listen to his opinion before you listen to anyone else’s. You are going to law school sp that you can support yourself (not just for fun) You won’t need someone to “take care of you.”

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@anon201314:  Only you can determine how much others’ judgement of your relationship is going to bother you.  If it really does bother you, it will affect the quality of your relationship and may make it difficult to impossible.  You don’t seem to be saying that you really love him, and that you are perfect together and you wish everyone else would see it.  It sounds like the doubts that others have are really the doubts that you have too.

I don’t know.  I sort of believe that when it’s right, you KNOW it.  I was in a previous relationship that never felt quite right for several different reasons.  Even though there were many positive aspects to our relationship, ultimately I realized I just wouldn’t be happy with him long term and we broke up. I’ve never had any doubts about my future husband being the completely right person for me.  In the beginning, I thought he wasn’t exactly what I wanted on paper, so I did have some doubts, but one thing I never doubted is that we were completely perfect together, compatibility, interests wise, and values wise.  I got over the stuff that was lacking and now I know with 100% certainty that he is the one.  I kind of believe that you NEED to feel that certainy… or you’re not ready to be engaged.

I would recommend breaking off the engagement or at least not actively plan a wedding right now.  You need to take more time to figure out if this really is the guy.  If he is, you’ll know it.  If not, you need to let him go.  Only YOU can figure out if he is the one or not…. absolutely no one else can do this for you, and they should not be trying to.

Post # 5
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anon201314:  “Recently this girlfriend and I went to a jewelry place she knows for her to look at the engagement rings – she wanted her 6 y.o. bf to propose.”


Hehe, you may want to edit that;) Just wanted to point that out before your editing window closed. Now back to reading your post:)

 

ETA: Ok, finished reading. It sounds to me like you lack a caring support system. The things that your mother and supposed friends say to you are unkind, at best, and I can’t imagine the people who are close to me ever speaking to me like that. They seem very driven and focused on material things, and it sounds as though you have an idea of what you want but aren’t sure and are feeling pressured to fit into some mold. I wouldn’t suggest getting married at this point, as it sounds like you have some work to do with yourself to figure out what you want and who you are independent of a man.

 

Post # 7
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@anon201314:  I know counseling/therapy is a super cliched response on the Bee, but if you really have all of this negative input in your life all of the time, a life coach might be useful in figuring out what you want from life. I have to say that it really does sound like you have a very unsupportive support system in you life, and you seem really down on yourself and your life choices. You might not be able to be happy in your relationship right now because you lack the self-esteem to truly trust yourself and your choices. This relationship may or may not be the right one for you, but what you really need to work on right now is yourself, then figure out the future.

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