Post # 1
OK. While I’m sure this will not be the most popular post in the world, I feel like it could still stand to be said.
I have read post after post froms bees who are either unhappy with their dress because of the way it makes their body look, or their bodies in general. Many even stating they feel like (insert derogatory name for an overweight person here). We have all seen it, and many of us have offered support. Some have very forgiving dresses and some don’t. All of the shapes and sizes even tend to be different. However, one thing is constant: These bees are not happy with their bodies. They look for feedback to see if their dresses “really look as badly as they think they do”, or “what undergarments will best conceal these areas”. The hive is EXTREMELY sweet and helpful in providing answers to both. What I don’t ever tend to hear a bee say is an honest, “hey, maybe instead of buying a new, more flattering dress/magical shape wear, you could fix your concern by losing a little of the extra weight/shaping up… You know, since you have the next fourteen months before your wedding”.
To these bees I say: From one (now formerly) chubby bride-to-bee to another… Please. This is your body. Something you see on a day to day basis and have to deal with for the rest of your lives. While a big, white dress may amplify problem areas, it is still your body and YOUR problem area. Unless you have a medical condition, it’a not new and did not develop overnight. Either accept that bodies come in all beautiful shapes and sizes, so that you can be happy with yours -OR- do something about YOUR beautiful shape to make it into a size that is equally as beautiful TO YOU. Those were the only two choices that I gave myself, and I chose the latter. It has not been easy, takes a tremendous amount of discipline and is a long road of lessons learned. However, when you have months (sometimes years) to plan your wedding, you have plenty of time to lose weight and get in shape before the big day. There is no excuse (unless again, you have a medical condition).
Getting in better shape was one of my top priorities when it came to our wedding. Not just what flowers I wanted, or which DJ. Especially not finding the best shape wear out there to help me whittle into my dress. Yet, I don’t see that’s the case with a lot of bees… If looking hot in your wedding dress won’t motivate you to get into better shape so that ANY dress would look great on you (with or without shape wear), you really need to question what will. Stop relying on shape wear or a certain dress to temporarily mask your imperfections, and make the better investment towards your longterm health and overall happiness.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
That may be. But not everyone is obsessed with their appearance. (I say that based on this post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-much-are-you-or-did-you-investing-in-your-appearance-on-your-wedding-day#axzz2kw2UIqiM)
I think we can still be supportive of women who don’t/can’t change their entire lifestyle but still feel a little uncomfortable in their skin.
Post # 4
I understand where you are coming from and I lost over 120 lbs about 3 years ago so I was a size 8 on my wedding day. However, this is easier said than done. It is hard for most people to lose weight even though they may really want to. I disagree with telling someone to just lose weight even though that is the obvious fix. Also, since I lost so much weight I still needed shapewear for most dresses I tried on (bc of all the excess skin) so losing weight wouldnt be the end for many people.
Post # 5
@smv22114: I get what your trying to say and understand what you are hoping to do but I do not like this post. I have no medical probems and eat extremely healthy but gained a lot of weight from the wedding because it was stressful. I did not eat less or more and I did not work out any less or more than I normally would. It is GREAT tha losing the weight was a priority for you but it wasn’t a priority for me and that isn’t a bad thing. Was I nervous about how I looked? Sure! However, all I needed was a boost of confidence from friends and family (even some Bees). I was suggested shapewear and it worked wonders and I looked beautiful! I didn’t need to lose weight and doubt I could of with all my nervous bloating!
I don’t know, I love pushing health but this I just don’t like…
Post # 6
I have always been body consious, even at my thinnest. I battled anorexia on and off for years & while I’m healthy now, I’m still very self consious about my body. For some people, it doesn’t matter how big or small they are, they are still uncomfortable in their body so I’d have to say, this isn’t a totally fair post.
Also, I’m 36 now and weight loss is so hard for me. I run and work out 4-6 days a week, don’t drink soda, eat desert, etc. So making even more modifications is tough. I really just wanted to lose about 10-15 lbs for the wedding. I lost about 10 over the year but it was such a struggle. Weight loss may have been a little easier for you once you made the choice to do it, but it isn’t that easy for everyone.
I do agree that a wedding can be a great motivator for some people & there’s nothing wrong with using it for that purpose, but I just had to add that it’s not so easy for everyone.
Post # 7
@lolot: While I certainly do prioritize my appearance, I made a lifestyle change in regards to my physique not only for that, but more importantly, for health reasons. I really just “felt like crap” and wanted to change that.
I agree 100% that we can still be supportive. I think that a bride is beautiful no matter what. I just believe that putting a bandaid is a temporary solution for people that are overly unhappy. I just saw two posts from b2bs calling themselves derogatory names, yet asking for what shape wear would be better for them. Another asking the easiest way to lose weight, which is what prompted this post in the first place. There is no “easy” way (aside from invasive surgery). Clearly I am in the minority here, and while you bees do offer a lot of support, in some cases I think it’s more supportive to help them find a way to feel better about themselves longterm… Not just temporarily.
Post # 8
I think you can be unhappy with your body at any size.
There’s been brides here worried about having too big/too small boobs, about not being curvy enough for a mermaid, about having the “wrong kind” of body for their dress (pears in mermaids comes to mind, or petite in a ballgown–though I think any body can wear any dress!).
So while I always 100% am supportive of anyone who wants to lose weight (I lost 51lbs in the two years before our wedding), I think there are a LOT of people who are uncomfortable in their dress but really can’t do a whole lot about it!
Post # 9
@lolot: also, I think some are more concerned then maybe they like to admit? And, I say that based on this post:
Post # 10
@smv22114: Agreed with pp- often times the bride feels uncomfortable regardless of size. If the insecurity is more the state of mind rather than actual physical size, losing weight won’t help!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@smv22114: No, I freely admit that I was definitely motivated to lose weight and tone up for my wedding (even though I only had like ~5-10 lbs to lose)
But I also recognize that not everyone feels super driven and can eat heathily enough / exercise enough to lose serious weight… but I still think they’re allowed to feel uncomfortable with their current situation, ya know?
Also, good for you for adopting a healthier lifestyle!
Post # 12
I didn’t need to lose weight to feel better about myself, I just needed reassurance that I am okay. Granted I am not big but my insecurity would not have been solved by the loss of weight.
Post # 13
@smv22114: I agree with your post 100%. And I love your attitude.
There is something really empowering about what you are saying because you are espousing ownership and responsibility for your body.
I get why you pre-empted the fact that your post might be controversial.
The female body has been open for PUBLIC comment and scrutiny and CRITICISM for SO LONG – in a way that a man’s would NEVER BE!
So it is so nice and refreshing to come to the WB and see women of all shapes and sizes love their bodies and have other women support and reassure them too.
But I agree with you that we all have a CHOICE, part of that being how much we want to make it a priority. Making your health, weight loss or whatever can be made a priority without being an obsession!
It is OK to love your body – totally! But it is OK for you to want to change it in a healthy way too!
Post # 14
Like you, I thought it would be easy.
But I had NO IDEA how time consuming wedding planning would be. How unreceptive and uncooperative vendors would be. How much drama, and how little help from anyone.
I have been doing well with diet, for the most part, but the thought of trying to find time to exercise makes me want to cry. (The unused gym Groupon sitting in my account about to expire is evidence of the fact that I didn’t always think it would be this way.)
It’s like telling someone, “Easy! All you have to do is exercise more and eat less!” And sometimes it is that easy. If it was that easy for you, congratulations! But wedding planning has a tendency to be way more involved than I think most people think it’s going to be, and asking someone to try and work on their bodies (or to stop biting their nails, or to stop smoking, etc.,) during the most stressful time some of them may have encountered up until this point is a pretty tall order. If a cupcake or a bag of chips is what someone needs to bring her down from the edge, it isn’t healthy to be sure–but after the stress I’ve gone through planning my wedding, I’d be the last person to suggest a person shouldn’t utilize whatever (safe, legal) coping mechanism they have available to them.
I will probably be like those girls–trying on my dress in two months and wishing I had made the time to lift weights or do more crunches. I was sure that I would. But the reality is that I have been so busy, the only place that time could have come from my sleeping hours. So in February when I am scrambling to figure out whether to double up on the Spanx or tightlace myself into oblivion, keep in mind that everyone’s journey is different.
Post # 15
Hm, I did intense training and diet for 6 months before my wedding (beyond the exercise and diet I had been on for years before). I did not lose weight. Toned a little but my size did not change.
I have no medical problems that have been found. I just cannot lose weight. What would you tell me?
My wedding is over, so I don’t really care, but it’s not really cool to say “Well if you dont have medical problems you just need to eat right and exercise.” That is not the case for everyone. People have different builds, different set weights, different abilities, and different goals.
It is very nice that you were able to lose weight for your wedding. Congratulations. If you don’t have a supportive comment to contribute to the threads where brides ask for advice on shapewear, you do not need to read or comment on them.
Post # 16
I think if a person wants to get in better shape and be healthy for health’s sake, that’s a wonderful goal to set for themselves. I think it becomes disturbing when so many women do it just to look better for their weddings! For one day and a series of pictures,women make themselves crazy. I find that having that mindset and the frustrations that accompany it when the goal isn’t met can set you up for a lifelong pattern of yoyo dieting. That, in itself, is NOT healthy.