(Closed) bees that have relocated, have you felt like you just don't belong??

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t have a story, but I’d like to send *hugs* your way.  So sorry that you are going through this!

Post # 4
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel the same way. I’m half-Asian, relocated to DFW from Los Angeles two years ago, and have felt like a fish out of water ever since.

Post # 7
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@missebelle:  I miss California so much!  It’s particularly hard because FI is a native Texan who has never lived outside of the state (even though he’s well-traveled). It’s hard for him to see me be so frustrated with a place he truly loves. He feels the same way about California that I do about Texas, so I don’t think I’ll get to move back anytime soon.

I definitely get depressed and homesick. I just wish there was something I could do that would make things better.

Post # 8
Member
8975 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m in Oklahoma myself (Moore area.. we got hammered by both of those tornadoes) and I don’t feel I fit here, either. Born and raised in the desert of Southern California. Those are my people. Those are the people who, “Culturally”, are much more like me. I don’t fit the stereotype of Oklahomans.

I wish I could be anywhere but here, but my husband is stationed here for the forseeable future, so I guess I better cozy in.

The up side is that everyone is incredibly kind. Everybody is so kind, and thoughtful, and willing to self sacrifice for everyone around them. You don’t see that kind of hospitality in California.

Post # 9
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that people someplace can be this close minded just because you are Asian.  Do you ever see other Asian people, or is this really like a Twilight Zone town where people literally have these close minded ideas that have been passed down from generations of ignorance?  I’m really sorry that you have to endure this.  Not everyone is bad, and if I were relocating to your area I would say, “Let’s hang out sometime lol.”

Post # 10
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

We moved around a lot when I was a kid, and I had an especially hard time in a country school. European super educated parents, I had a bit of an English accent.. city people… and we moved out to the boonies… not cool. I felt like a total outsider. So I can relate to not fitting in, definitely.

Sorry you have to go through this – I want to give you a hug! People shouldn’t be so quick to judge. They should get to know you… geez. You sound really nice!!

Post # 11
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@missebelle:  People are jerks. Seriously who does that?

I relocated and feel like I don’t belong, but I moved to Korea, so I kind of expected that haha. People are CONSTANTLY chatting RIGHT NEXT TO ME about how I’m the weird foreigner (and possibly think I don’t know, my korean is awful but I know those words they’re using!!) In my case though they’re usually not trying to be mean, and in interactions with me they’re polite and helpful… but I very obviously do not belong and will never fit in.

I really try be as courteous and genuine and kind as I can to others, even when they’re mean to me, because I don’t want to give anyone an excuse for the way they already treat me. But honestly, I’ve never really known anything BUT “not belonging.”  (Nerdy unpopular kid, etc.) Relocating was actually helpful because now I feel like I have an excuse and nobody EXPECTS me to belong, or act the way everyone else does, so the pressure is much less. 

Post # 12
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m sorry. i know this is tough.  i grew up in southern california.  i moved to denver but denver is great.  last november we visited husband’s hometown.  we went to the mall and the husband said everyone was staring at me.  i asked why would they stare at me.  he said because i’m asian and because no one dresses up in his hometown so it’s odd so see someone so dressed up.  i was not dressed up but apparently in the town, anything dressier than jeans and a hoodie was considered dressed up. i didn’t let the staring bother me but all this was done from afar. no one said anything directly to me.  i’m not sure how i would handle it if it was in my face. i’m sure my reaction would not be your stereo typical asian reaction because my parents did not raise me to be meek.  this was my first taste of being treated differently because of my skin color.

unfortunately people still stereo type asians all the time and will treat us as the model minority even if they don’t mean to. i don’t have any advice i know how it feels to be an outsider. it sucks.  i have been blessed to have people around me who came from very close-minded towns but have an open mind.

Post # 13
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I live in NYC now and I’m from South Carolina. It’s kind of weird, but I feel like I fit in more here. As a kid I never really felt like I fit in, then when I reached 20 and started traveling to NYC to visit friends I felt so at home that I would literally cry when I got off of my return flights. I felt as if the place I was from could be compared to a bubble.. most of the people in it had no desire to know what was on the outside. Sometimes I just stared at street signs and wondered what they would look like in another country; what is different about how people walk down the street, and speak. I knew that there couldn’t just be one way to do all of those things. When I found NYC, I found the opportunity to learn about different cultures in every neighborhood. I’ve also felt strong and capable as a woman. Where I’m from things are very male-centric; sexual harassment is minimalized and marketing campaigns/events mostly cater to men. Sexist talk and behavior is commonplace especially on the dating scene. 

Just wanted to say that I can relate somewhat. Just keep being the kind and compassionate person you are and maybe you will teach them something 🙂

 

Post # 15
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@missebelle:  Oh, girl, I want to hug you, give you chocolate, and split a bottle of wine with you. I, too, grew up in the bay area (santa clara) and got transplanted to one of the tiniest states in the country on the east coast. It’s so culturally shocking leaving the bay area. 

I was just moaning about this Saturday night to my FI. We were sitting outside, it was dusk, the weather was perfect, and the breeze was blowing just right. I closed my eyes and I wasn’t stuck here in purgatory, a place I did not grow up with, with people so foreign to me, whom I will never fit in with. I looked up at him and told him, “With the beautiful weather, and the perfect breeze, when I close my eyes I feel like I could be anywhere but here. I could be home. I could be where I belong.”

It’s been ten years exactly since I left California, and ten years for me to acclimate to this place. But as savvy as I may be with the streets, and as well as I’m able to blend in, use the local vernacular, I do not belong here. 

By the same token, however, it’s been so long since I was home, everything has changed and moved on without me. Would I even know the neighborhood I rode my bike up and down, day in day out? Would it know me? Probably not…

Sorry this turned into a novel, OP… But you struck a huge chord woth me 🙂 we’ll get through this.

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