Bees, I'm officially insane. Talk me down!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

maybe she can sense your upsetness.. on maaaaybe you are being a little sensitive to the things she is saying to you.. i only say this becuase my mom was a total jerk the entire wedding planning process and EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING she said to me i took as  her being being rude as F… maybe she was maybe she wasnt, it just didnt matter, i felt like she had it in for my wedding.. 

Anyway, one way that I try and reign myself in when i get to a place like you are, is put myself in thier position, and take myself completely out of it.. In your case i would try and remember that it is her wedding and she probably just wants to have a beautiful day where everything is about her, and no one is comparing her to your destination wedding (which she probably feels threatened by).. She is marrying the love of her life and it doesnt need to be about anything other than that..

hope that helps :/

Post # 5
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@QueenOfSerendip:  get all that anger out and then just let it go. You can only control how you let it get to you. Quit looking at her registry/fb. And just kill her with kindness. There is no competing. Wish her well on her day and be done with it. If she continues to be rude do not include her in your life. I’m sorry you are going through this. We all need to be talked down at some point in life, don’t be too hard on yourself 🙂

Post # 8
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@QueenOfSerendip:  Drink.

That’s really my only advice.  Thankfully my SIL didn’t try to compete with our wedding (since, duh, ours was way better) but the whole fact that they got married two weeks before us for the 3rd time was so annoying.  And I was so pissy at their “wedding” because it was all fake and they made me sit away from my husband (then fiance) and not even with my in-laws or anyone else I knew – her college friends who are also Asian models (which is not a dig, I’m just a fat white girl, so we have nothing in common, including language).  So I got rip-roaring drunk and had a great time.  Just don’t be an ugly drunk and let it all out, have fun and just party at their expense.  Party hard. 

ETA:  Also be nice.  Alcohol will only get you through the social interactions.  You have to learn to live with her.  I’ve actually grown a lot closer to my SIL and BIL since then. 

Post # 9
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@QueenOfSerendip:  You just have to make the choice NOT to care. If that means telling yourself 15 times a day “she’s an idiot and I’m better”, I’d suggest that tactic.

Post # 10
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@QueenOfSerendip:  She made you resent her. What you are feeling is normal, but you should occupy yourself with other things. Find something to get into. A hobby, maybe. Read a book. Watch something on Netflix.

Every time you feel like looking at her fb or her registry, go do something else instead. Plan a badass anniversary trip or party.

She is wanting this reaction out of you. She will eat up every miserable little look on your face during the wedding. Do not let her one up you. Smile, be at ease, and think about the fact that you are having a good time on HER dime. With the way she treats you she is probably day dreaming about how zomg jealous you will be! Don’t give her that.

Post # 11
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I totally agree – kill them with kindness. 

I understand just going crazy and being so irrational sometimes when someone gets on your nerves. You can see yourself doing crazy things – and you just can’t stop it!

Just think – after the wedding, it is easier to  spend less time with any family that can be toxic to you. 

She’s probably stressed about her own wedding and not quite herself anyways. The wedding is just one day – just enjoy the food and the party. 

You’re not crazy. Weddings just make everyone a little crazy. 

Post # 13
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Kandiss16:  +1. I am being forced to go to SIL’s wedding next Sat and I’m upset because she didn’t bother to show up to her brother’s wedding but we would be considered as being spiteful for not showing up to her wedding 🙁 I think I’m going to fake a headache so we can leave early and watch our wedding video (for the first time) we will be picking up that day. NOTE: her wedding is over 2 hours away and starts at 6pm so we don’t wanna stay too late anyway because of the drive back.


Post # 14
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

Run it releases endorphins, then punch a punching bag, the do pilates to calm down.

Post # 15
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@QueenOfSerendip:  Vodka cranberry.  Can’t believe I didn’t get sick, but I have no idea how many of those I had at their “wedding.”  I’m sure everyone has some good stories about what a fool I was, but I remember just having a great time! 

Now I’m more likely to have a glass (or more) of wine, but that’s bad for the hangover.  I was good after breakfast that weekend.  And you know it was good when you show up for breakfast and 6 people ask you “So… how you feeling?”

Post # 16
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@QueenOfSerendip:  Just want to tell you that you aren’t alone!!!  It’s exhausting!!

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