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After reading Mrs. Cherry Pie's budget post, I was wondering how the bees would feel about sharing their budget vs. actual after their wedding recaps. I realize that budget is an extremely personal thing, but I feel like after following the bees through their wedding journey and seeing the gorgeous photos (which make their weddings look like a million bucks) and to find out that it costs only a certain amount, I feel that much more inpsired! So how does the bees feel about posting their budget?
Which bees are you referring to? the hive? or the actual guest bloggers?
I think if someone wants to share, they share. Scattered across the boards, posters have posted what their bands cost, what they are spending on the caterer or the dj/band. So I don't know if you are asking for a cost breakdown all in one post and who you would want to see the price(s) from?
I will be honest -- I don't feel comfortable sharing how much we spent on our wedding, because money is such a personal thing to me. I hope that readers can still gain inspiration and ideas from our wedding without knowing exactly how much it cost us. I have mentioned how much certain things have cost -- my dress, our invitations, etc. -- but I don't feel comfortable doing a whole budget post.
Many brave bees have shared their budgets, though. There are links to a few here:
Unfortunately, I'm with Cupcake. I've gotten quite a few emails/private messages asking for cost details on certain items and I'm more than happy to give specifics in those situations. But I'm just not comfortable sharing a big breakdown of cost so publicly- I'm sorry!
I totally feel you guys and if I were the Bee, I don't know if I would post my budget either. But, I have to say, I do appreciate those who post their budgets because then I'm like WOW, they sure know how to spend their money well! For my wedding, I had spent the money differently because I think so many more personal touches could have been done. Thank you all for the inspiration either way!
Thre is no need to get personal and disclose your private personal expenses. This question of wedding expenses is important with the current recession. It has been adressed ad nauseum over the web and the consensus is that the average wedding in the USA cost about 30K in 2007, about 25K in 2008, and is projected to cost about 20K in 2009. A breakdown of average costs is listed here.
I fully understand why Bees wouldn't feel comfortable sharing their full wedding budget. I know my friends have no problem sharing "my band cost this or my photog cost this." But we never say my budget is X.
In that vein of thought, I have a question for the hive: why is there such a negative feeling attached to being honest about money? Especially how much you spend on your wedding. I feel there's a lot of judgment attached to spending "too much" versus lots of praise for spending a little. Why isn't there more of an understanding everyone comes from different backgrounds, with different expectations, budgets, family size, different costs in their region etc.
Regardless of what you spend, I really appreciate hearing from those that are willing to be honest.I think it is helpful to other brides. But i'll confess I'm still afraid to say my budget in fear of being judged...
I am always grateful when the Bees break down their wedding costs, and I really do think it can be helpful to others. I can fully understand why some do not want to share, though. Personally, I don't mind saying I probably spent around X amount of $ for everything, but I certainly do not want to break it down, simply for the fear of having heart palpitations. I stressed enough about money during the planning process...I just want to move on without having to re-live it! I think my situation was very much reflected in what Mrs. Cherry Pie went through, so I felt so much better reading her post.
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@ sarsk624
I agree with you as well. I feel like the "in" thing to do now is to have a budget wedding. Like it's so cool to have a wedding under 5K and it's frowned upon to have anything more than that. But there are SO many different circumstances.
Some brides have small families that all live in the same town. Some brides have huge families, that in and of itself plays a huge part in the wedding expensve. We are inviting close to 200 and that is ONLY aunts, uncles and first cousins. A couple of close friends and coworkers. I have a huge family and I'm the 2nd youngest on my side so almost all first cousins are married with at least 2 kids apiece. The head count really starts to add up.
And the biggest thing I notice that contributes to a wedding under 5K are those brides lucky enough to have photographers, bakers, DJs etc in their circle. Unfortunately alot of us aren't. Trust me if I knew some we would ask them!
Anyway, I think the important thing is that the couples do not get themselves into debt because of the wedding. But if they have the finances to do so and that's how they wish to spend it so be it.
I wouldn't mind showing what I actually spent on everything to an approximate. Just rounded off. I wouldn't nickle and dime everyone. I know I'm being savvy and frugal and not wasting my money, but if someone doesnt' like that I splurged on my photographer, well, it's not their money. Plus, it's OUR money, not our parents, so if I could save someone else some money by showing them how I managed to spend (for example) only $200 on all our flowers and bouquets, then no problem! It's not like I really know any of you anyways 
.
