- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2019
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder over a year ago now, but at my appointment with my psychiatrist last week the possibility of me having bipolar disorder was brought up. I didn’t think I had it, because I always thought of the ‘high’ periods as very long, and always just high energy, motivation and euphoria, so I brushed it off thinking I didn’t have it.
But after that appointment I looked up everything I could about it, and recognised symptoms I had. Like jumping from crying my eyes out to extreme irritation to really happy and hyper all in the space of an hour. These mood swings I thought were normal and so didn’t bring up with my psychiatrist until I learned about ‘mixed episodes’ with bipolar disorder.
Spending sprees, increased sex drive with FI (I always thought he just had a really low sex drive, but I guess I have an extremely high sex drive), excessive eating, less sleep, making bad decisions, all of these I have had over the years. All of which I thought were ‘normal’ for me.
Turns out, no, they’re not. Talking to my psychiatrist, he says it sounds like I have bipolar disorder. I felt relief at knowing what I have, and that it is treatable but scared at the same time that I will probably have to be on medication for the rest of my life.
Telling my parents about it, didn’t go like I hoped. My father was very supportive, looked up all the information he could right away about the illness. He said that they had always thought my mood swings were because of sugar, but it’s obviously not. My mother was a different story. She thinks sugar is causing my mood swings, and ‘while she doesn’t doubt my illness, it must be sugar causing the mood swings and causing my illness, not the other way around.’ I explained that substance abuse is a symptom of the disorder, not the other way around, and in my case the substance is sugar and junk food. She asked me to talk to my doctor about the sugar causing everything.
Way to kick me when I’m down mum! I get that it is hard for my family to understand my illness when they have never suffered from it, but you’d think they would be a little more understanding and less doubtful! Early last year before I got officially diagnosed, but was clearly suffering depression, my dad blamed my dark mood on PMS, my sister said I was faking.
My FI has never doubted me for a minute, has always been there supporting me, and will always be there for me, as I will be there for him. Through sickness and health.
Anybody else go through something similar with their families? Any advice, or just support? I am very scared