Bees, I'm at a loss

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  I’m so sorry about this, losing someone to suicide is incredibly painful to process. I’ve dealt with this pain before and found that learning more about it and why it happens helped me. The number one thing your husband should know is that its not his fault in any way and there’s nothing he could have done to prevent it, I found it hard to understand that there was nothing I could’ve done differently, and once I internalized that it became easier to understand and cope with.

Post # 5
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m so sorry. I just lost a classmate the same way and it’s never easy 🙁

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry to hear this. But sadly, quite often there are no signs that anyone can pick up on and your DH mustn’t feel guilty. This is easier to say than do because the awful thing about suicide is the guilt that it leaves behind. It is hard enough to cope with an untimely death without that nagging voice in your head that says “But surely I could have done something?”.

Sadly, you rarely can because anyone determined to take their own life does so with an awful efficiency and rarely lets who might be able to prevent them know about their plans.

We lost a good friend last week. He walked in front of a train early one morning. He was well loved and surrounded by many caring people. Nobody, but nobody, knew his plans. But his death leaves more questions than answers. 

Your DH will feel terrible. It is normal. But he needs to remind himself that he could not have read this student’s mind and that for sure, he must feel no sense of responsibility. That lies with the boy who died. 

Post # 7
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

That is so sad. I’m so sorry 🙁

Post # 8
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Although it is easier said than done, your DH needs to know that he should not blame himself. I think for some reason it is natrual for us to blame ourselves and feel guilty for wondering how we couldn’t have seen what was going on, or how we couldn’t have stopped it.

It took me YEARS to finally accept that I was not responsible in some way when one of my best friends took her own life. I kept thinking that I should have seen that she was ill, or that something I had said or done had caused her to want to take her own life.

I am so sorry for your DH and everyone else who is suffering through this loss. At this time, all you can do is be there to offer a listening ear if and when your DH needs to talk about it.

Post # 9
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  I am so sorry to hear this. What a tragic situation. 

I lost a cousin to suicide, and there were no signs at all that it was coming. It doesn’t matter how well you know someone, people can be really good at hiding such intentions, and as a result, it’s impossible for anyone to step in and stop it. I hope your husband can realise that there was nothing he could have done, especially if his student wasn’t showing any signs. It will be hard for him right now because it’s such an awful, unexpected shock. Your husband may want to talk about it, and he may not, but I’m sure he knows you are there if he wants to open up.

Post # 12
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

i am so sorry to hear about this. it is always so hard when something tragic like this happens. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and his student’s family.

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  I’m so sorry this happened. Let your husband grieve and heal, which I hope happens very soon. Thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Post # 15
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

🙁 I’ve had two friends take their own lives and I will always miss them. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Post # 16
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry for the loss. So devastating. 

I know it doesn’t make it go away, but it’s important to realize that most people kill themselves in a period when they start feeling better. A highschool classmate of mine killed himself and everyone was stunned because although many knew he struggled with mental health issues, he seemed so happy and like he was doing so much better up until his death.  It’s very sad, but it’s important not to blame ourselves because in reality there was very little if anything anyone could have done to help.

 

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