Post # 1
A little back story-
For the first year of DH’s and I’s relationship we were very casual and never actually called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. We saw each other every day and I practically lived with him, but we just never made it “official”. We finally made it “official” in November of 2008. Well, February of 2009 Darling Husband had a little confession he had to make. For the first year while we were dating he had another girlfriend!! I freaked. We almost broke up. It was not a good situation, and it took a long time for him to regain my trust.
My Mother-In-Law and SIL have stayed friends with his former Girlfriend. I’ve always thought it was a bit strange, but I’ve never felt that it was my place to say anything.
What am I freaking out about? SIL’s baby shower is next month. I’m cohosting with my Mother-In-Law. I found out last night that his ex Girlfriend will be there. I am so incredibly uncomfortable with this whole thing!! I didn’t even know they were dating while we were together that first year, but I sincerely doubt that she knows that. This is going to be sooo awkward!
I don’t really know what I’m trying to accomplish with this post, but I just really needed to vent. There’s not really anyone else I can talk to about this!
Post # 3
I’d be super uncomfortable too…. but focus on the fact that he chose you, and you’re the one going home to him after the shower, not her! Do you best to be pleasant to her, but try to leave some space at the shower!
Post # 4
@abbie017: +1, Abbie is wise 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Yeah, I’d definitely feel a little awkward about the situation. However, since so much time has passed I would also try and stop looking at her as your DH’s EX and start thinking of her as SIL’s friend. Maybe easier said than done. I’m sure though at a shower there will be plenty of other people there to keep you occupied.
Post # 6
@Brideonabudgetlauren: That is soooo awkward. Would it help to remind yourself that lots of other women have been in similar positions and made it through? Just focus heartily on other people at the shower, including your SIL and Mother-In-Law. Make sure you are REALLY busy during the shower. Clean all the things! Bring people drinks! Make sure everyone has food!
Post # 7
Ouch, that must have hurt pretty badly. I can understand why you’d be uncomfortable with it. Do your Mother-In-Law and SIL know about the history with this woman? It’s hard to believe they’d invite her if they did.
Is this other woman aware of what happened between her, you and your husband?
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice ladies. I will DEFINITELY be staying busy and keeping my space. My best friend should be at the shower too, and she has met this woman in the past so she should be a huge support!
@solidarity: Yes, Mother-In-Law and SIL both know what happened, which is why it bothers me that they continue to stay friends with her. Whenever DH’s grandma comes in to town she always makes it a point to visit her. It’s really strange.
The other woman is aware. Apparently Darling Husband sucks at breaking up with people because he only told her they were “on a break”, but she saw pictures of us on a trip we took! I feel absolutely horrible about the whole situation =(
LUCKILY Darling Husband and I are leaving for our first anniversary trip/late honeymoon immediately after the shower, so at least I will have something to look forward to (After I punch him in the face)
Post # 9
that’s pretty awkward, but if you and Darling Husband have made peace with it (which I assume you have if he’s your DH) jus try and focus on the positive.
I have to deal with this every so often too. I dated a guy, rather briefly, who is a friend of my now FH who married a girl I know (who used to live with guy so knows all about me and him) This couple is good friends with one of FH’s best friends so every now and then the 6 of us end up getting together which is INCREDIBLY awkward for me, I have no idea how anyone else feels (even though FH knows about this, he refuses to discuss my past relationships which is fine with me). I just smile and be as friendly as I can – the whole time on the inside I’m squirming and feeling very uncomfortable.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I would avoid her (she is probably going to avoid you.) If she does want to chat, avoid talking about your Darling Husband and have a safe exit strategy in place. A good safe exit strategy would be to have a friend/family member at the shower keep an eye out for the ex and call you over to help them out or discuss something important should the ex corner you.
Post # 11
Oooh… That is HELLA awkward. Make sure there’s champagne or wine or some kind of booze punch, and make sure you’ve had one before the party!
Post # 12
@Brideonabudgetlauren: The only thing you can really do is smile and be sure to sure your story with other happy to be non-commital gals that it could happen to them.
Post # 13
@BrandNewBride: Yes, I second the booze!
That is pretty weird about your inlaws keeping in touch with this woman. How long did she and your husband date?? Is that the only connection she has to his family?
Also, why hasn’t your husband asked this woman to stay out of his life, including his family? Is this woman now married or otherwise attached?
Post # 14
@Brideonabudgetlauren: Your post literally made my jaw drop. I can’t even describe the level of fury I would have. “Official” or not, we are all supposed to have moral standards and we shouldn’t be putting our partner at risk by sleeping with someone else and not telling them (sorry for assuming you were sexually active if you weren’t). The fact that he could live two lives comfortably and lie by omission just makes me sick.
And now you are expected to have the person he was “cheating” on you with in your social circle? His family needs to decide where their loyalities lie. If he was comfortable leading a double life before, I sure as hell wouldn’t want that girl to still be around. You are much more forgiving than I am though – I would have walked away and never looked back.
I am actually outraged for you! But to try and answer your question better, if she goes I wouldn’t go. They don’t have children together (I assume) and there is no need for her to still be in the picture. Hasn’t she moved on? I’m not all buddy buddy with my ex’s family and we were together 10 years. People break up and everyone moves on, including the family!
ETA: she obviously got close to the family when they were dating…did you as well or was she the only one he brought around? It’s troubling his family wouldn’t care he had 2 girlfriends…I literally can’t believe how many bees are like, oh, it’s okay, just make it work. SERIOUSLY?! Why should she have to?! OP, you married him and you should not be having to deal with this at all.
Post # 15
@MsGinkgo: I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Thank goodness this is the first time I’ve ever had to be in the same room as her! They tried to get us to go watch fireworks at this chick’s condo complex last year (apparently there’s a really good view from her yard), and even though she was out of town I wouldn’t go.
@beachbride1216: Good call on the exit strategy! My friend that will be there will be the only one I can ask to keep an eye out. I hope she’s able to be on time. She has another shower to attend that day.
Post # 16
Ough, been there! I dated a guy for six months (never called each other bf/gf), but I was only dating him, while he was dating around and I didn’t realize! Goes to show, you have to state that you want to be official, no one just assumes it 🙁