(Closed) Bees, I really need some advice (and to Vent). Am I being a Zilla?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yes I think it is sort of silly for her to think that no one will be doing anything the day before your wedding.  I can understand her thought process that everyone will be there but that doesn’t mean that it would be a good idea.

Her husband might be able to help if he is on your side but if he isn’t, he might not convince her against it.

Post # 4
Member
4110 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think the fact that she’s taking advantage of all the family being in town is smart, not selfish. It would be nice if she had it at least a few days before or sometime after- maybe you could nicely suggest that?

Post # 5
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree, the day after would be a great idea, we through my little nephew a first birthday party the day after our wedding, can u suggest that?

Post # 6
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would throw a FIT!!! That day is going to be soooo busy!!  That sounds like someone just trying to steal the spotlight.  Everyone being in town???  That seems a little odd to me.  If you weren’t getting married, would she still be inviting out of town guests??  To a baby party?  I would think people out of state generally wouldn’t get an invite to something like that….but maybe it’s because I don’t understand what is meant by party for the baby.  I know people throw showers before, and celebrate birthdays after, but if this is just some random, look at my baby, party, then huh????  I would speak with her, but letting her brother say something might work better.

Post # 7
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

Oh hell no. She is in the wrong here. Don’t you have a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that day. I consider the day before the wedding and the day of the wedding to be your time. I know everyone says you only get a day, but with rehearsal dinners and rehearsals really you kind of get two days. I agree with the other poster, have your FI tell her to throw it the day after your wedding. I would also be upset

Post # 8
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

A party for the baby? Why? It’s going to be 3 months old. So it’s basically a “come look at my baby and bring me more presents since we’re all here party”? I’ve never heard of someone having a party AFTER the baby is born. Will she be bringing the baby to the wedding? If the party is so people can see the baby, can’t they just see it then? Or during the rehearsal stuff? I’d be pissed too. You should definitely have your FI talk to her or her husband about it.

Post # 9
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  That is tricky! A friend of mine was in a similar situation, except her FBIL and FSIL got their child baptized the day after the wedding. They weren’t very happy at all.

  Could you approach it from the angle that you’re going to be super busy getting ready, as will other people, so you’d be concerned that close family may not be able to make that day?

  I do not think you’re being a bridezilla, by the way. I feel like the bridal couple definitely “get” the rehearsal dinner and wedding ceremony day, too (maybe even the day after, because you need some time to kick back!).

Post # 10
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@ejay15:  +1

FI should confront her since she’s his sister.

Post # 11
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

1. the random party doesn’t make sense to me at all and 2. not sure how much extended family would actually be there the day before.

I would think a party on the day after the wedding would mean more extended family would be in town? And if you are doing a day-after brunch and inviting the extended family to it, maybe you could talk to her about that would be a time the extended family can meet the baby and no additional party is needed…?

Post # 12
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think it’s selfish, I think she is just totally out of touch with reality.  The only way it would work is if she can plan it around a nice long lunch break for the family that is helping out with the wedding, then that is okay.  And keep it short (like 1.5 hours).  Dress rehearsal at 4pm and then dinner.  Will that work?

NNNNOOOOOOO on the ‘one big party’.  WTF?  That shouldn’t even be a thought.  You get your day (or at least afternoon and evening).

If the logistics don’t work, sorry prego, find a new day.

Post # 13
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ejay15:  This is exactly what I was thinking. The BABY SHOWER is the baby party, ffs, she can’t have both. If she wants people to see the baby, people can see the baby, but to throw ANOTHER party the day BEFORE your wedding when people will be really busy, is ridiculous and selfish. I do agree that capitalizing on people being in town is a great idea, but just bring the kid places with you! 

Your FI needs to talk to his sister.

Post # 14
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

EEek, I missed that the baby would already be born.  Um, no.  They can meet the kid at the after-wedding brunch or the wedding but she doesn’t need an add’l party.

Post # 15
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What about suggesting doing an after wedding brunch or something. Tell her that you would love nothing more than to be there for her party, but you know deep down in your heart you are going to be stressed with things that need to be done and would rather not bring down the party with your and your FI’s, and possibly other members helping out with the wedding absence. Plus you’d love to be able to enjoy seeing your new niece or nephew.

 

But I do agree she is being selfish.

Post # 16
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Day before your wedding is bitchy.

Day after your wedding is not.

 

ETA Same day as your wedding is cage match throwdown, but I can’t imagine she’d be that stupid.

The topic ‘Bees, I really need some advice (and to Vent). Am I being a Zilla?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors