Bees, please help me am I losing it? (potential past cheating..LONG)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


willow_1960:  Just reading your past threads, you need to be careful or your obsession with the past is going to ruin your relationship. You have posted about being insecure about an “ex crush” and now you are nagging him about something that has no bearing on your relationship as it stands. You need to stop asking him about previous flings and his romantic past. You have an unhealthy obsession with it and nagging him repeatedly the way you are isn’t going to end well. No one can keep up that kind of relationship and if I were him, im sorry but I already would have walked away.

Insecurity has nothing to do with him or his past, it has to do with you. Have you considered talking to a counselor about your fixations with stuff like this? it’s not healthy to consume yourself with stuff like this. Stop asking him about this past cheating that may or may not happened. Stop making this about honesty, it’s not. It’s about you just being unable to let things go. That’s your issue.

Please please drop this. Stop making him reassure you and stop making him have the same conversations over and over again.

It seems you already have it in your head what his answers should be and when it’s not that you convince yourself he’s just not being honest. You wont’ be satisfied until his answers match what you have already come up with in your head. And then what? then you will be obsessing over whether or not this past ONE time cheating incident will repeat itself in your own relationship when it could have been a stupid drunken one time mistake. Back off and figure out why you can’t mentally just relax.

Post # 3
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, sorry I only made it about 2/3 of the way through. You are putting way too much emphasis on whether he remembers something he may or may not have done awhile ago possibly while drunk (at a bar you said). I’m exhausted just reading it so imagine how this poor guy feels.

Post # 4
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

So you’re fighting with him over something he said about a past relationship, that you have “blurry” memory of? And the chick in question is the ex from 5 years ago?  In all honesty this is ridiculous.

Here’s why:


2: Has he cheated on you? Doesn’t like it. MOVE ON!

3: With your memory being as “vague” as you describe, how do you know you’re even remembering the truth?

It sounds like you’re looking for a problem and making an issue where there is none! Leave that man alone about this and go be happy somewhere!

Post # 5
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

willow_1960:  I don’t have a relationship status on my FB and neither does my husband… we’ve been a couple for almost 8 years. My husband hasn’t changed his profile picture since like 2007. How on earth does a status on some silly internet site even matter? I will never understand it.

Also, I know some bees will disagree with me, but I don’t see how every little detail of his past relationship (which sounds like it was a high school relationship) is your business. He’s done nothing wrong in your relationship and you’re grilling him like he’s some kind of criminal – rethink your approach here.

I would suggest some professional help to deal with your insecurity before you drive your guy away. You are creating problems where there are none.

Post # 7
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Let it go. Vent to friends if you feel like it’s appropriate. If that doesn’t help, see a therapist. I myself can get hung up on details, but if’s not fair to him to keep bringing it up and basically accusing him of lying. Cheating isn’t the problem – your lack of trust in him is. If you keep pushing this, you’re going to chase him away and become the crazy ex. Nobody wants that 🙂

Post # 9
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

willow_1960:  Why are you so obssessed with his past? You’re doing a damn good job of ruining the relationship if you keep bringing up this whole cheating on his ex thing. No one likes their dirty laundry aired out over and over again. If you don’t trust him, then don’t stay in the relationship. 

Post # 12
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

1) Anything that happened in past relationships has nothing to do with you.  Why even ask about it?  You’re only setting yourself up to be upset.

2)  If you’re fighting about f*cking Facebook, you’re not mature enough to continue this relationship.  Either of you.

Post # 14
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The ex is an ex for a reason.

If you keep acting like this you’ll wind up an ex too.

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