Post # 1
in the bride’s hometown??
My mother and I are currently in disagreement over this. My Fiance and I live in Texas (where a majority of my mother’s side is from along with practically all of FI’s family) However, she says it would make more sense to get married where I grew up….we want our wedding in Texas. People will have to travel whether it’s in Texas or Arkansas, so we just figured people could travel to where we are. Am I wrong in thinking that the people that matter will be there no matter the geographic location? I’m sure I may get some mixed reviews on this, but Bee’s PLEASE help me get through to my mom!
Post # 3
It’s so much easier to plan a wedding where you live!!!! Think about all the meetings/consults etc you have to go to. Stick to your guns – have the wedding where you want it!!
Post # 4
I want to get married in my hometown, since all my family/friends are there. His family has to travel anyway, so it does ‘t really matter.
However it sucks becausew e don’t live there so the logistics of taking time off to go back and plan, and travel to the wedding are really difficult!
Post # 5
these days it truly depnds. I am being forced to get married in my hometown but our family is very spaced out so basically anywhere we had it people would have to travel. Since my parents are paying for the wedding I am pretty much at their mercy.
I would say it matters a lot who is paying for it, at least IMO
ALSO- its technically “traditonal” to get married in the brides hometown
Post # 6
I am pretty sure that those that truely want to be there, will be there come hell or highwater.
Fi and i thought about making our venue half way for everyone, His family lives in PA, Mine in NJ, and then we were told that most of the people that we were rearanging our lives for either A. would not come, or B. would bitch about everything anyway because there is no making my people happy.
We decided to say F it and we’re going to jamaca or somewhere in that general area. If you want to be there, great. If not… sad for youuuuu!
Both of our parents, siblings and Gparents ( i.e the people that matter to us) are totally good for this idea.
Post # 7
You do it where YOU want.
I’m getting married in my Fiance and my home state (we’re from towns about 30 minutes apart), but about 45 minutes away from my hometown. This was because most of both of our friends/relatives live in that metro area (we live a 2.5 hour flight away), and frankly I couldn’t imagine not doing it there. I lucked out that Fiance and I are from the same general area haha. But that’s what I wanted….you should do what you want!
Post # 8
Get married either where it makes logistical sense for you to get married, where it is cheapest for you to get married, or in a place to which you have a strong emotional connection. Any and all of these are good reasons, IMO.
For instance: We’re getting married in FI’s hometown because it’s a city with a real airport and lots of vendor choices, it’s about halfway between where we live now and where I’m from, I have great memories of visiting Fiance there when we were in an LDR, and because it’s just a cool city that I love and can’t wait to show off to our friends.
But — we could have gotten married where we currently live now, for the cheapest cost and the ease of planning a local wedding. (Tradeoff — tougher for BOTH families to get there; especially tough for my side; limited vendors.) Or, we could have gotten married in my hometown, with lots of my high school friends and family friends. (Tradeoff — tougher for our current friends to get there; no real place I’d love to have it.) Or, we could have gotten married in our tiny college town, where we met and have great memories. (Tradeoff: expensive/limited vendors, in the middle of nowhere, tough for everyone to get to, etc).
There are pluses and minuses for both, but there’s really no “supposed to” about it.
Post # 9
I say where it’s convenient and cost effective. I live in Central PA, and my fiance and I grew up in counties that are right next to each other. We currently live in the county he was born and raised in, and catering costs are about 30% cheaper over here.
I probably would have chosen to get married in my county, but because of cost and the fact our venue is 7 minutes from our house, it works out better over here.
But, we decided since we’re getting married in his hometown, we would get our marriage license in my hometown.
Post # 10
The only big reasons that I can come up with on why my mother would want it where I grew up are 1. “Tradition” – She’s old fashioned
2. Maybe she thinks she won’t be as involved in the wedding planning process if it’s not where she lives and she doesn’t want to be left out??
@MalbecMe: That’s definitely been one of my key points each time the topic gets brought up!
@kerensa: My close friends from highschool that do live near our hometown have already said they are fine with driving the distance and making a weekend trip out of it, and the only family that lives where I grew up are my parents and siblings…people that will be at my wedding no matter what haha
@maggiemay0811: Well, Texas is a pretty large state, so most of our family is spaced out as well, but we figured 2-3 hours is a lot less to drive than 7. Well, since it’s “traditional” to get married in the bride’s hometown, that’s probably why my mother is so adamant about it….she’s EXTREMELY old-fashioned
@imalittlebirdie: haha, I like your way of thinking! I’m starting to think if things don’t get resolved soon that we may be going with that option as well!
Post # 11
I didn’t vote because my hometown is also FI’s hometown. FI still lives there and I’m ~5 hours away for graduate school but it was worth it because both sets of parents and Fiance are there? I’ll be coming home to stay with my parents about a month before the wedding then Fiance and I are moving 10 hours away to the next grad school! (School rules my life!)
Post # 12
@bearlove: You’re right. I need to remember that this is OUR wedding and we need to make sure we’re doing what we want, rather than just trying to please other people.
@village_skeptic: I like those points. I think where we are planning on getting married makes logistical sense and does have an emotional connection. That’s the thing if we got married in my hometown, my wedding would be like everyone else from my hometown…church for wedding and country club for reception. (There is NOTHING wrong with a wedding like that, but we want something a little less traditional….will still be getting married in a church, but would like more vendor choices for a reception site)
@kimberlyr22: Convenient and cost-effective…I’ll be sure to mention those next time we talk, great points!
Thank you everyone for all the input….hopefully this will help me get through to her that this is OUR wedding, not hers to plan.
Post # 13
Get married where you live. As others have posted, you have so many appointments to go to and if you can’t travel every weekend, it can be extremely stressful trying to fit everything in on one weekend and making sure you can make it to each appointment. I currently live in Ohio but am getting married in Michigan because that’s where my parents live and even though I can go home every weekend, it is still difficult. Many places run out of appointment times on the weekends because of course they are more convenient for everyone. If you are planning the wedding, have it where you live. If you don’t, you have to give up a lot of control to your mother.
Post # 14
@txrodeo: I think you get married where you and your FH want to get married. We never really considered getting married in my hometown. It’s small and my parents are the only ones who live there who would be invited to the wedding. Granted it would be a heck of a lot cheaper than Chicago (the city in which we live and where the wedding will be) but Chicago has more meaning to us so that is why we chose it. It also happens to be my FH’s hometown but the reason we selected Chicago is simply b/c we met here and we live here.
Post # 15
Well we all live in LA so it’s kind of a moot point. We got married at my childhood church, which is 40 minutes from DH’s hometown, 10 minutes from mine, and 30 minutes from where we currently live.
Post # 16
My family is in the NYC metro area (where we currently live together as well). His is in TX…and Turkey…and Germany…and PR…(aka EVERYWHERE). We’re getting married in Baltimore, where we met (in college). We figure this is good because it a) has meaning for both of us b) EVERYBODY other than a couple friends who stayed in Bmore has to travel, so even though his family still needs to buy plane tickets whereas mine just has to drive 3-5 hours, everybody still needs to get a hotel for a night or two, and everybody is slightly inconvenienced making it more fair, lol. I put down destination wedding for this reason, although Bmore isn’t much of a “destination” persay. But in the end, do what YOU want to do and what you are ABLE to do, especially if you are the one paying (if your mother is paying, you do have to let her at the very least have veto power though, alas). But doing something JUST for the sake of tradition is silly (sorry traditional ladies!), you should do what makes sense for you and makes you happy 🙂