I know it's a private issue, but it wouldn't really bother me. I don't think i'd have that many categories anyways since I forgoed a lot of traditional wedding things like the videographer, etc, and it'd literally be "reception plus ceremony = $X" since our venue lumped it all together.
I'm already keeping a spreadsheet of what I spend so I know what we spent. Sometimes i buy something here and there out of my spreadsheet, but overall, I think I have a good idea within a few hundred bucks what it's costing us.
I know when I posted about my budget on the bee, I got a comment about how it was such a waste and that they hoped I would still be married in 5 years. Even though those comments are generally not the norm, the threat of them is enough to keep most people from posting about their budgets.
It is a shame that there is a stigma for spending a significant or even moderate amount on your wedding. But it all ties back to the disappointing notion that still in this day and age of the empowered and enlightened woman, we continue to knock each other down.
totally concur with sars, gerbera, and corn. it seems like there's a prevailing notion of "why are you spending so much money on one day? what a waste!" and, even if it's just an undercurrent, i find it hurtful enough not to want to share our budget with anybody. i don't blame any bees that feel the same way, although i'm grateful to the ones that do share cost breakdowns.
Our budget is right at $5K. We've had several things come in under budget and some things we didn't plan on. The only thing not included in that figure is my engagement ring-the rest is in there-food, my dress, wedding bands, church fees, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, etc.
I cringe when I watch those super expensive wedding shows (because it is not for me and it seems wasteful)
But one thing to remember that it is money being spent here in the US. It is creating jobs and incomes for families. If people want to guilt you out for spending your money how you want it, keep that in mind. I never thought I'd spend what it looks like I'm spending (over 30,000) and I'm keeping it simple. I live in an expensive area and we've invited about 190.
While you shouldn't send yourself into crazy debt, people buy more expensive cars all the time when a hyundai still gets you where your going the same way. People rarely make the same comments about that.
I also don't have friends to ask to do things. Plus I don't feel comfortable as I can afford to pay.
Also check the posts on Real Budgets that Mrs. Bee features every once in a while. Often, the bios of the week have budget information as well.
Besides general privacy, there can definitely be connotations with a budget that is considered to be too extravagant or too cheap (by what standards?!). You put yourself under some pressure and open yourself up to a lot of criticism by posting something as personal as a wedding budget.
I personally don't mind sharing mine with the blogging world/Weddingbee, but I would be horrified if any of my friends/family/guests found out how much we're spending. That's just too personal of information!
I haven't decided on if I'll post our budget, and obviously we have to wait until it's all over to do so. But I think it's also helpful when I see the "Real Budgets" feature, which anyone can do a recap with their budget in.
Corn is right about the threat of being flamed - it scares me!
I agree with concerns of others judging me on budget. I wonder if there is a way for people who interested to submit directly to Bee and she could share the budgets "blind" that might be really helpful for others! I think that people who have more expensive weddings are less comfortable talking about in here on WB because people can be a bit judgemental if it is more than they think is appropriate.
I can see why a lot of people might be uncomfortable sharing their budget numbers - sometimes people can be so judgemental. It's really to bad that people can be so rude because all of the Real Budgets features have been really helpful for me to see. We're on a strict no-wiggle room budget of about 6k and I like to see, realistically, how much people pull things off for. Before getting engaged my wedding knowledge was zilch, and I had no idea how much things would cost. I like getting a real world breakdown of someone else's. That said, I certainly don't think people should feel pressured to share.
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Unfortunately, I am with Cupcake and Tiramisu. I would love, love to share a breakdown of our actual wedding costs with Weddingbee readers -- I know that seeing the actual really helped me -- but I don't feel comfortable opening myself up for criticism on the subject. It’s just too personal.
Unlike Cherry Pie's budget post, Corn's post did get a very hateful comment. Mr. Cookie and I even got criticism before our wedding from a guest who point blank told me that she hoped, “I didn’t regret spending so much money on one day.” I don’t, for a second, regret how much money we spent, but I think the stigma surrounding money forces many bees, including myself, to not share on Weddingbee. It’s so sad
However, I am more than willing to share a particular wedding cost if someone PM’s me.
Personally, I don't see the point in spending a lot of money on "one day" and our wedding won't cost that much, but that's for MY wedding. If someone else wants to spend a lot more than me, that's THEIR wedding and they are within their right to do so without any judgment from me. We all have different circumstances and different images of what the perfect wedding is for each of us.
