Post # 1
Bees, I don’t know what say or do right now.
My husband and I were at dinner last night with some of our friends when DH got a call from a number he didn’t know. He answered it, and after a minute I hear him say “WHAT!?”. I know that “what”. Someone died. After another minute or two he hung up the phone. One of his students passed away. He killed himself. This was a kid who has been working with my husband almost every day this summer. He graduated in June. He had plans for next year. No signs of depression, nothing. He’s gone. My husband is so frustrated that he didn’t reach out to him or even show the slightest sign that he was struggling with anything. They worked one-on-one together five days a week this whole summer, and talked about everything there was to talk about. He feels like he is usually good about reading people and picking up on little things so he was so caught off guard with this news.
My husband has never had anyone close to him die, especially someone young. I, on the other hand, have had numerous friends and family members die of natural causes, suicides, freak accidents, you name it. I don’t know what to do or say. I’m so, so sad right now. I know my husband is hurting, but he’s one of those guys that won’t cry in front of other people. He won’t talk about it. The kid’s mom called him a couple of hours ago to break the news to him because she knew they were close, and she couldn’t even get the words out. He was her only child. She isn’t married. Now she has no one. My heart is absolutely broken for her. My mind is so jumbled right now I can’t even think straight.
I don’t really know what the point of this post was. I just needed to vent.
Post # 3
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I am so sorry to all for this loss.
Post # 4
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I’m so sorry about this, losing someone to suicide is incredibly painful to process. I’ve dealt with this pain before and found that learning more about it and why it happens helped me. The number one thing your husband should know is that its not his fault in any way and there’s nothing he could have done to prevent it, I found it hard to understand that there was nothing I could’ve done differently, and once I internalized that it became easier to understand and cope with.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry. I just lost a classmate the same way and it’s never easy 🙁
Post # 6
I’m so sorry to hear this. But sadly, quite often there are no signs that anyone can pick up on and your DH mustn’t feel guilty. This is easier to say than do because the awful thing about suicide is the guilt that it leaves behind. It is hard enough to cope with an untimely death without that nagging voice in your head that says “But surely I could have done something?”.
Sadly, you rarely can because anyone determined to take their own life does so with an awful efficiency and rarely lets who might be able to prevent them know about their plans.
We lost a good friend last week. He walked in front of a train early one morning. He was well loved and surrounded by many caring people. Nobody, but nobody, knew his plans. But his death leaves more questions than answers.
Your DH will feel terrible. It is normal. But he needs to remind himself that he could not have read this student’s mind and that for sure, he must feel no sense of responsibility. That lies with the boy who died.
Post # 7
That is so sad. I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 8
Although it is easier said than done, your DH needs to know that he should not blame himself. I think for some reason it is natrual for us to blame ourselves and feel guilty for wondering how we couldn’t have seen what was going on, or how we couldn’t have stopped it.
It took me YEARS to finally accept that I was not responsible in some way when one of my best friends took her own life. I kept thinking that I should have seen that she was ill, or that something I had said or done had caused her to want to take her own life.
I am so sorry for your DH and everyone else who is suffering through this loss. At this time, all you can do is be there to offer a listening ear if and when your DH needs to talk about it.
Post # 9
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I am so sorry to hear this. What a tragic situation.
I lost a cousin to suicide, and there were no signs at all that it was coming. It doesn’t matter how well you know someone, people can be really good at hiding such intentions, and as a result, it’s impossible for anyone to step in and stop it. I hope your husband can realise that there was nothing he could have done, especially if his student wasn’t showing any signs. It will be hard for him right now because it’s such an awful, unexpected shock. Your husband may want to talk about it, and he may not, but I’m sure he knows you are there if he wants to open up.
Post # 10
@creativeplannertobee: Thank you
@KC-2722: I know, It’s hard to communicate that to him right now. I feel so bad that there isn’t much I can do to make him feel better right now. I hate seeing him hurt =(
@Laurenplusalex: I’m sorry to hear about your classmate. It’s so painful
@Steampunkbride: Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Walking in front of a train? I can’t imagine. I’ve been in a really dark place before, and I was fortunate enough to have people help me get the help I needed and point me in the right direction. Luckily DH doesn’t feel responsible by any means. He is just so sad.
@legenwaitforitdary: Thank you
@urchin: Thankfully DH does not blame himself, but of course he is playing the neverending “what if” game.
I’m so appreciative of the support ladies. I have attended so many freaking funerals in the past five years for people under the age of 23 years old. He was only 18. I am not looking forward to saying goodbye.
Post # 11
@Deejayelle: I’m sorry to hear about your cousin. Suicide is so frustrating. It’s so easy to be angry at the person, but at the same time they must have just felt so helpless. My brother intentionally overdosed in 2008 after finding his girlfriend dead in a bathroom. I’m still angry at him, but I can’t imagine what he was feeling at the time. And like you said, blaming yourself gets you nowhere. Augh.
It doesn’t help that today is the nastiest, gloomiest day we have had all summer. I want to leave work and curl up in a ball under a blanket for the rest of the day.
Post # 12
i am so sorry to hear about this. it is always so hard when something tragic like this happens. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and his student’s family.
Post # 13
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I’m so sorry this happened. Let your husband grieve and heal, which I hope happens very soon. Thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Post # 14
Thank you ladies. I appreciate the kind words and will be sure to pass them on
Post # 15
🙁 I’ve had two friends take their own lives and I will always miss them. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry for the loss. So devastating.
I know it doesn’t make it go away, but it’s important to realize that most people kill themselves in a period when they start feeling better. A highschool classmate of mine killed himself and everyone was stunned because although many knew he struggled with mental health issues, he seemed so happy and like he was doing so much better up until his death. It’s very sad, but it’s important not to blame ourselves because in reality there was very little if anything anyone could have done to help.