Post # 1
So DH has this coworker that I really really do not like. This is the coworker that wanted to go and get a private stripper for DH in his hotel room because he told DH he just had his first child and needed that night of fun. So long story short, I really don’t like this coworker. What happily married man would say that and require a private stripper as fun?
Well I put the caput on that and everything has gone along smoothly until last night when DH mentioned that he wanted to go on a guys weekend with this coworker and a bunch of his friends. I want to state that I have no problem with DH going out at all. But driving to a different state (A state that is well known for strip clubs) with a group of guys that DH and I both don’t know besides his shady coworker is really not settling well with me.
DH doesn’t really have many friends out here… we have moved several times for different jobs and he doesn’t have that many friends. I feel really bad because I totally want him to go and make friends but I just wish they would go do normal guy things ie poker at someones house, local bars etc. Not weekend long party trips with people I don’t know.
I trust DH. I really do. However, he sometimes can’t handle his liquor and overdoes it and I don’t really trust these guys to take care of him or anything. I also don’t really feel like he will hold his ground and say no to the strip clubs after drinking a lot.
So bees, what do I do? Am I being irrational? I know I should let him go but I just don’t think a married man should be partaking in that kinds of behavior still. Thoughts?
Post # 3
If you trust your husband, then where is the problem with the stripper? I totally get the, “I don’t want him looking at half naked women”, but aside from looking, nothing will happen if your husband is true, and if the stripper is of any moral character (Hint: Most of them are.)
While it may not be the idea, if your husband wants to go, I’d voice my concerns but I would ultimately let him go.
Post # 4
I think your husband needs to grow up and start learning what kind of people make decent friends. His coworker is a sleazebag.
Post # 5
If you have a problem with him going he should respect that. You don’t have to be forced to accept him looking at other half naked women just to make him happy, he can have time with the guys in town WITHOUT strippers
Post # 6
If your husbands co-worker is the type of man who feels the need to have a private stripper entertain him in a hotel room I wouldn’t trust him. A woman can have the utmost trust in her husband not to do anything that would jeopordize his marriage when he’s sober but when you add alcohol a persons inhibitions are lowered. I’ve known people to do things when they drink that they normally wouldn’t do. How many of us see the dance floor fill up when people have a few drinks? or a guy needs a couple of drinks to loosen up before he’d approach a girl?
I’m not implying your husband will do anything to hurt you but why would he even consider putting himself in a situation that obviously makes you feel uncomfortable. We all need to have fun, make new friends but to me my husbands feelings are way more important than any of my friends.
Post # 7
This. While I have no issues with strip clubs, he should respect your wishes. I don’t think you two are on the same page on what is considered acceptable in your relationship.
Post # 8
@Hyperventilate: A stripper in a strip club is nothing like a “private stripper” in a hotel room and apparently this married co-worker seems to think this is perfectly ok. I wouldn’t doubt he’d want to hire one.
Post # 9
@Ill Be Mrs B: How so? Do you think she’s going to try to have sex with your husband or the other guests? I doubt that, truthfully, but a stripper is a stripper is a stripper. She’s paid to take her clothes off and dance for people. A private stripper may be a bit more intimate than she could be in a strip club, but still, at the end of the day, she’s just taking her clothes off for your husband.
If you’re afraid she’s going to try to sleep with him, your trust in your husband denying her should back that up.
Post # 10
Just because I trust my husband not to have sex with some skanky stripper doesn’t mean I want him in a private hotel room or strip club with her. I think there is give and take in a relationship and when one half feels really strongly about a subject (like strippers) then there needs to be enough respect to go with that, it isn’t like she suggests barring him from ever doing anything with guy friends but a drunken stripper weekend away isn’t something she is okay with and I think as a SO he needs to respect that. Suggest other activities, or make Vetter friends!
Post # 11
@Hyperventilate: It isn’t really the strippers that bothers me as much as DH going with a coworker that has already showed some of his true colors and all of the coworkers friends. I’m not saying that every friend is going to be like said coworker but I’m not keen on the idea of DH going for a boys weekend get away with them.
For the record, I’ve met DH’s coworker twice. They don’t hang out and after the whole bachelor party thing, I really had a bad feeling about him. It would be one thing if I knew the people he was going with but I don’t… I don’t even really know the coworker except for the fact that he must really like strippers. It is just weird to me that DH wants to go away with a group of strangers.
He is lonely. I get it. I want him to make friends. But good ones. Not douchy mc sleezerson and his friends.
Post # 12
@Jamergurl921: You said it right there at the end…he’s lonely and wants some guy-friend time. Most of us can empathize with wanting something so badly that we get a little blinded. Unfortunately, you can’t be the one to pick and choose his friends for him. I say this as tough love, not as snark – your DH is a big boy and should be trusted to figure it out on his own. Hopefully, the coworker’s friends aren’t as douchy as he is, but the catch-22 is that his gateway to them is the coworker. At least for now. If they’re all immature, dbags then he’ll either drop them or be so desperate for guy companionship that he’ll put up with it for a while.
I’m all on my own out here with FI. This is his hometown, and since I don’t have a job, I don’t get out too much or find many opportunities to find like-minded women to pal up to. When we first got engaged, I seriously considered asking FSIL to shop for dresses with me until I remembered that she’s not very nice on top of being incredibly high maintenance, so believe me, I understand what he’s feeling. IMO, share your reservations with your DH but leave it at that.
Post # 13
What is the purpose of the trip? You don’t go on an interstate trip with no plan at all. If it’s to see someone in particular in concert, then fine. If it’s camping, fine. If it’s just to hit the bars (let alone the strip clubs), not fine. Because married men don’t need to go bar hopping, in my book. Especially since you say DH has a habit of not holding his liquor well.
So get DH to find out what they plan on doing on the trip, then take it from there.
Post # 14
@Jamergurl921: I would definitely voice your concern to your husband. I agree with Paula1248, married men don’t need to be going to strip clubs for entertainment. Honestly I’d be worried that these co-worker’s friends are going to be like-minded in their fondness for strippers. Maybe you could compromise and host a poker night or game night at your house? Have him invite these guys over, so that he can have some guy time in a safe, calm setting.
Post # 15
Thanks for all your input bees! I have already voiced my concerns and honestly I’m not going to make it be my decision. If he decides to go regardless of my feelings well then that is his decision. I don’t want to be the one to tell him he can’t go but I just really hope he realizes how terrible this coworker is.
My DH is a good man. I trust him completely but I really do not like this coworker. I just wish he could go find normal guy friends.
I think he just doesn’t see things the way I do. I just bought both of us tickets back to the town where both of my best friends live. Every other year it was just me going – it was a girls weekend. But now that I’m married, I’ve included him. I didn’t even think about it. There is no need for a girls crazy weekend anymore. I know it would have hurt his feelings to not be invited. I just don’t think he is on the same wavelength as me. Hopefully he will see where I’m coming from.