For me, it's a simple, family-friendly affair and I wouldn't want a formal, adult-only affair even if I had the money for it. For a lot of brides, it's the complete opposite. It's no different than me preferring peonies over roses - I don't care if another bride prefers roses and it doesn't make either one of our choices "better." No wedding is better based on its budget and weddings should never be compared, nor judged for the bride's decision. I admit I cringe at the Platinum Weddings budgets, but that's that bride's wedding and it's her vision of what her big day will be like. Even if it's not a vision I share, I respect her right to have the wedding she desires.
I think budget weddings are really, really recently becoming popular. It wasn't too long ago that my $7,000 wedding would have been judged for being too cheap, too casual, by a lot of women. Heck, I'm sure some still judge it for its low price tag. Of course now, due to the economy, we're seeing big-ticket weddings getting judged. It seems we'll never win ;).
Mrs. Cookie: Ugh! How awful! You should have told her that you would have come in under budget if one less person had RSVPd "yes" and that you hoped you didn't regret inviting her ;-)
Real budgets are so helpful, but I can't blame any of the Bees for not wanting to open themselves up to that kind of nastiness. I wish there was less stigma attached to budgets and money in general -- if someone doesn't agree that what you're paying for is important, they can be really judgmental. When I was 18, I decided to go out of state to a small private college, and I was on the receiving end of delightful comments like "gee, I wish I had rich parents" or "wow, guess you and your family will be eating ramen for the next 40 years while you pay off those loans. I hope it's worth it." (My parents aren't rich. I actually had a scholarship and my college cost my parents practically nothing.) There were plenty of people around me who didn't see any value in attending a private college and felt perfectly comfortable being horrible to me because I made a different choice that they assumed cost more money.
I concur with alot of the comments already posted. While I loved Mrs. Cherry Pie's budget breakdown post, I think it's fine for the Bees NOT to feel obligated to post their budgets. Money and how we spend it are personal. While I may want to spend a ton on something, you may feel otherwise. Also I think many underestimate the power of regional differences/ city vs. rural/suburban areas and how other factors can affect budgets.
In these economic times, I think that it is helpful to know how we can all get our monies worth. Perhaps with all of the interest in budgets, maybe we should ask for an increase in the Real Budgets posts? Mrs./Mr. Bee, if you're reading, is this something that could happen going forward?
I can understand those not wanting to share -- people can be mean, judgmental and so on. So, no one should be forced to do so.
They are really helpful to see, though. Unless you are familiar with a lot of budgets and figures, it's really hard to know if you're getting ripped off when vendors come back with inflated prices. It can also be really helpful when you're setting your own initial budget. I think part of the reason so many of us end up way over our budgets is because we don't always have realistic expectations going in, and finding the necessary information in order to get a sense of overall cost is really difficult. "Average" figures are generally unhelpful. Seeing lots of realistic budgets (and their end results) can make us educated consumers and planners. You've really got to do some digging to find a price tag in the wedding world, but it doesn't have to be that way.
The other bonus is that if more of this information is out there (not just on weddingbee, but in general) we may not have to take such flak for our budgets. How many times have we had to justify ourselves by saying, "but this is what it costs" to people who think we've being too extravagant. If it's easier to make comparisons, we may get to spend less time justifying ourselves to judgmental people.
Added bonus: it's usually the case that the easier it becomes for people to make cost-comparisons, the lower prices get. For instance insurance premiums took a dive after internet use became more common. You didn't have to contract various compnaies and wait for a response, you could just shop online and make your comparisons in a matter of minutes, and as a result, pricing became very competitive. The more open people are about wedding costs, the more likely this is to occur in the wedding industry.
I agree with MelissaB - a wedding costs what it costs, and that depends on the amount and how many people are willing to contribute, and it is really no one's business. It is interesting to see it though, when you've followed a wedding in the planning stages, so that you can see what you can get for the price, I guess. But, it's not worth opening yourself up to negative comments from people.
If anyone is truly interested in comparing numbers they are getting from vendors as opposed to other brides in your area. I think this point is important because different things cost differently in different regions.
Checkout www.costhelper.com they have a Weddings Section that tells you the low, medium, high average of certain wedding costs. And I do believe it's by region. ETA: I take that back. It's not by region. But it does have some good information about unconventional places to look for vendors and what the prices should include, etc.
And honestly, the internet is a wealth of information for this. Google. 
I guess I feel like budget is an intensely personal issue. I think it's great if people spend $30,000 or $2,000 as long as they can afford it and *they* are happy with the outcome.
I heard a great piece on NPR last night out of Boston, where they discussed the resurgence of the budget wedding. The one place where the segment broke down was when they characterized that you are either "Bridezilla" or "Crafty DIY budget bride". It's unfortunate that things have to get so oversimplified in the media.
I think some people would consider our wedding "budget" and some would consider it extravagant. For me, it was important to be able to pay for everything outright, and to avoid wedding industrial complex as much as possible. So far, we're happy with our choices and we hope it will come out looking ok.
Totally agree with Doctorgirl. Our budget is $22,000 (probably closer to 30 when you add in purchases we've made with our regular income and not wedding savings). We're having a plated dinner at our reception in a Chicago suburb for 150 people. Some people might think 22,000 is a lot of money, but I think we're doing pretty well considering the prices in this area. It's all a matter of perspective.
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I'm happy to share mine -- a before and after. I am a little worried about all the not so nice comments.
@caribqueen - We post most of the Real Budgets that come in! It'd be great if we got more...
Maybe add it to the ideas section, and see if other people would also like to see more real budgets?
http://ideas.weddingbee.com
If so, we can put out a call for more submissions!
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Perspective. That is what is missing from people who decide to criticize other people's budgets without knowing the context of their situation. Bootom-line: It is really unfair to judge someone's budget -- or any other aspect of their wedding -- when you know nothing about them --- as in all othertimes in life, numbers are meaningless without context. I apologize for the long message, but have become really frustrated by some commenters' resoponses in other posts and would like to echo the sentiments of others here, such as Corn and Doctorgirl.
A wedding that costs $5,000 in one part of the country could very easily cost $15,000 in other parts of the country. In downtown Chicago, pretty much any venue that can accomodate our reception charges a nonnegotiatble rental fee of $6,000-$8,500 just for the room rental -- more than some total budgets! Moreover, some people can whittle their guest list to 50, while others have a tough time getting it under 200 even if inviting only family. Since most venues in the area also have exclusive caatering contracts that mean you'll have to spend about $100 or more per person, the difference between 100 guests and 200 guests can be at least $10,000. Also, please keep in mind that everyone is in a different position financially -- some of us make $35,000, some make $350,000; some have families contributing, some don't. Obviously, what is financially irresponsible for one person is financially conservative for another.
As Doctorgirl mentioned, it is sad when things get oversimplified and fueled by assumptions that don't take into account situations different from your own.
@ MrBee: I think it would be a great idea to have more Real Budget posts. It's always nice to see the cost breakdown along with the pretty pictures.
While there are a ton of resources out there relating to budget, even on Weddingbee alone, but where I'm coming from in this post is that we have followed the blogging bees through their entire planning process, and see their visions come to life, we never really know the true costs behind these weddings. And though there are discussions along the way about specific costs of the wedding (i.e. dress, accessories, etc), we don't really get a feel for what the true cost of the wedding. While I acknowledge that the budget can be a very personal subject, I wanted to know if there will be more bees willing to share their budget. Before this post, I didn't realize that bees sharing their budget were subject to so much criticisms. I honestly just read the post and not really the comments. When I have my two cents to share (mostly to congratulate), I will post a comment.
I do think that while we can't really force anyone to share their budget, there are a lot of people out there who are willing to share it and therefore, an increase in the Real Budget post is a good alternative. Hopefully we'll see more. Thanks.
Here Here chicagom!! When I read Mrs. CP's budget I was like wow! Same as mine but then I got to thinking about it and it's much different. MUCH -- DIFFERENT! Even though that anecdote didn't result in a mean post or anything like it, I had to step back and think how things will cost so much more or less depending on where you are in the country. PLUS things seem more or less expensive to different people. Like my Mom for instance thinks $800 for a wedding dress is moderately absurd, where my acceptable threshold was more around $2,000!!!! It differs with every person. I wish that readers who need to comment on bee's budgets would shut it!
With that said, could they maybe close comments if a bee was only afraid of getting some flack? AND i love the idea to have real budget submission from other brides.
OK -- I'm off to eat my $8 chipotle burrito -- don't judge ;)
Thank you LatteLove for adding the link to "Real Budgets" I never knew that link existed! Personally I love seeing the breakdown of budgets because it helps give me a perspective as to my budget being realistic or not, thanks to everyone who has posted their budget breakdown
I still can't believe the fact that people criticize others for spending what they do. It's their day and their decision and in my opinion if you have nothing nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all. Thank you to those who have shared your budgets and I'm so sorry some people left you rude comments instead of being appreciative for you being so open, honest, and helpful.
Because WB already offers a Wedding Budget tool where you can see photos of real weddings and the breakdown of cost, I don't think that the Bees need to submit theirs if they aren't comfortable with it.
Even though I understand where the other bees are coming from (about not wanting to post their budgets publicly) I will be doing a bee budget post once all my recaps are done. I want to do a recap for me (even though I might get annoyed with the fact that I went over budget)
I shared my budget template via an excel document, so it would be nice to post about the real digits
But hope that I can help people out a bit (even though Im in Canada) regardless of the rude comments that can be attached to it (like Corn had)
Eek. I don't think the criticism would bother me if i got negative feed back. That's just them and their personal opinion, but I think, in general it woudl be a greatly appreciated thing.
THis got me thinking and i JUST added up all my expenses. Most of it is greatly dependent upon our venue fee (which is at a high estimate that i'm going to trim some fat off soon, so hopefully it should drop a few grand), and like most of the brides around, we are about 15% over budget! Not bad, but it still isn't "under" in my book.
I think it depends what you count as a "wedding" expense though. That's real tough. Do you include things like having your ring apprasied so you can get it insured? Also what about the tanning you did before yor wedding? I included everything except my dress, the rehearsal, and our honeymoon (because they were gifted, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves, so we didn't count what was given to us)and we still end up a little higher than I thought we would be, even with all the DIY projects. Goes to show your location really sets the baseline for your expenditures. Our budget also didn't include my engagement ring or either of our wedding bands. I guess if you include those, that puts us about 75% over budget, LoL. And I don't want to include our rings as a budget, because we gave them to each other, despite the wedding.
I think I'll post mine closer to the wedding...sort of an "everyting inclusive" which includes rings, honeymoons, etc, and a "what we paid for" to give everyone a realistic idea. It depends so much on where you are, but if it can help one bride out there, I'd personally be willing to take that risk. You don't know me, what kind of salary I have, or any of the varying factors that go into us being "comfortable" spendign this (and believe me, if we didn't have it set aside for this particular reason, we wouldn't have spent it, and i think everyone just has to remember that when they look at someone's expenses. An excel sheet may be in order for those who wish to use the information to benefit and enlighten themselves 
I would love to share on the front page and do a budget breakdown. I feel really proud of what I accomplished for my budget. Unfortunately, my parents funded 3/4 and have told me that I absolutely cannot share with the world like I would like. They are very sensitive about money.
I will tell you guys on this thread, that mine came in at about $18,000 for 75 people (not including honeymoon, but including engagement ring). Red_Dress2.jpg (39.2 KB, 31 downloads) 1 year old Red_dress.jpg (23.3 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
I have to admit that while I enjoy seeing all the bee's beautiful weddings, I frequently wonder how much each of your cool elements cost [be it venue, centerpieces, hair accessories etc]. Particularly with Mrs. Cherry Pie's rustic and very DIY wedding, I was curious. All her interesting touches were lovely and low-cost, but I figured that they must add up. Also, her venue was lovely and remote, but did holding it in Montana really save them much? So I was grateful for her post.
In the beginning, I also found the Real Weddings feature handy because it gave me a realistic sense of how far I could stretch $5000 or $8000 or $10000. Also, I had a realistic idea of what a $5000 wedding could look like e.g. it's not going to be an elegant Saturday night wedding with champagne and caviar in a hotel with fancy linens like I orginially thought. Please ask for more submissions-- they are very helpful!
Beyond just MONEY, I also appreciate it when the bees quantify how much TIME it took them to do certain projects. I am studying for a professional certification exam and am hesitant to take on any DIY projects because I really need every spare minute to study. There's an opportunity cost to taking on loads of DIY projects-- think of all of the other things you could be doing with that time, like fixing up your house, taking professional development classes, doing volunteer work, getting fit and so on.
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